Air on a G String
by Dariel
Summary: VH AU Music is everything to her, her purpose, her career. Music is his exceptional talent but it destroyed his family. When they meet it is a turning point in both their lives, a decision for her, a change of the statusquo for him. COMPLETE
1. Curtain falls

**A/N:**** Okay, no freaking out, people, I didn't start yet another story although I still have 2 in progress. No, this one is actually FINISHED already, woot!! I started writing this in 2005 for Ryuu Angel's bday and it took me more than a year to finish it ::bursts into tears:: I'm still so sorry. So aye, this so totally is Ryuu's story and it's been floating around my hard drive for more than a year now. She just recently asked me yet again why I wouldn't upload it. So, here I am :) I'm gonna upload the whole story at once, so no waiting around for other chapters, this is it! **

**DISCLAIMER:**

**I don't own the song "Air on a G String", it's Bach's.**

**The lyrics I put in there are from the song "Life and Love and Why" by Switchfoot and I don't own it.**

**Furthermore, I don't own the expression "tie-him-to-the-bed good looks", it's by Meg Cabbot and I shamelessly stole it coz I think it's great :)**

**That's all I have to say **

**Dariel**

* * *

_------------------------------ __Dedicated to Ryuu Angel__-------------------------------_

_**::Air on a G String::**_

****

**One. Curtain falls**

_Life and love and why  
Child, adult, then die  
All of your hoping  
And all of your searching  
For what?_

"Where is he?"

The words cut like a knife through the melody of _La Traviata_, quick and violent. Three heads turned away, three pairs of eyes avoiding a blazing green gaze.

Enthusiastic applause erupted twelve meters beneath after the last tunes of an extract of the opera had faded in the expanse of the opera hall. The noise of six hundred pairs of hands clapping was breaking against the marble walls like waves against a cliff, throwing a multiple echo back onto the stage.

She stood on a balcony at the opposite wall of the stage above three stories of galleries, humming spotlights surrounding her. The silken fabric of her pale green dress rustled softly when she began pacing, the tiny pearls that were weaved into the garment glistening like raindrops on a meadow. Receiving no answer, the young woman threw her hands in the air with a groan.

"We should have cancelled the performance!" She waved a slim, silver-sparkling transverse flute about, her stilettos clicking impatiently over the parquet floor. "We should have just cancelled it! Why didn't we cancel it, Yukari?"

"Hitomi, do me a favour..." The tallest of the three women around her finally moved and reached out a hand to grasp the flute. She exhaled deeply. "Do me a favour and do _not _wave it around. It's too expensive to smash it in a fit of frustration, you aren't a rock star. Please, just calm down."

"I am calm!" Hitomi exploded and let go of the expensive instrument, stalking to a marble parapet. Red and white were dancing in an intimate embrace on its surface, melting into rosé that was stretching tantalizingly across the walls of the opera.

Yukari cradled the flute to her chest as if it was a baby and closed her brown eyes briefly in relief. "Hitomi..." she sighed but was silenced by a gruff gesture.

"Tell me again why I'm doing this." Hitomi leaned on the parapet, peering at the hall beneath. "Why am I still keeping up with this masquerade? Why am I smiling into the cameras although I want to retch? Why am I lying for him instead of simply canceling this bloody concert?"

"Bloody sold out concert," Yukari stated dryly when she reached Hitomi's side and brushed a strand of red hair out of her face. Every seat was occupied. Black suits were alternating with dresses in every colour possible, golden embroidery and prohibitive jewelry twinkling in the bright light that illuminated the hall. "You know there would have been questions. Lots of questions."

Hitomi ran a hand through her short hair, loosening some of the blossoms that were attached with clips to honey-blond strands. "Look at them, Yukari. They came to see Allen and me and not me and a stranger who is, to top it all, late."

Some spotlights around them switched off. A slight bustle arose when the engineers directed the fingers of light at the single man who stood now on the stage, announcing the next artist with a booming voice. Shadows were pierced and chased off the curtain that was perfectly draped at both sides of the gigantic arc, polished marble reflecting the light like a mirror.

"You know that it was hard to find someone to replace Allen today." Yukari ran her thumb along the smooth surface of the flute, her intelligent brown eyes watching Hitomi intensely.

Her mask was perfect, a smile never failing to fool the best reporter and make-up covering the bags under her eyes. Traces of sadness were only lurking in the depths of her green orbs, unaffected by her smiles, and at the corners of her lips, hidden to the world, invisible to those who didn't know where to look.

"I know," she murmured and rested her chin in her palm, strands she had loosened now brushing over her cheeks.

"And they didn't only come to see you, Hitomi. It's a benefit concert after all. They also came to see her, for example." Yukari pointed at the stage where now a short woman in a red dress stood, bathing in applause. "So stop whining like a baby."

Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Thanks for your blunt honesty."

A brief grin rushed across the redhead's lips. "You're welcome, of course." Turning to her two assistants, she dismissed them with a curt nod of her head and turned back to Hitomi. Yukari completely ignored the questioning look she was getting. "Did you manage to call your mom, yesterday?"

Hitomi narrowed her eyes. "You're trying to digress from the topic. And not very professionally if I may say so. I'm ashamed, Yukari."

She shrugged nonchalantly. "So what? Sue me if it makes you feel better but I remind you to consider that my boyfriend is one of the best lawyers in Asturia and you'd lose, a hundred percent."

"And I remind you to consider that Amano is _my_ lawyer and you only met him because of _me_," Hitomi retorted with a smug smirk, a playful spark flashing across her eyes, something that had become rare.

"Okay okay, Cupid." Yukari smoothed her black costume casually before crossing her arms in front of her chest and raising a brow. "Well?"

Hitomi averted her eyes quickly, shining lips briefly pressed to a thin line. "No, I didn't call her. It was pretty hectic and I just...I just..."

"Hitomi..."

Her fists clenched. "I don't want to tell her, okay?!" Angry green eyes focused on Yukari but she didn't budge, Hitomi's outbursts slowly but alarmingly turning into something usual. "I don't want to see her shocked expression, I don't want to see the disappointment and sadness. I don't want to explain everything to her. I don't feel like justifying myself again! Satisfied?!"

"No, coward," Yukari replied dryly and Hitomi's delicate brows knitted even more. "You don't make it better, you know? The longer you refuse telling her, the more you'll hurt her. You're lying to her, Hitomi."

"No, I'm just not telling the whole truth." She turned away with a huff like a pouting twelve-year-old, cheeks flushed.

Yukari shook her head softly and was just about to open her mouth when Hitomi spoke up again. "When is my turn?"

"About a quarter of an hour." The redhead watched Hitomi's shoulders slump. "You're already the last act so I simply cannot postpone you anymore. But maybe I can talk Voris into building a bit of suspense when introducing you. We could make it to half an hour."

"What if he doesn't arrive until then?"

She bit her lip and looked down at the innumerable heads. Honestly, this was a question she had tried to ignore for these last two hours although it had more felt like she was trying to ignore an air hammer; simply impossible.

It was when the noise of thundering footsteps suddenly reached them from the staircase and both women turned expectantly to the door leading onto the balcony, brows raised.

A second later, one of Yukari's assistants appeared in the doorframe, panting. "He's here, Ms. Uchida."

Hitomi gave Yukari a dark look and without a word, she dashed past the exhausted woman who was leaning against the door. She was hardly able to jump out of the way.

"Hitomi, wait!" Yukari called desperately and followed the noise of clicking footsteps down the staircase. "Ripping his head off isn't a good idea, really! Think of all the blood on the expensive floor! And the curtains! As your manager I forbid you to commit murder!"

She was too angry to smile about her friend's comment and continued her way down the stairs, holding up her dress so she wouldn't stumble. Reaching the bottom of the staircase, she passed by the wardrobe which was filled to the brim with jackets and coats and ran down the hallway that led to the artists' rooms.

He was standing with his back to her, talking to Yukari's second assistant, Clarisse Neville, and Voris Mendeleev, the host of the concert whose polished bald head she saw glowing from behind broad shoulders. Slowing down, she let go of her dress and smoothed down her hair, burning holes into the stranger's back with her eyes.

"Ms Kanzaki!" Clarisse's eyes widened when she spotted the young woman approaching and the dark-haired man in the black suit turned slowly around.

She stood directly behind him. Darkened lashes framed expressive green eyes that were alight with a fire that could have burned him on the spot. Her creamy skin was glowing, her jaw was set, her shoulders squared and her hands fisted at her sides. Her entire being was radiating anger. And he knew it was because of him.

"You're late!" He didn't even blink an eye at her barked words. His eyes. They unnerved her. They were the colour of an old red wine, dark and clear, watching her calmly but with a shameless and frank intensity that made her feel slightly uncomfortable. And she didn't like it one bit.

He ran a hand through his hair, pitch-black strands damp from snow. "I know and I'm very sorry." His voice was deep and melodic, slightly rough and surprisingly pleasant to her ears which were actually used to Vivaldi and Mozart.

She snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest, glaring him down. It needed more than beautiful eyes to make her forgive and there was no way in hell she would give in to him. An irritated flush tinted her cheeks and her seething gaze made the last snowflakes melt on his shoulders, soaking his suit.

"Good for you but did you look at the time? There isn't even one minute left for us to rehearse! I really hope for you to have a good explanation! I don't pay you all the money for being late!"

"Miss Kanzaki," Voris interfered and stepped between them, shielding the young man from her acid stare with his huge body. His thick brows were narrowed and his white beard was a piece of art as usual. "I'd suggest you go..."

"Voris, I'm here!" Yukari's faint voice interrupted him and she joined the small group moments later, breathing quickly with her hand on her chest. "I'm here."

The tall man nodded, his broad chest almost tearing the suit apart when he inhaled deeply. "Good." Pointing on a sheet of paper with a biro, he fixed Hitomi with wise eyes. "I have to be on the stage in five minutes which means that the two of you have to be out in fifteen. I'd say you go warm up a bit, Ms Kanzaki, and I'll bring Mr. Fanel to Lillian to get him fixed up a bit."

Yukari grabbed Hitomi's arm who was glaring daggers at her belated partner. "Alright."

Van Fanel didn't take his eyes off of her. He shifted his violin case to his other hand when she suddenly wrested her arm out of the grasp it was in and brushed past him, her eyes emitting sparks. The redhead gave him an apologetic smile and rushed after the diva in pale green.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Hitomi could be found to the left corner of the stage, listening to Voris announcing her and Van Fanel. He was explaining that Allen Schezar, Ms Kanzaki's husband and partner of four years, couldn't attend because of an accident in which he broke his right arm.

Hitomi wanted to laugh out loud about the irony of it all but feared she would end up crying her eyes out. And it wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth it.

Her breathing was slowly but unstoppably growing heavier, her palms damp and the flute in her hands shaking. Damn that stupid stage fright.

She was on the stage for five years now and had overcome the nauseating feeling after the second year. She was always calm, always in control of herself. She had played in a full stadium, ten thousands of people listening to her and though she had been completely at ease. And yet, this little performance of hardly fifteen minutes was pushing her to the very edge of a nervous breakdown.

Maybe it was because of all the stress she had undergone during these last months. That she had learned; she wasn't half as tough as she always pretended to be. She was a stalk of reed that had been bent by the wind for too long, not broken but tired and limp, too weak to stand up. The latest events had affected her more than she wanted to admit. She needed to relax. She needed a nice holiday on a lonely island with nobody asking her stupid questions and making stupid demands.

"Just imagine they're naked." The lazy drawl was like a stone thrown into the lake of her thoughts, causing concentric circles on the surface. Turning her head slightly, she gave Van a blank look. "Your stage fright, I mean."

"I didn't ask for your help." She directed her gaze back to the stage and tightened her grasp on the flute to stop her hands from shaking. "And besides, I cannot see anybody when standing on the stage for the spotlight is so annoyingly bright and therefore it doesn't help the slightest bit to imagine them naked."

She didn't see the smile that clumsily tugged at the corners of his mouth, as if he wasn't used to it. It was gone when she almost reluctantly shifted her gaze so she could watch him out of the corners of her eyes.

He seemed to be born into the suit, the black garment harmonizing with his unruly dark hair and the crisp, white shirt he wore underneath his jacket contrasting perfectly with his tanned skin. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, long and slender violinist fingers holding the wooden instrument almost tenderly. There was an air of unconscious confidence around him, his casual stance and unreadable features radiating pride but in a way that wasn't the least bit persistent.

It was when he turned his head to the side and caught her gaze, red jasper melting into green jade. Flames sprang to her cheeks immediately and she averted her eyes, her whole body rigid with embarrassment.

"Our cue." Van offered her his arm and she took it hesitantly, avoiding to look at him and cursing herself everything under the sun. The cue. She hadn't heard anything.

Light brighter than the sun blinded her the moment he led her onto the stage and she fought the urge to shield her eyes with one hand. She had learned that nobody noticed when she squinted her eyes like she was short-sighted but everybody saw when she waved her hand about like a maniac. Experience was the magic word. Embarrassing experience.

A wide smile parted her lips when Voris took her hand and placed a light kiss on the back of her hand, leaving the stage with a deep bow. She inhaled deeply and cast a quick glance at the audience, assuming six hundred pairs of eyes trained on her. The members of the orchestra had put down their instruments, watching the two of them expectantly as well.

Let the show begin.

Raising the flute to her mouth and pressing it against her lips, Hitomi looked up at Van. The violin resting on his shoulder and the bow raised, he gave her a curt nod, reflections of light dancing over the polished wood of the instrument. She would begin.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. She always closed her eyes, shutting out the light and the people and her wildly beating heart, concentrating on only her music. It would calm her. It always did.

The silence in the hall was tangible, as was the anticipation. It was like a dewdrop hanging at the tip of a leaf, just about to fall down, stretching towards the ground and yet unable to reach it.

The first tune slowly unfolded and the drop splashed on the ground.

They were quiet at first, shyly rising into the air before becoming more self-conscious and dancing weightlessly, growing louder and capturing her every fiber. She could feel it in her toes, this familiar tingling feeling that was washing through her every time she played the flute.

The tunes were floating around her, her fingers chasing them along the scale. She was lost in the music, letting it rock her body softly back and forth.

And then, she heard it. Fragile, intertwining with the melody she was spinning like fingers of a lover; the whisper of a violin.

She had feared they wouldn't fit, had feared the tunes would clash, destroying the perfection and elegance of the piece. She hadn't known what he was capable of, hadn't known if he was able to play with someone else and she was relived to hear that he was. It was as if the melodies were talking to each other, chatting animatedly, sometimes arguing, sometimes agreeing, in a language everybody understood.

When his solo started, she did what she rarely did during a piece; she opened her eyes. She simply wasn't able to resist, the melody so beautiful, luring her, tempting her with the promise of something precious, something unique.

And never had she seen something that peaceful. His eyes were closed, dark lashes resting calmly on tanned cheeks with strands of pitch-black hair grazing his skin. She studied his profile, his straight nose and full lips sharply outlined by the intense light that illuminated the stage. And although he was in deep concentration, he looked completely relaxed, not the slightest crease distorting his features. As if he was sleeping. And yet she could feel tenseness in his body that resembled the one of the strings of his violin.

She thought of Allen. He was always looking as if he was fighting a battle, his features grim with his jaw clenched and his forehead creased. It was nothing like the stranger beside her.

Hitomi had heard the piece a hundred times, had heard it on various instruments, played by various people. But it had never sounded like this. Never this flawless, never this perfect.

Never this beautiful.

And as if he had noticed her stare, he opened his eyes, clear burgundy orbs looking directly at her. It was like breaking through the surface of a sea and taking a deep breath. Fresh air was filling her lungs with the gasp that passed her lips after she had held her breath for so long.

He reminded her of something. It was something about him, something in his music, something in his eyes that seemed familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it, couldn't align it, couldn't name it. It was as if she had forgotten something but for the life of her couldn't remember what it was.

Throughout their whole performance she kept watching him, glancing at him out of the corners of her eyes. It was like trying to remember the name that belonged to a face, the spice that belonged to a scent, the piece that belonged to a melody. But she seemed to turn blind and deaf whenever she was close to remember, the images slipping from her grasp.

She was still in a daze when the melody faded and applause broke against the stage, washing over her like a tidal wave upon the shore.

Every artist who had taken part in the concert was gathering on the stage for a final thank you. Hitomi heard Voris trying to drown the rising level of noise, three women of the _Carmina Burana_ choir pushing between her and Van, separating them. Voris's voice came booming through the loudspeakers and the applause increased once more, the people in the auditorium standing. She felt a bouquet being pressed into her hands. Photoflashes lighted up in the first row.

She felt herself searching for Van in the crowd. He was already gone.

* * *

After the chaos of everybody leaving the stage and entering the backstage area had slightly settled down, Hitomi had literally stumbled into a conversation with Caspar Zongi, a famous tenor.

Hectic bustle surrounded her, people rushing past her, leaving pieces of conversations in their wake. The stage had to be cleaned, jackets had to be handed out, champagne served and a party observed. She felt like stuck in the center of a bee hive, a continuous humming and buzzing filling her ears.

The tall man with the expressive eyes placed a quick kiss on her hand and left with a goodbye and an apologetic smile, mingling with the people that crowded around them. Hitomi had met him during her second year on stage and had been enchanted by him the moment he had aimed his charming smile at her. She sighed.

She didn't feel like attending the party that went with the concert. She had already told Yukari about her plans for the night; a long hot bath in her hotel room and a good book. The young woman smiled to herself and her green eyes absently scanned the place. So many people with so many different plans for the night. Some of them would have to stay up until in the morning, serving expensive drinks and expensive hors d'oeuvres other ones would consume all that was served.

Holding the explosion of colours that was her bouquet to her chest, Hitomi fought her way through the chaos ruling backstage, the noise fading with every step she took. The hallway that led to the changing rooms was surprisingly empty, the artists probably still out talking. Her stilettos were clicking over the floor, the echo bouncing off the walls. She didn't come to even reach her door.

A hand on her shoulder suddenly stopped her and forced her around. Feeling the wall in her back, a terrified yelp died on her lips and she instinctively began to struggle.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed in surprise when she looked up and found familiar blue eyes grinning at her. Familiar but unwelcome blue eyes. "Are you crazy?! What if somebody saw you?"

Allen Schezar grinned lazily. "Relax, I've got everything under control." He held up his right arm which was in a cast and she gave him a suspicious look, tightening the grip on the bouquet. "Just came to check that you didn't do anything stupid."

"Oh, don't worry about that." Hitomi rolled her eyes and tried to brush past him but he simply blocked her way and took a provoking step towards her. She rewarded him with an icy glare. "I want to stage everything quietly just as much as you do."

His grin widened and he placed both hands beside her head, cornering her. "But you were so angry on the phone, baby. You really turned me on there."

"You're disgusting," she spat and her anger fought down the panic that threatened to rise in her throat. Not again. She would never give in to him again. Ever.

"And you're lying."

Without blinking an eye, Hitomi returned his stare. His long, blond hair was tamed in a low ponytail, a few escaped strands grazing his perfect cheeks. His lips twisted in a sneer and he raised a brow when he leaned closer, crushing the bouquet, but she didn't budge. When there was one thing she didn't let anybody touch, it was her dignity. No chauvinistic pig with a too big ego would ever have her crouching.

"Come any closer and you won't be able to make any woman happy for a long time." Her voice was void any emotion, chilling like a winter breeze but he only smirked.

"Dangerous, aren't we?"

"The lady isn't enjoying your company."

Allen's head slowly turned to the direction the familiar voice had come from, blond brows knitting. "Ah, I see you found yourself a new toy." He inspected the young man a few meters down the hallway shamelessly from head to toe, his eyes staying on the violin case. "And a violinist again. Congratulations."

"Allen..." Hitomi warned, holding Van's indiscernible but intense gaze.

"Was about time." Allen turned back to her, completely ignoring Van. "You really need to get laid, peach. You're intolerably bitchy lately."

Surprising her by leaning quickly down, he caught her lips in a kiss. Hitomi's eyes widened and she violently shoved him away after getting over the shock, nausea rising in her throat.

"I'll call you." She gave him a look that was pure venom in reply.

Bowing deeply and completely unimpressed, Allen turned to face Van and their gazes clashed like swords. Both men were scrutinizing each other like lions, their looks hard and appraising. A smile crossed Allen's lips and giving Van one last look, he passed him by.

"His arm worked pretty good for being broken," Van stated when the other man had rounded the corner and looked at Hitomi in a way that made her feel ashamed of herself, ashamed of what he had witnessed. "You shouldn't let him threat you like that even if he's your husband."

"Don't talk about things you don't know a thing about." She was gripping the bouquet so hard her knuckles turned white.

"Trouble in paradise?" The question was so innocent she wanted to laugh.

"Paradise broken." And suddenly she felt like letting it all out. She was sick of swallowing it all. She was sick of putting on this stupid fake smile that seemed to supply poison to her blood like an IV, slowly, continuously, unstoppably, infecting her entire system with a crawling disease that was able to destroy her without her noticing; bitterness. "We are halfway through our divorce."

She raised her gaze when he didn't reply. "What? Surprised?" An icy smile froze her lips, chapping them. "Don't tell me you didn't know. All that glitters is not gold."

Van was watching her calmly, stoically, not a single emotion displayed on his features. He hadn't known she was crumbling behind that mask she wore.

"And oh, you can also tell the press that my soon-to-be-ex-husband is rather spending his time on the Maledives with his latest affair than attending a benefit concert."

She was about to turn around, to leave him, ready to cry but his warm voice stopped her. "Why?"

Why couldn't he be gloating? Why couldn't he be laughing at her? His lack of understanding made her feel as if it wasn't right what she did, as if everything was her own fault. "Why what?"

"Why pretending?"

Hitomi turned her head slightly, hesitating a moment before she looked at him over her shoulder. Coldness had overcome her eyes and it startled him. "The music enchants the people but the Perfect Couple brings the money."

She shrugged indifferently and turned around, the sound of her footsteps fading when she walked down the hallway and her dress twinkling as if it was sprinkled with stars. A door opened and two staff members pulled a mobile wardrobe out of a room nearby, innumerable garments hiding her from his view. When they cleared the hallway again, she was gone.

Van Fanel put up the collar of his jacket and put his violin case in a backpack before leaving the opera through a side exit, stepping out into the snow storm that was still reigning the night in Daedalus. Snowflakes were dancing around his form to an inaudible melody, a dim lamp above the door illuminating their stage. The wind was whispering in his ears, playing with his hair and yanking at his jacket.

Passing by the main entrance, he looked up at the portal where people were seeking shelter from the snow, their conversations scattered by the wind. Floodlights were throwing a pale light against the Doric pillars that carried the stone canopy, the majestic building looking like taken from another time.

And as quietly as he had come he disappeared. Only a stony angel standing on the gable of the opera was watching with blind eyes when he was swallowed by the darkness that was lurking beyond the street lamps.

Snowflakes began to fill his footprints.

_Ask me for what am I living  
Or what gives me strength  
That I'm willing to die for_

* * *


	2. Behind the mask

**Two. Behind the mask**

Three white doves were cuddling on an old iron railing that belonged to a small balcony, their feathers ruffled against the cold February wind. Cooing softly, they closed their eyes, oblivious to the noisy commotion in the streets twenty-three floors beneath their tiny feet.

Hitomi looked up at the dull gray that was spanned over the city of Fanelia like a shroud and sighed. The weather was pressing on her mood and the fact that she was trapped in a hotel room with nothing to do didn't make it exactly better.

The rehearsals for the three concerts the following week would start the next day; concerts without Allen. And one week after, she would have to attend a ball – with her glorious husband. It only meant some more lies and fake smiles, something she was slowly getting used to.

Turning away from the window, she let her gaze sweep across the hotel room, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her sweater. The walls were dark, black predominating in the extraordinaire patterns of the tapestry. Not even the light streaming through the four French windows was able to chase away the darkness that was intensified by the heavy furniture and lifeless carpets. She felt like residing in a huge mausoleum, the white flower arrangements only adding to the morbid atmosphere.

But it hadn't been her choice. Yukari had decided at which hotel she was going to stay.

The young woman tapped a slim finger against her cheek, pondering what to do. Shopping was out of competition for she had been out shopping herself silly the whole morning. The pile of bags beside the door to the bedroom was proof of this spree.

The flute that lay lonely and forgotten on the smooth leather couch also missed to capture her interest, as well as the book beside it. There had to be something for her to do. Her roaming eyes stopped on the telephone and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Mamoru.

Hitomi almost danced towards the couch and plopped down, sprawling out against the armrest. Her slim fingers fished for the cordless phone and excitedly dialed the number. Across the table, the TV was quietly talking to itself.

It rang two times before a male voice answered, drawling seductively into the receiver. "Gigolos for rent. What can I do for you?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes but couldn't fight down the grin that broke across her lips. "Very funny, Dilandau. Who are you trying to scare off?"

"My mom." A good nine hundred kilometers away, the young man who had answered the call sighed and fell on his bed. "I swear she's gonna suffocate me with all the love, one day. And you're sure you don't wanna rent a gigolo, Hitomi?"

"Absolutely." She grinned. "But you know, gigolo already includes that you rent a guy so you don't need to say it. It makes the whole thing less believable."

He ran a hand through his silvery hair and narrowed his albino red eyes. "Oh, really? Thanks!"

"No problem. But say, is my little brother there by any chance?" Hitomi tucked her legs underneath herself and wedged the cordless receiver between chin and shoulder so she could reach for the remote control.

Turning up the volume a notch, she heard the lasts words of a report about the latest events taking place in Freid. According to the Channel 3 news mag, the youngest duke in the country's history had taken up his duty after the sudden death of his father, the former Duke of Freid.

"Hah, that was a good joke," Dilandau laughed in her ear and she switched off the TV with a roll of her eyes when the topic shifted to her arrival in Fanelia, showing herself surrounded by a bunch of reporters. The screen turned black with a quiet, crackling sound. "Mamoru? Here in his dorm? Keeping his lonely room mate company? You have to be shitting me. No, he's in the library, his second home. No wait, his first."

She bit down a chuckle. He sounded genuinely jealous. "Oh, you poor thing."

"Yeah, poor me." He sighed dramatically. "You know these birdies that start pulling their feathers because they're sick with loneliness? That's gonna happen to me."

Hitomi couldn't restrain the laughter any longer. Fighting down the chuckles, she reached for the grapes that had been placed on the table. "You wouldn't look so bad with a bald head, don't worry. You're going to survive it."

"Yeah, sure," he grumbled. "But seriously, could you tell him that studying all the bloody time is absolutely not healthy? I mean, he's not living anymore! He's turning into some bespectacled zombie who's eating books! Plus, I have to deal with all the ladies on my own!"

She choked on a grape but still managed to gasp, faking surprise. "Mygod, I didn't know you were suffering that hard!"

"Yeah, it's exhausting, you know?!" He put a hand on his heart. "A man does need some rest every once in a while!"

Hitomi pulled a face. "Ugh, Dilandau, I didn't want to know that!"

"I know, that's why I'm telling you." A grin appeared on his features that dared to split his skull. "But well, do I give Mamoru a message or something?"

"No no. Just wanted to know how he is."

Dilandau snorted. "Busy studying for the blasted exams."

"I noticed." She smiled.

"Neglecting his room mate!" He jumped off the bed and pointed an accusing finger at the forsaken desk across the room. "And even his sister! Shame on him!"

"Tell him I called, please." Hitomi ran her fingers over the smooth surface of her flute, rolling it over the couch and watching her image distort with the movements. "And that I love him."

"Aye, will tell him that I love him." Dilandau nodded his head enthusiastically and fished a lighter out of his jeans pocket. "That'll be quite the shocker. Can't wait to see his face. You think he'll scream? Oh, but maybe he'll tell me that he loves me, too! That wouldn't be so good..." He switched the lighter on, again and again and again.

"Bye, Dilandau. And tell me about his reaction to your confession."

He saluted and smacked the lighter against his forehead. "Will do," he muttered and swallowed the curse. "Bye and stay safe!"

"You, too!"

Dilandau wiggled his brows. "You know me." She rolled her eyes and ended the conversation with another bye, sending him a loud kiss at which he laughed.

She had hardly pressed the button to hang up when her fingers already flew over the keys again, dialing the next number. After the conversation with her brother's room mate she felt better. She now knew what she needed; company.

The owner of the cell phone she had called didn't even come to open her mouth for Hitomi was already cheerfully chirping into the receiver. "Heydiho, my bestest best friend in the whole wide world!"

Yukari raised a suspicious brow. "Did you forget to take your pills, Hitomi?"

"Haha, I can hardly contain myself," the green-eyed woman retorted dryly and twisted a strand of honey-coloured hair around her finger.

"What's up, plum pudding?" The redhead narrowed her eyes and rummaged through a pile of documents on her desk.

Hitomi shrugged. "Nothing, just wanted to ask if you've got some time for little old me. You know, go for a coffee or something."

"I'd love to, Hitomi, and you know that." Yukari sat down on her desk, crumpling the papers she had just rummaged through, and sighed. "But I was just about to head out. I only want to give my assistant Van Fanel's cheque so she can send it to him by UPS for he –Can you believe it?- forgot it. And then, I'm gone. I'm sorry. I already promised Amano to help him find a birthday present for his mom. And ya know what? As a reward he's going to take me out to the _Escaflowne_ for dinner! Let it roll over your tongue, Hitomi! The _Escaflowne_!"

Hitomi's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're in Pallas? I thought you were here in Fanelia."

Yukari cringed at the other end of the line. "Yah, I came here this morning. I had some things to settle."

She got a disbelieving snort in reply. "I see, you fly all the 800 kilometers for your lovey-dovey boyfriend but I don't matter to you."

"Hitomi..." The redhead rolled her eyes.

"My manager and my lawyer deceiving me behind my back! I'm wounded!"

"Get a grip, 'Tomi." Yukari tilted her head to the side, scanning the thin sheet of paper she was twisting between her fingers.

"Yah yah, I'll survive, don't worry." She waved a hand dismissingly. "But say, this Van Fanel guy. Who is he actually?"

"Suddenly interested?" The redhead cocked a brow and grinned. "He's got those tie-him-to-the-bed good looks. I don't blame you."

"No, that's not what I mean," Hitomi replied angrily and narrowed her eyes. "Apart from the fact that he was late and unfriendly and I didn't like him one bit, I have to admit that he played amazingly."

"I told you he was good."

"No Yukari, not just good." She shook her head vehemently. "I mean totally and completely, breath-takingly and goose bumpishly amazing. I've never heard anybody play that extraordinarily good!"

Yukari chuckled. "Wow, he's really gotten to you. All those new word creations."

"How come he's not known?"

The redhead crossed her legs and inspected her fingernails, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Well, I have to disappoint you but he is known. Or better to say he used to be."

"What do you mean?" Hitomi frowned and put the flute down which she had been twisting in her hand, her curiosity suddenly sparked.

"I mean, he was famous," her friend stated and glanced over her shoulder, the wall of windows that was the skyscraper across the street reflecting the sky. It seemed as if the clouds were kissing the streets. "And I mean really, really famous. They were worshipping the ground he was walking on. He was _the_ discovery, _the_ sensation, _the_ genius. With twelve he played them all, from Bach to Verdi, and people were enchanted whenever he performed. They called him the next Vivaldi."

"And?"

"And suddenly he disappeared." Yukari shrugged.

"Disappeared?" Hitomi echoed and the redhead rolled her eyes, the smile growing.

"Yeah, disappeared," she confirmed airily. "You know, like gone. Vanished. Left. Departed. Not here."

The sandy-blonde muttered something under her breath Yukari couldn't understand, but very well guess. "I know that, thesaurus."

She bit down a chuckle. "He was gone just like that." The snapping of fingers reached Hitomi's ears. "Gone without any explanation; not if it was his decision, because of his family, nothing. Fact is, he simply stopped playing."

Hitomi frowned deeply, popping another grape in her mouth. "Then why did he play that day at the concert?"

"Ya, that's my persuasive magic!" Yukari exclaimed proudly and Hitomi knew her chest was swelling. "Kinda talked him into it. With all the benefit and for kids and all."

"I didn't know you were that unscrupulous."

The redhead shrugged carelessly. "He owed me. And besides, we needed to replace Allen Schezar. We couldn't just take anybody!"

"Why didn't I know all that?" The green eyed woman leaned back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. Someone that good and she hadn't even heard his name before.

"You never asked. He disappeared from the stage six years ago. It was before your time and you weren't exactly interested in things like these."

Was she that unworldly? That she wasn't interested in anything else but herself? "Does it have to be UPS to deliver the cheque?"

"Why do you ask?" Yukari grinned from ear to ear and stopped her assistant who appeared in the door to her office, perfectly plucked brows raised in questioning.

"I'd like to bring him the cheque myself."

Yukari Uchida bit in the back of her hand to stop herself from giggling idiotically. The young woman in the doorframe lifted her shoulders and her boss waved a hand at her, motioning for her to come closer. Clarisse frowned.

"Hmm," Yukari replied and forced down a skull-splitting grin.

Hitomi's green eyes narrowed at once, a tiny little blush creeping upon her cheeks. "Quit that hmm! I don't like that hmm! You only hmm when there is something to imply!"

"It was a completely innocent hmm, simply the noise with which my brain accepted the information," her friend countered matter-of-factly. "I didn't want to imply anything, considering there is nothing to imply, right?"

"I hate you." Hitomi snorted and ripped the front page of the TV guide to pieces. Why did she suddenly feel like a sixteen-year-old? "Can I have the cheque or what?"

"What if I told you that you had to cross the entire continent to bring him the cheque?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes. "I'd call you a liar because I know he's living here in Fanelia."

"How's that?" Yukari's brows rose in surprise and at the other side of the line Hitomi flushed in spite of herself.

"I asked Voris."

"Hmm," was the quiet reply and Hitomi's eyes narrowed, knowing that Yukari was probably grinning from ear to ear.

"Well?" she barked.

"If it means I have to send UPS to your hotel although I could send them just a few blocks down to where he lives just so you have an excuse to see him, so be it." The redhead sighed dramatically. "Whatever makes you happy but Gaddes will accompany you. I'll inform Clarisse about the change of plans. Have fun with the hottie, I'm off shopping."

And with that, she ended the conversation, cutting off Hitomi who had just started to complain about her best friend forgetting about her over some random guy. The redhead put down her cell phone and looked at the innocent sheet of paper in her hand, a thoroughly satisfied smirk spreading across her features.

* * *

The gullibly brown-painted door didn't exactly look like it led into the world of a musical genius. To be exact, the entire apartment building didn't look like she had imagined the residence of a prodigy. He must have earned a fortune in his seven years of success. What did he do with all the money? Betting? Drugs? Women?

She knocked.

Great. And what was she going to say? _Sorries for being such a bitch at the concert and it would be nice if you could forget it. Oh, and here is your cheque. Thank you for cooperating._ That would be real smooth. But why was she worrying about what to say anyways? And why wasn't there anybody answering the door?

"Maybe he's not here," a deep voice cut into her thoughts and she graced her bodyguard with a dry look. Gaddes was casually leaning by the wall beside her, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Maybe he's just deaf." She knocked again. "Hello-hoo, anybody there-here...?"

"If you search Mr. Fanel..."

Her sing-song question ended in a mortified yelp that reverberated from the walls, sounding like a hundred screams.

Swirling around, eyes wide and heart beating a mile a minute, she came to face a short woman who was probably thrice her age, with an apron around her bony waist. Curious pale-blue eyes were trained on her. "If you search Mr. Fanel, he's not here."

Despite the almost-heart-attack she had still to deal with, Hitomi felt the sudden urge to counter, 'Really?'. However, she swallowed the reply. Something about that woman told her she wouldn't be so fond of that kind of sarcasm.

She caught Gaddes's smug look but decided to ignore him. "And...? Do you know where he is?"

"Yeah."

Hitomi was hardly able to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Why was everybody trying to annoy her out of her skin? First Yukari and now that woman. What was so difficult in articulating some simple words that happened to contain the information of Van Fanel's whereabouts? It wasn't brain surgery or anything!

"Well," she started with exaggerated patience in her voice and a sickeningly sweet smile on her lips. "Would you mind telling me?"

The elderly woman crossed her wrinkled arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes what Hitomi interpreted as a bad sign. "Who are you? Are you some stalker? I've heard of your kind on TV..."

"No!" she almost exploded, cheeks on fire. "No, I'm not stalking him! I just..." _Wanted to bring him his salary for two nights ago because he forgot it?!_ Now that sounded a whole lot better. She sighed. "He forgot something."

Small eyes narrowed even more. It couldn't come any worse. Could it? "Are you his girlfriend?"

"No!" Bloody hell! What was it with people lately?

"No, she is not." Gaddes took a step ahead and smiled politely, the elderly woman eyeing him suspiciously.

"Of course." And suddenly there was this little smile dancing around wrinkled lips. "Because if you were his girlfriend, you'd know that he's giving choir classes at Isaac Dornkirk Middle School, right now."

Hitomi blinked. Okay, there were two explanations to this insanity; either she was turning crazy (what her brother had already foretold her with the help of coffee grounds way some time ago and which would finally declare him an oracle) or every-freakin'-body _around her_ was turning completely mad.

She was going for the latter.

Hitomi opened her mouth to reply but closed it right away when she suddenly changed her mind. "Thank you."

"No problem." The woman smiled at her who turned with a curt nod of her head, intending to head down the stairs. "Please, tell him the package he had been waiting for arrived today. I took it from the delivery boy. He can come by to get it when he's back."

Hitomi turned slightly. "Okay."

Eleven kilometers and too much traffic later, she stood in front of Isaac Dornkirk Middle School, colourfully decorated windows smiling down at her. Red bricks were shining unnaturally bright in the light of the low February sun and the snow that had fallen two days ago was piling beside the cleared stairway.

"Thank you, Gaddes," she mumbled. "I know this isn't part of your job."

A warm chuckle sounded from beside her and she looked up into smiling brown eyes. "You're my job." He ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. "I'll wait here."

Tiny stones that had been scattered across it were crunching under the soles of her boots and when she entered the main hallway she was greeted by silence. Well, almost.

A small smile formed on her lips when she heard children chant and she went to follow the noise, tiptoeing along the hallway, carefully, as if not wanting to disturb the building's peaceful slumber. And like a bee attracted to a deliciously smelling cake, she followed the noise along the hallway, past closed doors and innumerable drawings that covered the walls.

She found the source of the singing around the first corner, an opened door inviting to listen. The clicking of her shoes on the smooth linoleum floor echoed around her, supplying the song with a multiplied metre.

It was a small classroom with all the tables and chairs pushed to the walls, leaving free space in the center. He sat on a chair with a guitar resting on his right knee, fifteen kids surrounding him in a semi-circle. They were singing enthusiastically while his fingers gently struck the strings, auburn eyes watching the young choir attentively. She couldn't help but smile. The only thing missing was the fairy tale book and the picture would be complete.

Quietly, she sat down on one of the chairs aligned at the wall and observed. Fifteen pairs of eyes were trained on him, watching him carefully. Their high voices were melodic in their own childish way and she blinked when a deep baritone suddenly joined in. Raising her brows in surprise, Hitomi shifted her gaze to watch Van support his little apprentices with an impressive voice.

The silence that was following the last tunes of the song was broken by her applause. Fifteen heads plus one turned around.

He looked genuinely surprised. Two days ago, he hadn't looked the slightest bit as if he could be surprised by anything at all. His dark brows were raised and vanished behind unruly strands of jet-black hair that tumbled clumsily into his view. Although she hadn't thought it possible, they seemed even more tousled than at the night of the concert. From out of the shadows between them, auburn eyes were watching her curiously.

"What can I do for you?"

She rose from the chair and smoothed her skirt, feeling his pupils' eyes on her. "Do you have a minute or two?"

Van looked at her a second longer before he turned to his choir. "You were better this time. It was really good." He stressed his words with an approving nod. "I think we call it a day, what do you say?"

There was a whisper and heads turned, surreptitious looks cast over shoulders, fingers pointing secretively at Hitomi.

"Hey?" Van tried to catch the children's attention by waving a hand. "I said you can go..."

They hushed each other before straightening and chorusing, "Till next time, Mr. Fanel."

In a ruffling of clothes and shuffling of feet, the small group started moving. Every pair of eyes was trained on her when they marched past, big round orbs glued to her form. She waved at the little boy who was the last one leaving the room, his luminous green eyes reminding her of her brother. Although Mamoru hadn't looked like such a little angel when he was younger.

"Well?" His voice startled her out of her thoughts and she turned to observe him putting the guitar in a case. He raised one brow at her before leaning the case against the wall.

Why did this whole mission suddenly seem so stupid to her? Why was she nervous? Why could a simple glance make her nervous? She didn't allow him to make her nervous. "You forgot your cheque."

There was a noise close to a strangled laugh escaping his throat and he ran a hand through his hair when he faced her again. "Well then, I'm sorry to tell you that you came all the way for nothing." Hitomi raised a questioning brow. "I didn't forget it."

"You...?"

"I don't want the money." Van looked at his watch, rolling up the sleeve of the thin, white pullover he wore underneath a red, short-sleeved shirt. In contrast to her, he seemed perfectly comfortable and at ease with himself. She frowned when he emptied a box of crayons on a table, placing a sheet of squared paper beside the colourful pile.

"It was a benefit concert after all." He shrugged and glanced at her over his shoulder. "I didn't do it for the money. Give it to the poor and starving children back in Basram as your manager put it so very sympathetically."

She averted her eyes, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. She usually isn't..." Hitomi trailed off when her eyes caught sight of a little girl who quietly entered the room that very moment and stiffly walked to the table beside Van. Without taking notice of anything around her, she started to rummage through the crayons after sitting down, her pink hair sparkling.

"Why are you sorry? It wasn't your fault, was it?" He put a hand on the girl's head and began to softly stroke her hair, rubbing the cat-ears that were peeking out of the pink mob. "Hey, Merle. How have you been?"

The young cat-girl didn't reply and continued to sort the crayons according to colours, her striped tail hanging limply from the chair while she was softly rocking back and forth. Hitomi crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Look who is here." Van kneeled down beside Merle, focusing his intense eyes solely on her. "Say hello to Ms Kanzaki, Merle."

He tucked a strand of silky pink hair behind her ear and Hitomi couldn't believe his voice could be so soft. And there was a smile on his lips that could have melted any woman's heart if directed at one.

"I know you can hear me. Look at me, Merle." The cat-girl turned her head to face him but her eyes were trained on something at the ceiling only she could see. And suddenly, Hitomi knew.

She had seen this behavior before. She had seen children ignore her. She had seen children display seemingly endless disinterest. She had seen children scream when there was obviously no reason to. It wasn't rudeness. It wasn't because of neglect. It wasn't wrong upbringing by parents. It was autism.

"You're not looking at me," he continued quietly, with an enviable patience. "Do you know who she is? She's the lady you made wait on Saturday night. She was really angry and it would only be right if you apologized, don't you think? Come on, Merle, apologize."

"What?" Hitomi was more than confused.

"Because of her I was late at the concert," Van explained quietly, shifting his gaze to Hitomi without stopping to stroke Merle's cheek. She, however, chose to ignore him and directed her attention back to the squared paper and the crayons. "She had developed some fever during the day and it was quite a fight to first, get her to the doctor and second, to get her to stay with the baby-sitter. It cost me a lot of persuasive power, sweets and a visit to the zoo to convince her to stay. Good you're corrupt, right?" He ruffled her chin-long hair affectionately. "Come, apologize. Do it for me, please."

"So-rry." The words were quiet and clipped, clumsily stumbling across her lips.

"You're not looking at her, Merle," Van chided. "You know it's not polite to not look at people when you talk with them."

Allen hardly ever looked at her when he talked to her. Why she thought of that at the moment, she didn't know.

She only knew that she was feeling like the biggest jerk on the entire planet right then. It had been unfair to yell at him for being late without asking for the reason. And she felt like a complete bitch for knowing that she wouldn't have accepted the reason for his lateness even if he had told her. She felt like an old bag who was frustrated with herself for loading him with Allen's and her dirty linen. She felt misplaced and rather superfluous right there in the classroom, watching these two strangers interact so intimately.

She had never felt so ignorant.

"It's okay." Who was she to expect an apology? It was more like she had taken a lollipop away from the girl and was now waiting for her to apologize for crying.

A light cough interrupted her thoughts and she found Van looking at her, sheepishly scratching the back of his head. "Well, I'm usually not the one to kick people out but we have to leave now. We have a packed schedule, you know. And sorry again because of the cheque."

Hitomi blinked. He didn't just apologize, did he? "No, it's alright." She looked around. "I better leave, too." _My empty hotel room is waiting for me._ She couldn't make loneliness wait, could she?

She shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other when he whispered something in Merle's ear, all the while smiling this incredible smile which was the reason why she envied the autistic girl. She couldn't recall ever having received anything that precious.

He swiftly rose and reached for his jacket that was slung over a chair, the cat-girl sliding stiffly off her seat. Taking her hand, he looked up to face Hitomi, unruly strands falling into his eyes. "We wanted to go to the park to feed the ducks and Merle was asking if you maybe wanted to join us."

Hitomi frowned. "You do know that the lake is frozen, don't you?"

"Let that be my problem," he told her and his eyes sparkled in amusement. "I was asking if you wanted to join us."

Her family and friends were almost thousand kilometers away in Asturia. Yukari was out on a date. Even her husband probably had a date. There was nobody waiting for her, nobody missing her. "I'd like that, thank you."

* * *

The sky had cleared a bit, a pale sun twinkling through the clouds where an icy wind had torn them. Fine snow dust was blown across the white paths that crossed the park, making Hitomi snuggle deeper into her scarf.

She was listening to the snow crunching softly under her boots and the ones of the three people walking beside her.

"Can I ask you a question?" she finally broke the silence that had accompanied them all the way to the park like a stray dog, and glanced at Van. He was leading Merle by the hand and tilted his head slightly to the side to watch Hitomi, eyes dancing curiously. "I mean, you played fantastically on the violin. And Yukari told me that you are a genius. A virtuoso, a magician with the violin."

"I am?" He turned away and she noticed his lips twitching faintly.

Hitomi bit her lip and stared at the tips of her boots where snow was gathering. "Why did you stop playing? You could have had an unparalleled career. You could have seen the world. You could have played with the best. Why did you stop?"

"I didn't stop playing." She caught the unreadable look in his auburn orbs when he glanced at her and frowned. "Life is full of surprises, you know. Merle was my box of chocolate candy."

His eyes were smiling down at the little girl who was trotting loyally at his side. She had turned her head up to the sky, refusing to take notice of her surroundings, not willing to deal with the world. "I know the possibilities I've had but what would have happened to Merle? I was nineteen and my entire life was suddenly turned completely upside down."

"But..." She trailed off and looked up at him, delicate brows knitted in a frown that resembled a hundred questions swirling through her mind.

"You don't understand that, do you? You've never been at a point where you had to decide, right? You've probably had a perfect childhood. With all the opportunities given to you on a silver plate. Without any obstacles." Glancing at her out of the corners of his eyes, Van saw a bitter smile twist her lips and knew he had once again spoken without thinking. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I've always admired people who stood to their opinion and I've always despised those who didn't." Hitomi sighed and hugged herself tighter, watching her breath gather in front of her face in a white cloud. "But you're right. I never had to decide between my music and my family. Not even between my music and my husband." She gave an emotionless laugh. "And look where it got me."

"Why did you actually come?"

Her head snapped up at his unexpected words and pure bewilderment occupied her features. "Pardon?"

"As far as I know, Hitomi Kanzaki doesn't deliver cheques," Van replied matter-of-factly and stopped when he reached the shore of a lake, snow merging into ice at his feet. Leaning down, he whispered something in Merle's ear and the cat-girl nodded absently at a tree.

"So, that's the reason why you asked me to join you." Hitomi huffed and frowned when he took Merle under the arms and carefully entered the frozen surface of the lake. "What are you doing?"

"As I said, going to feed the ducks," he explained patiently like she was slow on the uptake and nodded his head at the center of the lake where the water wasn't frozen and a flock of ducks was lazily drifting.

She frowned. "In case you cannot read but the sign over here is saying that it's forbidden to enter the ice."

Van rolled his eyes at her and continued to slide on the ice towards the ducks. "Thanks for telling me, mom."

Hitomi grumbled and looked at Gaddes who simply shrugged at her, before staggering across the ice to catch up with Van. It was cracking ominously beneath her feet and she raised a wary brow at him. "You sure this is safe?"

"Why, do you mind a little bath?" She scowled at his back when he bent down and set Merle back on her feet. "Don't worry. Yesterday, I was here and I didn't go swimming."

Pulling a plastic bag out of the pocket of his black coat, he glanced at her and hid a smile when she began to check the ice with one foot, honey-coloured strands tumbling into her view. She didn't look exactly comfortable.

He took a few crumbs of bread out of the bag and pressed them in Merle's little hand. She threw them carelessly away and the ducks started to fight noisily over the food, water splashing and brown feathers dancing on the waves. The girl didn't seem to care for she had craned her neck, looking at a spot somewhere far far away, somewhere in her own world.

"Your bodyguard?" Van's soft voice suddenly invaded Hitomi's thoughts and she turned around to where he nodded his head.

"Hmm," she nodded and shuffled her foot over the ice. "It's been alright with the press until October but then they seemed to flock as if they were preparing to head for the south. Unfortunately, they didn't. The paparazzi can scent that something is going on."

Merle threw some more bread. "But this isn't answering my question," Hitomi said after a moment of silence and Van raised a confused brow at her. "Why did you ask me to join you?"

Two ducks erupted into a noisy fight about some bread when he spoke. "I wanted to give you a chance to lift whatever weight is pressing down on you." She narrowed her eyes at his cryptic reply. "You don't smile."

"Do you want to imply I look sad?"

He turned to face the lake and threw a handful of bread himself, watching absently when innumerable beaks dove for them. "That's what you said. I didn't want to imply anything. But this doesn't answer my question of why you came."

She sighed and reached up to fish for something from within the depths of her coat. Sunlight broke on the smooth surface of the tear-shaped gem she was wearing on a chain around her neck. "I wanted to apologize," she said quietly, twisting the gem between her fingers, and he cast her a confused look. "I was angry at myself and I let it out on you. I didn't mean to be so bitchy. And thanks for not going straight to the press with everything I told you. They would have loved to tear me to pieces."

"Pink tear." Van closed his mouth and stared in surprise at Merle who had wriggled past him and was now standing right in front of Hitomi. Her head was turned away but he knew exactly that she was observing. "Pink tear."

"She likes your pendant," he informed Hitomi and pointed at the gem. "She's fascinated by colours. "

Hitomi looked from Van to Merle and her eyes were smiling when she unclasped the chain. A gentle hand, however, stopped her when she was about to hand her pendant to the cat-girl. "Let me do it, please. She's not used to strangers touching her."

She studied his face closely when he leaned down, his eyes dancing. "I was at your apartment before I came to the school and that dragon watching your door told me to tell you that the package you were waiting for had arrived."

Kneeling on the ice, he raised his eyes at her and she felt slightly self-conscious under the intensity of his gaze. "Dragon?"

"You know, this woman living next door who thought I was a stalker."

He gave a laugh. "Oh! I almost forgot it! And I have been waiting for the bloody CD for so long. Sometimes there is just so much on my mind that I wouldn't be surprised if I left my head at home, one day."

Hitomi stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coat and turned her head to watch Merle play with the gem, pink hair sparkling in the sunlight. "Where is her mother?" By the moment the words had left her lips, Hitomi wanted to reach out and grab them so to stuff them back into her loose mouth and lock it.

Her head sunk between her shoulders in mortification and she crossed her fingers, hoping he had not heard her.

"She died in childbirth."

"I'm sorry." She pulled the scarf from her mouth and looked out at the frozen lake. "It must be hard as a single parent."

There was a brief silence in which the wind chased diamond dust across the ice and utter confusion flashed across Van's features. And only the blink of an eye later, deep and loud laughter echoed into the winter sky, scaring off some ducks that had neared the ice in hopes of getting more food.

Hitomi swirled around only to find him sitting on the ice, roaring with laughter. It was pleasant to watch. Merle stood calmly beside him, engrossed in studying Hitomi's pendant, seemingly oblivious to everything around her.

"What's so funny?"

Straightening slightly, he placed his hands on his knees and looked up at her, auburn eyes twinkling through tousled strands of jet-black hair. She felt her insides churn at the smile that lazily stretched across his lips, like a lion awakening and yawning into the sun.

"You think I'm the father?" She blinked at him and felt a flush creep onto her cheeks. Was he teasing her?

"Because I'm not." Van tilted his head to the side, his eyes not leaving her face for a second, and Hitomi felt like she was pinned to a wall, unable to escape. "Merle is my half-sister."

She felt foolish beyond words and wished the ice beneath her feet would just break so the lake could swallow her. It would be so much easier then.

Hitomi wasn't exactly able to summon a mayor rising of temperature that would break ten inches of ice with her death wish but the ringing of her cell phone – which was just as welcome.

"Hey, sis!" the deep voice of a young man chirped in her ear when she pushed the key to answer the call and she grinned broadly. Mamoru, her knight in shining armor came to rescue her from further embarrassment.

"Hey yourself, favourite brother," she replied in a sing-song voice and caught Van's gaze still on her.

"I'm your only brother," Mamoru deadpanned and Hitomi averted her eyes from the man at her feet.

"What's up?"

The young man ran a hand through his dark hair and let his gaze wander across the noisy campus, propping his elbow against the pay phone beside the cafeteria. "I got Dilandau's declaration of love."

Hitomi bit down on her lip to not burst out laughing. "Heard you're in Fanelia right now. My college is not too far away and I wanted to ask if you'd maybe like to meet halfway and go for a coffee or something."

She faked a gasp. "What?! You're in the middle of your exams and you really want to sacrifice an afternoon for your humble sister? Who are you and what did you do to my brother?"

"Haha. But don't tell Dilandau." Mamoru cast a wary glance over his shoulder, his green eyes twinkling mischievously. "Well?"

"I'd love to." Hitomi couldn't stop grinning. She hadn't spoken with her brother for so long, let alone seen him. He was studying aeronautics and space technology at the Fanelia University of Technology, she was traveling the world. It was mostly the case that when one of them had time, the other one was busy. She hadn't even seen him on Christmas.

"Great." The grin on Mamoru's face mirrored the one of his sister but it merged into a frown when there was a familiar hooting in his ear. "Uh-oh. I'm running out of money here. Will get some more coins and call you back in a few minutes. Bye!" And the connection was cut.

"Bye." She grinned and shook her head.

"You're leaving?"

Her head snapped up at his voice and she nodded. While she had been talking to her brother, Van had picked himself up and was now dusting the snow off of his coat. She caught herself staring at him. "Thanks."

"What for?" He raised a questioning brow at her.

She shrugged. "Just felt like saying it." Her fingers tightened around the crumpled sheet of paper in the pocket of her jacket before pulling it out.

"Donate it," he said and smiled at her, his hand resting on Merle's head.

She tucked it back in her pocket and stared at her feet. "Alright. I have to go, Mr. Fanel."

Van chuckled. "Good luck with the performance, Ms. Kanzaki."

Hitomi snorted and drew patterns in the thin layer of snow with the tip of her boot. "You should wish Allen good luck for he can call himself lucky when I don't rip his head straight off."

She averted her eyes from his face and looked at the ducks that were drifting lazily on the lake again, their eyes closed and a gentle breeze ruffling their feathers.

Why was she still there?

"Well, I have to go." She resolutely put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and nodded at Van who returned the gesture with a casual wave of his hand. Hesitating a moment longer, Hitomi finally turned away and left them both on the ice, not knowing what to make of the nagging feeling of disappointment inside her.

When she reached Gaddes who had waited at the shore she could still feel Van's eyes burning in her back.

* * *


	3. Watching life from the sideline

**Three. Watching life from the sideline**

With a sigh, Yukari Uchida leaned against the dark marble walls of an elevator, the cold of the smooth stone seeping into her. She watched Amano telling the liftboy that they were headed for the 23rd floor before turning to her with a smile, chestnut-coloured hair framing his face.

She raised a challenging eyebrow at him and grinned coyly, the doors sliding quietly shut. Amano rolled his eyes and nodded at the liftboy who stood with his back to them but was watching their reflections in the door.

"He could join us." She shrugged nonchalantly and Amano threw his head back, laughing loudly.

"You wish." Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, he spotted the liftboy's ears glowing red, and shook his head. He really felt sorry for the poor guy.

Yukari tilted her head slightly to the side and studied his features, Amano returning her stare with a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He was too cute, always a bit uncomfortable with public display of affection. But she would show him what he was missing out, with persuasive and foolproof arguments no man could resist.

It was only ironic that she had met Amano through a divorce. Half a year ago, she had employed him as Hitomi's lawyer, employed him to end a horrible fight. It had all seemed to be so perfect. And it had been. But it wasn't meant to last forever, not even for three years.

At the age of twenty-three, Hitomi had married Allen Schezar whom she had met on the stage. She played the flute, he played the violin. They were a dream team, enchanting the people with their music and their charm. And now, three years later, they were about to be divorced after one and a half year of playing charade.

A warm hand on her one made her snap out of her thoughts. "You're not thinking about pleasant things." Amano dragged her out of the elevator and they entered the hallway that led to Hitomi's suite.

Not pleasant was the understatement of the year. She could remember the day Hitomi had told her about her decision as if it was yesterday. The words, the tears and the tired expression in her eyes was still fresh in her mind, just like the guilt. She would never be able to forgive herself for talking her best friend into trying it again and giving Allen yet another chance, into putting back together the pieces of a broken vase while it was falling apart on the other side again.

"If you keep on frowning like that, you'll be all wrinkled in a few years." She looked up at Amano and narrowed her eyes. "What were you thinking about?"

She looked at the door of Hitomi's suite and knocked. "Nothing. It was nothing."

Amano tucked his hands in the pockets of his pants and rocked on his heels like a little boy. "Didn't know nothing could make you look like you just got to know that your favourite boutique was insolvent."

Another knock. She hadn't told him the whole story but it sure wasn't a topic to discuss in front of Hitomi's hotel room. Speaking of that. Where was that woman?

The redhead started to attack and violate the door with her fist until Amano took hold of it, giving her a dry look. "Hey, Jackie Chan, did you ever consider that she might not be there before breaking through her door with your bare fists?"

"No, baka, because we're supposed to accompany her to the hairdresser." As if to prove her words, there was the faint clicking of a lock and she gave him the superior I-was-right-and-you-not look.

It was fourteen thirty. Yukari wasn't expecting what opened the door.

It was hardly identifiable as a human being. It was wrapped in baggy sleeping pants and a shirt that could have been a circus tent with goats dancing all across it. Its shoulders were tiredly slumped, its skin looking like a crumpled sheet of paper and its hair rumpled as if a bird had tried to build a nest with it.

"Yukari?" the thing croaked hoarsely and squinted its eyes that were swollen from sleep.

"Do you," Yukari pressed lowly through gritted teeth, her hands fisted at her sides so not to jump her friend and simply throttle her senseless, "have any clue what time it is?"

Hitomi glanced at her bare arm in bewilderment but finding no watch there, looked back up at her manager. "It's half past two in the afternoon," the redhead said slowly and fixed Hitomi with blazing brown eyes. "And do you, by any chance, know what day we have?"

"Monday?"

"Yeah, and it's freakin' Valentine's Day, Hitomi!" Yukari bellowed and brushed past her into the dark hotel room, only a small lamp beside the door illuminating it. With long, determined and unhealthily angry strides, she crossed the room and opened the curtains, bright daylight streaming in and chasing away the shadows.

Hitomi winced and covered her eyes as if she were a vampire. "Oh."

"Oh?" the redhead echoed in disbelief and opened the windows, inviting the cool February air. "Oh? Is that all you have to say?! You should have been at the tailor's to get your dress fitted at one. And you've got your bloody hairdresser appointment in half an hour. What's gotten into you?"

"Yukari..." Hitomi shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself when a cool breeze crawled over skin.

The redhead spread her arms. "Don't _Yukari_ me! Do you know how hard it was to get an appointment? To get the tailor to correct your dress once more? You're not the only one who wants to look nice tonight, you know? All these starlets smelled blood and think they can collect popularity points at the Valentine's Ball, today!"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not because you don't give a shit." She ran a hand through her hair and began to pace the carpet, pointing a finger at Hitomi. "But you know what? You signed a contract, missy! And I will not allow you to go around breaking the rules as you please just because you're on some kind of revenge trip! You don't clean up the mess afterwards, do you? No, because it's me! It's always me trying to calm choleric promoters when you felt like skipping an event again!"

"Yukari..." It was the first time Amano spoke up since they had left the elevator and Hitomi was mortified to find him there, leaning against the closed door. She hadn't noticed him.

He walked over to the fuming redhead, hiding a grin when he saw Hitomi's shirt. Pressing her arms against her sides, he looked down at her and she sighed. "I know, sorry. I got carried away." She wriggled out of his grasp with a weak smile and looked at Hitomi. "But just think about it, Hitomi. I know that you don't want to go to the Valentine's Ball with Allen but you're playing on to him if you don't go. You'll only make it easier for him to bring you down to your knees. And you don't want that, do you?"

Hitomi averted her eyes. "No."

There was a huff and she looked up to find Yukari crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Fine then. Hurry up and get out of these clothes. Maybe we can at least do some damage containment. Did you already look into the mirror? You could frighten the yeti."

There was a tiny smile hiding at the corners of her mouth but it didn't come to fully spread across her lips for right then the phone rang. The shrill sound shattered the silence that had settled over them after Yukari's outburst and Hitomi turned to answer the call on the phone beside the couch.

She pressed the black receiver against her ear. "Yes?"

"Ms. Kanzaki, this is Ruhm from the reception," a rough but warm voice spoke up. "Your husband is here and wants to talk to you. Do you want me to send him up to your room?"

"NO!" she exclaimed in a horrified yell and immediately clamped her hand over her mouth when she saw Yukari and Amano raising their brows in surprise. "I mean, no. I'm not decent. Please, tell him to wait in the lobby. I'll be down in fifteen minutes. Thank you."

"As you wish."

Hitomi placed the receiver back down with a sigh and turned to the couple. "Speak of the devil." She shrugged and crossed the living room, heading for her bedroom to get her clothes. "Allen's in the lobby. Don't know what he wants. Maybe he's dying to tell me about his latest conquest."

Yukari barked a laugh. "Alright. Do I come with you or can you deal with him yourself?"

"Thanks but I think I can manage him myself. Will show him just how unwanted he is and will get rid of him in record time." She smiled and disappeared in the bathroom.

"Alright, we'll wait until you come back and then go to the hairdresser," Yukari yelled over the noise of the shower being turned on.

"Thanks! Make yourself at home!"

There was a brief silence before the noise of the shower increased in volume and Hitomi's head appeared in the doorframe. "But not too much at home, please. I don't want these images of my best friend and my lawyer making out on my couch haunting me while watching TV. Thank you for your understanding."

After the shower, she felt like a newborn human being and ready to deal with everything Allen was up to. A confident air around her, Hitomi stepped out of the elevator and crossed the noisy hall. Snippets of conversations were floating around her, bellhops rushing past her, pushing trolleys full of cases across the tiled floor.

She spotted Allen in the lobby, his tall body casually slumped in an armchair, his eyes trained on the waitress in front of him. He was giving the young woman a charming smile, enchanting and knee-weakening, the same smile he had always flashed at her. She had felt as if she were the only woman on the entire planet. Obviously, she hadn't been the only one.

Disgust was all she felt now when she saw him smiling like that. Crossing the hall, she turned slightly to where the receptionist was animatedly arguing with a customer across the counter – and suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide in surprise.

The young man Ruhm had been talking to had turned to face her as well, his dark hair in the seemingly usual state of absolute disorder and his intense eyes focusing on her. Van Fanel was standing by the counter, a bunch of flowers in his long-fingered violinist's hand.

Hitomi felt the knot her insides had tangled into at Allen's arrival loosen ever so slowly and a hesitant smile slipping onto her lips. After raising a confused brow at the dry look he gave Ruhm, she watched him close the distance between them with long, confident strides.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Kanzaki," he greeted with a light bow, his eyes dancing. "I thought..."

Van didn't come any further for Ruhm had finally managed to catch up with him, his tall form shielding Hitomi immediately. "I'm sorry, Ms. Kanzaki, but this gentleman here asked me for the number of your room and simply couldn't accept a no. I can arrange for him to be removed from the hotel if you wish."

She couldn't hide her grin when she saw Van raise his brows at her over Ruhm's broad shoulders. "No, it's okay, Ruhm. I know him. Thank you, though."

With a short nod at Hitomi and one long stare at Van, the tall man left to put his huge body back behind the counter, flashing his most polite smile at the next customer.

"He probably thought I was a stalker." The young man beside her sheepishly scratched the back of his head and she couldn't help but feel curious at why he was at the hotel at all. And a tiny little part inside Hitomi hoped that she was the reason, that the flowers were for her.

"What brings you here?"

And as if he had waited for that cue, Van produced a flat, rectangular box from out of the pocket of his jacket, the flowers rustling softly with the movement. Her eyes widened to saucers.

"Valentine's Day," he offered with a lop-sided grin and she quickly took a step away from him, shaking her head.

"I cannot accept it! I-I don't even know you!"

Van rolled his eyes and held the box out to her. "You don't even know what it is!" He pressed it into her hands when she tried to pull them away, looking at him in disbelief and shock. "Will you just look at it?"

Not knowing what to think, she first eyed him and then the box, proceeding to loosen the loop that held it close. Her heart was hammering in her chest that she thought it was going to burst and a gasp left her lips when she finally saw what was inside.

"My pendant!" she exclaimed and looked up at him.

Van hid a smile and shrugged nonchalantly. "I knew you'd like it."

"Thank you." Her cheeks were on fire when she handed him the empty box and clasped the chain back around her neck. Why was it that she always ended up horribly embarrassing herself in front of him? First the father thing and now that. What had she expected, a proposal? Someone really needed a vacation.

"You forgot it the day we went to the lake." He was looking her directly in the eye and she found it hard to hold his penetrating gaze, his eyes the oddest colour she had ever seen; it reminded her of the wood some of the most expensive violins were made of.

She looked down at her pendant and held the fragile gem gently. Every excuse to escape his gaze for a moment.

"I had quite a fight getting it back. When she's smitten with something you can be sure Merle will use her claws to defend it." He shook his head absently.

"Where is she actually?" Hitomi looked around when she noticed that the cat-girl wasn't with him. "You didn't do anything to her, did you?"

He gave a laugh and shook his head, unruly strands swaying.

Delicate brows knitted. "Why didn't you take her with you?" Oh, how she wanted to kick herself! Who was she, his mother? Couldn't she just leave him be? Why did she have to be so nosy? What was she going to ask next? The colour of his boxers?

Her cheeks flushed slightly at the thought and she watched him lift his jacket to tuck his right hand in the pocket of his pants. "Actually, I have planned something else where I cannot take her with me." She frowned. Was it just her or did he seem unsure? "Do you have some time? I'd like to show you something."

Hitomi blinked her green eyes at him. "I...I don't..."

Her gaze darted around. Allen was still talking to the waitress in the lobby, waiting for her. Turning further around, she watched a cart with a dozen suitcases piled on it being pushed out of the elevator. Twenty-three floors up there, Yukari was waiting for her as well.

"If not, it's alright." Van's deep voice wafted into her thoughts and she turned back around to face him. "I don't want you to feel plagued by me."

"No no!" She was surprised at how fast the words were out. It seemed as if a certain part of her had already decided what to do. "It's just...umm, I can't leave right now. I have to settle some things first."

"How much time do you need?"

They both turned when a loud clattering suddenly echoed within the hall and they found a young bellhop sitting in a heap of suitcases, his head beet red. "Two hours maybe."

Van looked at his watch. "What about five thirty?"

"Sounds good to me." She smiled at him and watched the bouquet being twisted and turned in his hands, yellow tulips and orange carnations dancing animatedly.

"Good. Five thirty at the eastern end of Vargas' Bridge." An orange petal was floating to the polished ground where it remained lying, admiring its own reflection on the polished tiles. "At the statue of the king. I'll be waiting for you."

Hitomi nodded her head slowly. She had never heard of that bridge before, not that it surprised her. When she was playing at concerts she was usually drowning in work and rehearsals so that there was hardly any time for some sightseeing. "Oh. Okay."

"Don't worry, you cannot miss it," he assured her with a small smile and nodding at her, the young man turned around to leave. "See you later."

"Yeah, bye." Brushing a strand of honey-coloured hair out of her face, she followed his retreating form with her eyes until he entered the busy streets of Fanelia through wide glass doors.

The flowers hadn't been for her. Was it disappointment she felt?

Hitomi shook her head, chasing away the stupid thoughts. But once more, she felt that something was going on with her, something she couldn't control or understand. She had agreed to meet with a stranger and she didn't even feel the slightest bit guilty that she was hoping to miss out the ball.

And she knew why.

Her eyes caught Allen and her hands fisted determinedly at her sides when she crossed the hall toward the lobby. No matter what would happen, she could always say it had been _her_ decision.

* * *

"See, this is exactly what I mean!" Yukari let her head drop on the backrest of the car they had just entered, and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Yelling and complaining, that's all they can do. They seem to be forgetting that we pay them a bloody fortune! Isn't it so?! Amano!"

"What?" The young man exclaimed and shared a confused look with Hitomi over the back of her seat. She was occupying the passenger seat while Yukari and Amano sat in the fond. "You called him an ungrateful parasite! What did you expect him to do? Kiss your feet? Of course, he starts barking back at you."

The redhead snorted. "Oh, puh-lease. If he cannot even take a bit of criticism..." She frowned when her eyes came to rest on her best friend who had her head tilted against the window, creating a paper dragonfly out of candy wrapping.

Despite his parasitish attitude, Yukari had to admit that Moleman had done a marvelous job in the shortness of time. Her hair was slightly curling at the ends, gathered at the back of her head with the help of green pins. Simple but beautiful, as was her make-up. There was only the barest tint of rouge and lip-gloss, every attention drawn to her eyes that seemed to glow a brighter green than ever before.

The only disturbing thing was that Hitomi looked actually happy. "What is it with you, Hitomi? You look like you're actually looking forward to the whole event? Changed your mind?"

She immediately covered her smile with a yawn, turning slightly in her seat. "Nah, I'm just practicing to pretend being the well-bred, ever smiling and happy wife."

"Wow, you almost convinced me. It scares me but you're getting better at it every day." The redhead offered her friend a sympathetic smile before her eyes narrowed to ominous slits. "Though I still can't believe he came to tell you to behave! I swear, if I had been there, I would have given him a good piece of my mind and afterwards he would have been able to sing higher tunes than you, Hitomi."

Amano's roaring laughter filled the car and he reached for Yukari's hands when she gave him a seething glare. "Good you weren't there or I would have another charge to deal with now for I doubt Mr. Schezar would have been happy about you gelding him, love."

"It's okay, 'Kari, but thank you." Hitomi twirled the paper dragonfly between her fingers.

"Yeah, well...no, don't turn right here!" the redhead suddenly exclaimed and leaned forward between Hitomi and Gaddes who was driving, vigorously pointing with her finger ahead. "Zaibach Avenue is plain suicide at that time of the day. We'll take another way."

"Whatever you want, Miss Uchida." Gaddes adjusted his sunglasses, cast a glance at the side mirror and summoning a concert of hooting, he changed the lane.

Yukari leaned back in her seat when they had filtered into the stream of traffic again and nodded in satisfaction. "Take 2nd North, that should do."

"But that's a detour, Miss Uchida."

"I know, but it won't be jammed." She cast a glance at Hitomi who was looking at her curiously. "We don't want you to be late, right?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes and Yukari reached for Amano's arm to check his watch. "It's five fifteen already but it doesn't matter. It's all arranged: you'll get the dress, let them give you the thumbs up and that's that. Allen will pick you up at the hotel at six thirty and we'll meet inside the hall again."

Green eyes widened. "What? But I told you I didn't --"

"I know, I know." Yukari raised her hands in surrender. "But it would have been too suspicious if you hadn't arrived together, Hitomi."

"We could have met one block away and I could have entered his car there!"

"Too risky." Yukari couldn't help but smile at the look on Hitomi's face; like a pouting little girl.

"You know what you're doing to me, don't you? I bet his little pet will be in the car too and they'll be making out beside me all the way and I'll be scarred forever and I'll need a therapy afterwards and I'm going to search the most expensive psychologist there is and you're going to pay him coz I'm going to sue you for –-"

The redhead snorted a laugh. "Get a grip, drama queen, it won't be that bad. And now, we'll hop off coz we're there. Remember we'll meet in the hall, right after you finished running the gauntlet."

"I'll be marred," Hitomi grumbled when Yukari opened the door and stepped out on the sidewalk together with Amano, boutiques hemming the street with clothes in their shop windows whose price tags had at least four digits before the point.

"You'll have something to talk about," Yukari retorted smugly. "Remember to get the dress, to look beautiful and not to tear Allen to pieces when you see him! Promise me!"

Hitomi held up her hand and made a serious face. "By the grave of my Barbie doll, I promise not to tear him to pieces."

"Good girl! Have fun!" And with that, the redhead slammed the door shut and reached for Amano's hand.

Radiant green eyes followed the couple until they mingled with the other people on the sidewalk and was no more than another spot in the crowd.

She had not promised to get the dress.

"Change of plans, Gaddes." He raised a dark brow at her words and ran a hand over the stubble on his chin.

Rummaging through her handbag, she fished for the woolen cap her brother had sent her for Christmas and put it on, hiding her far too striking hairdo. Moleman would get a heart-attack or two if he ever got to know about it. Almost two hours of slaving for turning the worst case of hair abuse into a magnificent and inspiring explosion of natural honey- and wheat-coloured streaks as he called it, in world record time as he called it and she put on a cap. Blasphemy, he would call it.

"We're heading for the east end of Vargas' Bridge." Hitomi reached into her purse again and began to take off her make up.

"Why do I think that this isn't a spontaneous idea?" he retorted dryly and got into reverse. "I cannot do this, Ms Kanzaki, and you know that."

"I need a bloody bathroom," she mumbled while still working on her mascara, the mirror in the sunshield not exactly helping. "Yes, you can."

Gaddes sighed and watched her out of the corners of his eyes. "I'm paid to bring you to your stylist to get your dress and then to bring you to your hotel to give you to your husband."

"If that's your only problem, I'll pay you more to bring me to Vargas' Bridge." She raised a hand when she saw him roll his eyes and open his mouth to complain. "Listen, Gaddes. I'm sorry about this but either you bring me there or I'll get off and get myself a taxi. You don't want me to make a scene, do you?"

Her bodyguard gripped the steering wheel in frustration, staring out on the street with hard eyes, before switching on the indicator. "Fine."

Hitomi nodded her head lightly before letting it drop onto the backrest, closing her eyes.

Somehow it was all twisting out of control. She could feel it. Half a year ago she wouldn't have even thought of not attending a public ostentation of her undying love for Allen so to keep up the masquerade. How fast things could change.

Of course, she had thought about Van Fanel. For these last two hours, she hadn't thought about anything else but him and his strange offer. But she hadn't thought about how to decide, if she should meet him or not, no. She had made her decision right the moment Allen had told her to "quit her holier-than-thou-attitude and fucking look like she worshipped the ground he walked on". She just hoped Van's surprise would take some time.

She wondered what it was he wanted to show her. For all she knew he could do Gods knew what to her and though she was clinging to this excuse of escape from her life. Hitomi knew that in some ways she was using him.

But it would be just this one time.

"This is the closest I can get you to the bridge," Gaddes said and she jerked out of her thoughts. "The whole area starting from here is pedestrian precinct."

"Okay, thank you." Hitomi unbuckled her seatbelt and looked out of the window, an unceasing stream of people noisily passing by the car only to disperse in the dozens of narrow streets ahead. "How do I get to the bridge then?"

"I'll bring you."

"But --" She closed her mouth when he raised a hand at her.

"Listen, Miss Kanzaki. Either you let me accompany you or I'll drag you right back to where we should actually be right now." He was sweetly smiling at her while everything she did was glare. "You don't want me to make a scene, do you?"

"You're fired."

His eyes almost popped out of his skull. "What?!"

"You heard me. You're fired." Hitomi was looking him directly in the eye and her voice told him she was not joking. "Thank you for everything but I'll find my way alone."

"You cannot fire me," Gaddes told her with a shake of his head and a disbelieving snort. "Miss Uchida employed me."

She threw her hands up in frustration. "Then take a day off or something!"

"Why are you so eager to get rid off me?" If the circumstances had been different, she would have smiled at the sulking sound of his voice.

"Because I don't want to go to this stupid ball! I never wanted to!" The young woman had turned in her seat to face him, her eyes now watching the cars speeding past Gaddes' window. "And I know that when you accompany me you'll find a way to contact Yukari and tell her where we are so she can come get me. Don't worry, there's somebody waiting for me. He'll take care of me."

"He?!" Gaddes echoed and Hitomi's eyes darted to look over his shoulder again, counting the cars that were approaching, counting the cars that would make it impossible for him to get out of the car.

"I'm sorry."

She opened the door and stumbling out of the car, slammed it close behind her, muffling his yell. Hitomi took off and raced along the way that was winding down the bank of the river.

Across the water, the sun was setting behind the cliffs that hugged the city like a loving mother her child, casting everything in a dim light. She couldn't see much of the bridge for a building was blocking her view but even on the small section she saw, there were photoflashes twinkling like fireworks.

Two seagulls were sitting on the backrest of one of the benches that were hemming the way. They were complaining loudly, their cackling screams mixing with the conversations around her when Hitomi chased past them.

At a building right in front of her, a massive crowd was gathering. Joining the string of people that slowly threaded into the eye of the building, she dared to turn around. The sound of her heavy breathing filled her ears when she craned her neck to look past the people behind her, searching for Gaddes. She couldn't see him anywhere.

Willing herself to calm down, she let the avalanche of people carry her. Gaddes was forgotten by the moment she entered the passageway and was swallowed by an overwhelming amount of noises and scents.

People were talking everywhere around her, chatting, laughing, discussing vividly with their hands and haggling inside the shops she was walking past. She saw sweatshirts for tourists behind the shop windows, souvenirs, scarves in every colour possible, knick knack ranging from crystal animals to plates and small crests with _Fanelia_ written across them. Hitomi even found a stand that sold the same cap she was wearing; woolen, colourful, with a little ball on top and flaps to cover her ears that merged into strings to tie it.

She wanted to stay and look at everything that was sold, wanted to watch the people and listen to them but knew that she was already late. Drifting on the delicious scent of pizza and tzatziki, she was swept out of the wondrous little world that was so different and so loud, so full of life.

He had been right. Even for her it was impossible to miss the king.

Cast in the orange light of the dying sun, he stood proudly in the left corner of the small place that opened in front of her. His shoulders squared, he was resting his stony hands on his sword, looking down on the people that were buzzing past him with majestic grace and patience that had seen decades pass by like leaves being blown over the ground by the wind.

Hitomi spotted Van at the king's feet, sitting on the low railing that surrounded the pedestal of the statue. He had his elbows braced on his knees and a magazine in his hands, his head bent forward so that his tousled hair fell into his face, hiding his features.

A smile spreading across her features, she wriggled past a group of tourists who were taking pictures of everything around them and crossed the place. She tiptoed the last meters and situated herself in front of him so that her shadow fell on him.

"Didn't your mother tell you that you'll turn blind when reading in this light, Mr. Fanel?"

Van's head snapped up at her words, dark brows raised, and her heart skipped a beat. Pitch-black hair was tumbling into his view, partly covering his eyes that were squinted against the last sunlight of the day. Looking up at her, a lazy smile formed at the corners of his mouth and slowly spread across his lips like sunlight over fields of grain after a cloud had passed by, growing brighter and warmer with every second.

"Actually, you'll only get tired when reading in this light," he grinned and closed the magazine, his eyes dancing with sunlight. "You found me."

Hitomi couldn't help but grin back at him. "Yeah, I tried but I simply couldn't miss the king. What are you reading?"

A reflection rushed over the smooth cover when he turned it and _National Geographic_ was glowing a bright orange. Standing up, he stretched his tall body and smothered a yawn, his jacket that was sliding slightly upwards revealing his waistband – as well as his boxers. They were peeking over the rim of his loose jeans; blue and green striped. Hitomi bit down a grin.

Looking back up at him, she found him looking at her intently and she felt her cheeks heating up, knowing he had been watching her checking him out. "Any good?" she asked after clearing her throat, referring to what he had been reading.

"Yup." He reached back and tucked the small magazine in the back pocket of his pants, motioning for her to follow him. "The name's Van, by the way."

She joined his side and tapped the front of her cap. "Hitomi."

"Well, Hitomi, have you ever been to Vargas' Bridge?"

She followed his outstretched arm and took in the sight of the impressive Gothic tower that grew on this end of the bridge, a huge archway in its bottom creating the entrance to another world.

The bridge spanned across the width of the river, carried by massive pillars and hemmed by innumerable sandstone statues. They had blackened over the years due to rain and wind, the dying sunlight throwing a translucent, red veil over their stony faces.

Van had stopped beside Hitomi who was looking around with wide eyes, her lips parted in childish wonderment. He felt himself smiling at her expression.

Clouds of seagulls were floating on a cool breeze, their cries echoing out on the gurgling water. At the other side of the river, houses were snuggling against each other along the bank, crawling up a small hill until they were stopped by the cliffs whose dark silhouettes were contrasting with the bright evening sky. Above the heads of the statues, a majestic building complex was rising from the sea of houses, its blue roof sparkling.

"It's the King's Palace," Van informed her when he saw what she was gaping at.

Hitomi brushed some hair out of her forehead and turned to look at him, her brows knitted. "You've got a king?"

"Four hundred years ago, we've had one, yes." She watched his profile, his lips twitching faintly. When the sun disappeared behind the mountains shadows were settling slowly around them, curling like sleepy cats at the feet of the statues and on the dark stones of the bridge, waiting for the night to break. "Come on, there is more to see."

Hitomi hurried to catch up with him when his form was about to vanish within the throng of people that was rolling across the bridge at a slow but steady pace. There were lots of people. Lots and lots of people. It was almost like the stream that poured out of the concert hall after the doors had been opened again, only that here was no demolishing. More and more people were entering the bridge through the gates at both sides, their voices a continuous murmur in the cool air.

Her eyes widened when she saw exactly why people were crowding all along the bridge like sheep on a meadow, blocking the way; artists.

There were dozens of them, one small stand every five meters at both sides of the way, selling paintings and photographs, earrings and chains, and you could even have yourself caricatured within ten minutes. The artists were leaning against the parapet of the bridge, talking and watching the tourists slowly sauntering by, smoking or discussing with customers.

Her eyes were darting back and forth between the stands, trying to absorb everything. A series of black and white photos of the bridge wearing nothing but fog caught her attention when the man beside the photo wall raised his lamp and she turned to face Van. Her eyes were glowing.

"Just go take a look, we've got enough time." He nodded towards the man who had a cigarette hanging from the left corner of his mouth, showing a young woman some photos in an album.

Shoving her way past the people in her way, Hitomi led the way. They crossed the bridge in silence, going in zigzag lines from one side to the other so they wouldn't miss out a single stand.

Every now and then a flashlight lighted up, people taking pictures of the statues that were hemming the bridge. The sound of hundreds of shoes clicking over the plastered ground was hovering in the air, mingling with the murmur of hundreds of people talking.

She stopped to watch a young couple being caricatured, quiet chuckling coming from the crowd that was flocking around the artist. It was fascinating to watch what could grow out of charcoal and a few flicks of the wrist.

They had already crossed the river and the bridge was slowly merging into the houses that were gathering at the foot of the palace. Two towers were creating another archway, marking the end of the bridge. With their oriels and dark roves, they looked as if taken right out of a _Dracula_ novel, emanating a strangely fascinating attraction.

A tap on her shoulder made her turn and she faced Van who nodded lightly to his left. "We're heading this way."

Hitomi cast a look over her shoulder, trying to absorb everything there was, trying to imprint every impression in her mind.

Van led her down a staircase to a small place that dispersed into innumerable narrow side streets disappearing in darkness. She felt like a dog, following her master everywhere. Hitomi grinned at the thought.

"What's so funny?" He stood in front of a slim glass door, his silhouette etching itself darkly against the brightly illuminated room behind.

"You," she smiled and read the plate that was placed above the door. "A gallery?"

"Yeah, I just want to say hello to someone." He held the door open for her with a bow and she saw the grin hiding in the shadows that occupied his features when she walked past him. He smelled like he just stepped out of the shower.

It was warm inside, the scent of paint immediately filling her nostrils. Hitomi's mouth slightly opened at the paintings covering the walls, their warm colours soaking the room. She was just about to open her mouth when her gaze fell on the bouquet sitting comfortably on the forsaken counter; yellow tulips and orange carnations.

A wind chime dangling above the door sang softly when Van closed the door and a second later she felt his calm presence beside her. "Millerna, it's me, Van."

"I'm on my way!"

Hitomi turned at the melodic voice that echoed from somewhere in the back of the gallery, followed by the hurried clicking of heels on tiles. Seconds later, a vision stepped into her view.

She was tall and slender, one of the people graced with the gift of being able to wear jeans and a pink polo-neck as if it was a _Versace_ dress. A halo of curly blonde hair was bouncing around her shoulders and her rare lavender eyes immediately focused on Van, full lips parting into a dazzling smile.

"Hey, there." She was one of the most beautiful women Hitomi had ever seen - and she kissed Van directly on his cheek. "Dryden told me you were here when I arrived and I was marveling at the bouquet. I love it."

Van smiled warmly at her. Hitomi stared.

"I'm glad. And thanks again for keeping an eye on Merle. I know how busy you both are."

"Nah," she waved her perfect, slim hands dismissively. "You know he loves her, Van."

"I do." He glanced over her shoulder and then back at her, a questioning look in his eyes. "Is he with Merle now?"

The young woman tucked a shining blonde curl behind her ear, revealing a filigree earring that matched her eye colour. "Aye, but they should be back soon. They went to feed the ducks. You should see him. His eyes are glowing whenever she's around."

"Millerna, did you tell him yet?"

Her eyes flickered and she turned away from his intense gaze, resting a hand on her stomach. "No."

"Why not?" Van ran a hand through his tousled hair. "He'll die of joy when you tell him."

"I know." She smiled. A secretive, beautiful smile that seemed to tell so much more. "And that's exactly what I fear. Wanna feel?"

Millerna quickly reached out to grasp Van's tanned hand and pressed it against her belly. A slight blush immediately tinted his cheeks and he rolled his eyes. "Millerna, it's the second month. That little football superstar is hardly bigger than my thumb. I doubt he'll already be kicking. You don't even show yet!"

"Oh yes, I do!" She looked down at her belly and stroked it affectionately. "Look, when I turn like this and arch my back a bit you can see that...oh." She trailed off when she finally spotted Hitomi. Her eyes darted from the forlorn looking woman and back to Van, slowly widening in realization. "Oh!"

Van sighed at the incredulous look Millerna graced him with, something close to indignation flashing in her eyes; probably for not introducing her earlier. "Millerna, this is Hitomi Kanzaki." He didn't come to introduce Millerna for the blonde woman simply shoved him aside.

"I know her, stupid. Millerna Sarah Fassa, pleased to meet you." She dropped a light curtsey and grinned broadly. "So, you're the reason why he needed a baby-sitter for Merle so urgently. Now I understand."

Hitomi looked up at Van and bit down a chuckle when she saw him scowling. "We were just about to leave again."

"What? Without looking at my beautiful paintings?" She shoved intentionally violent past him and looked at Hitomi with big eyes. "Do you like art?"

She smiled hesitantly. "I love it."

A triumphant grin broke across Millerna's features and she gave Van an indignant look over her shoulder "See?"

Taking Hitomi by the arm, she dragged her across the gallery and showed her the paintings with a cloud of faint coconut scent surrounding her. Her eyes were twinkling when she pointed out her favourite ones and Hitomi was reminded of Yukari by the way Millerna seemed to radiate excitement and enthusiasm like a heater emitting warmth.

Hitomi watched the young woman beside her out of the corners of her eyes and wondered if the unique glow that surrounded her like an aura was the one every pregnant woman was said to radiate.

Leading her to a pile with paintings clad in film, Millerna left her with an apologizing smile.

Hitomi was leafing through a pile of paintings, mostly oil, awed at the composition of colours and forms when she found a sketch that showed rather familiar features. Smiling at the dark charcoal lines that were drawing a peaceful image of Van sleeping comfortably slumped in an armchair, Hitomi raised her gaze to question him about it. Nothing but a light gasp passed her lips.

Mighty wings were sprouting from his back, etching themselves against a dark burnt sienna background and rising in a majestic arch over his head. Their feathers were glowing a shining white, contrasting with Van's dark form. Hitomi stared, just stared at the angel standing by the wall, inspecting a painting with his head tilted to the side and his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" a soft whisper startled her and she glanced at Millerna who had a reflex camera focused on Van, a warm smile on her lips. "I absolutely love to draw him or take pictures, especially when he doesn't notice."

Hitomi turned to face him again, the impossible image still there.

Millerna's camera clicked when she pressed the shutter release and Van turned like a startled deer. Spotting the camera, he rolled his auburn eyes and was just about to complain when he found Hitomi staring at him. "What?"

She blinked.

"You're standing in the way, you dork." Millerna waved her hand impatiently at him, her eyes narrowed in mock annoyance and Hitomi let out the breath she had been holding.

Glancing over his shoulder, Van reached up to scratch the back of his head and murmured a casual _oh_. Swiftly stepping aside, he revealed a painting she hadn't seen before because she had stood with her back to it, the painting that had given him the wings.

It was an angel, his arms wrapped around his bent and bare upper torso, his head tilted towards the ground so his dark hair was hiding his features. The wings were breaking from his shoulder-blades in a shining white and the detail made them seem so real that for the tiniest of moments, she had thought they actually belonged to Van when he had covered the figure on the painting.

"It's my favourite and absolutely not for sale," the blonde woman beside her stated and joined Van's side to ruffle his hair which made him groan. "It's the best I've ever done, don't you think?"

Van grasped Millerna's hands so to avert another attack on his hair and Hitomi's eyes darted back and forth between him and the painted angel. "It's you."

Millerna seemed offended. "Course, it's him! He's my little obsession, after all."

"Tell that Dryden," he mumbled and gave her an accusing look. "I should have never agreed with it. Now, I'm never going to get rid of you."

"Oh, you poor baby."

As if it was calling out to her, Hitomi slowly walked over to the painting, passing by the bickering friends. She reached out a hand and her fingers gently brushed over the rough texture of the canvas. "The wings look so real."

"Yeah, they do." Still inspecting the painting, Hitomi didn't see the secretive smile Millerna directed at Van, didn't see that he averted his eyes, his cheeks flushed.

The wind chime announced the arrival of other customers and the excited voices of two women chatting invaded the peaceful silence. Millerna greeted them with a friendly smile and crossed her arms in front of her chest when looking back at Van and Hitomi. "Can I offer you some coffee?"

"No, thanks." The young man shook his head softly. "We have to leave, it's getting late."

"Alright." Millerna took a step towards him and wrapped her arms around him before he could take a step away from her, resting her head on his shoulder. For a brief moment he stiffened and looked uncomfortable, his arms awkwardly at his sides as if he didn't know what to do with them. "I just wished you would visit us more often, Van. You know you're always welcome," she whispered into his jacket, breathing in his scent.

Van sighed and visibly relaxed, circling his arms clumsily around her slim form. "Tell your husband about the baby and I promise to visit you more often."

"Deal." She pulled away with a broad grin on her features and cupped his face, planting a kiss on his forehead. "I expect you for supper tomorrow. Be punctual."

A defeated smile passed his lips and once again, Hitomi felt more than out of place. This moment was drenched with so many unspoken words and they seemed as if they belonged. She felt a pang in her chest and knew immediately what it was – jealousy. She was jealous of Millerna, of the baby, of the friendship she shared with Van; jealous of her happiness while she was still picking up the pieces of what her life had been.

Van broke the embrace and glanced at Hitomi. "Let's go."

She nodded mutely and walked after him to the door, stopping only when Millerna called out to her. "It was a pleasure to meet you...and maybe I see you again, some time."

Raising her gaze, Hitomi managed a small smile before leaving the cozy warmth of the gallery and stepping out into the cold February night. Van nodded at his friend and closed the door, the whisper of the wind chime following him on tiptoe.

* * *

"You're kidding me."

Hitomi looked at Van with a dry expression on her features, pointing at the pathway that gave the word _steep _a completely new meaning.

The young man shrugged casually, his smile hiding in the shadows that were cast across his face. "Nope."

Sighing exaggeratedly and ducking her head between her shoulders that her scarf reached up to her nose, she jogged to catch up with Van. The path they were walking was winding up a hill, tall streetlights throwing an orange glow onto the cleared, asphalted ground and against the bare forms of leaf-less trees. Darkness had tried to settle down but a remembrance of daylight was still resting on the snow, casting the world into a dim twilight.

They had left the noisy streets of Fanelia behind and had entered a park that was nestling against the mountains, running all the way up until it was stopped by the cliffs.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Van raised his gaze, spotting the brightly illuminated skeleton of a radio tower sitting atop the mountain range through the non-existent foliage. "Why do I have the impression that you'll do anyways?"

She grinned into her scarf. "Because you know me well."

"Nah, I doubt that, highly doubt that." Hitomi caught his gaze when he cast her a brief glance. "There is more to you than meets the eye."

"Look who is speaking," she countered. "But respect, Van. You really know how to evade a topic."

The corners of his mouth were twitching and she felt reassured, knowing that he didn't mind her nosiness. "Why did you stop playing at concerts?"

Like persistent warmth during a hot summer day, the question was hovering in the air. "And for your information, just because you don't reply doesn't mean I'll forget about it."

"What?" he questioned innocently when he found her glaring daggers at him out of the corners of his eyes. "I never said I would answer the question. Why do you want to know anyways?"

Their eyes locked again for a brief moment but she immediately turned away, her green gaze searching for something to focus on, something that wasn't him. "Because I...I..."

"You don't understand my decision," he finished when she trailed off, watching her profile.

"Yeah!" She looked up. "I mean, how could you simply stop? Music was your life and –-"

"Was it?" His eyes were hidden in shadows when he turned to face her and for some reason she was glad she couldn't see them. "Do you know me that well that you know music was my life?"

"I..."

"It wasn't, Hitomi. Never." A group of people was passing them by, chatting animatedly. "Don't get me wrong, I love playing on the violin...but only for myself or Merle or Millerna. I never wanted to stand on a stage and have hundreds of people listening to me."

"Then why did you?"

He looked at her, his features unreadable, before averting his eyes. "Because I made a mistake."

Hitomi could hardly restrain herself from rolling her eyes and pulling the cords of her cap until they tore. "And? You cannot put it like that and stop, leaving me dangling in the air."

"So, you're dangling, eh?" The corners of his lips were slightly turning upwards.

"Yeah, headlong with my foot in a loop!" Setting her arms akimbo, she went to walk in front of Van while facing him. "Well?"

He let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you ever forget anything?"

"No, I've got the memory of an elephant." She fell in step beside him again and held up a glove-clad index finger at him. "And I'm still waiting."

Silence crept between them again, setting them apart, but Hitomi knew it was up to him to break it. And, surprising them both, he did. "I never said no."

"You don't talk much, do you?" she sighed. "Can your answers be any shorter? Even men are said to talk at least two thousand words a day!"

"Sorry, I'm not used to it."

"Not used to what? Talking?"

"Being interrogated like I just robbed the local supermarket." She hid her grin and watched him ran a frustrated hand through his hair, as if struggling with himself.

"I didn't say no when my parents dragged me to that agency. I didn't say no when they told me about my first performance, didn't say no when my brother left us because they were arguing about my career continuously, didn't say no when they got the divorce. My father would tell me to attend the concert and I would do it. But why for heaven's sake am I telling you all that?"

"Because I am a very trustworthy person." She waved her hand nonchalantly but turned immediately serious again. "Did they force you?"

"No." His voice was strangely different, so much colder and lower as if it wasn't him he was talking about but someone he didn't know. "No, I just never said no. It needed Merle to change it all."

She frowned. "What happened?"

He smiled. It was a smile so full of memory, a smile like a little treasure hidden in his hands with only him knowing what it was. "I was nineteen when my mother died in childbirth and left me a handful of life with too big eyes."

The path led them in serpentines up the hill and only when she spared a moment to study his features, she noticed that she was quite out of breath. Loosening her scarf, she exhaled. "Why you?"

He shrugged. "I was the only relative they could find. The father was gone, my brother was gone..."

"And what about your father?"

"My father?" Van snorted and it sounded like a failed attempt on restraining a laugh. "Merle isn't his child. No law was forcing him to support her in any way and he sure wasn't going to do it voluntarily. Merle meant that I had to change my life and my father let me decide between him and her, between the stage and Merle. And I chose her."

The play of light and shadows on his face was hiding his emotions well. "You disappeared."

"Yes, I did and I have never spoken to my father again since that day when I told him I would take care of Merle."

Hitomi struggled with the next words. "Do you...well, do you..."

"Do I what?"

She looked him directly in the eyes. "Do you regret it?"

"No." He smiled a secretive little smile. "No, I couldn't be more grateful. No full opera house can compare with Merle."

Wriggling her cold nose, Hitomi tried to rub life into it. "So you're okay?"

"Yes." Van laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Yes, we are okay. We've got everything we could ask for: a nice little apartment, two jobs for me to pay the bills." He shrugged.

"Isn't the money you earned with your performances enough?"

"It's enough to scrape by." He exhaled and his breath gathered in a white cloud before dissolving into the night. "But the special school Merle is going to attend in autumn is quite expensive and..."

Her brows rose in curiosity when he suddenly trailed off with an embarrassed cough and she faced him to give him an incredulous look. "And what?"

"Nothing." He was looking at a spot somewhere ahead of them, his lips twitching faintly.

"What were you going to say?" Hitomi insisted and he turned around, a thoroughly disarming smile on his features.

"Something stupid."

Green eyes turned heavenward. "Oh, I'm sorry to tell you but even if you tried you couldn't say anything stupid!"

"Would you bet on it?" He was looking out on the way again, a light breeze ruffling his dark hair, making silky strands graze his cheeks. "I'm saving money for college."

"College?!" the young woman exclaimed in surprise and he pulled up his shoulders.

"Told you it was stupid."

"No, it's not." She shook her head vehemently, tilting her head to the side and watching him even closer. "It's anything but stupid. Why do you say so?"

"I'm twenty-six, Hitomi," he countered matter-of-factly. "I'll be twenty-seven when I start college this autumn and that only when nothing goes wrong."

Pulling her hands out of the pockets of her coat, she spread her arms. "And? I know someone who started college with thirty-two! Where's the problem? What do you want to do?"

There it was again; this smile. "Biology. Molecular biology."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't seem like the type to me."

"I've always loved it at school. If there was any project around that involved growing fungus in your fridge, you could be sure I was around." He grinned. "This is what always meant more to me than music. One point at the top of my 'To do' list is finding a cure for cancer."

Hitomi turned away from him and instead came to face a couple that was sitting on one of the benches hemming the way, locked in an intimate embrace. Heat crawled upon her cheeks at once and her eyes darted to the ground.

What was her goal in life actually? Be married and live happily ever after?

She had never thought about it. She had never seen any need to. It never had been her priority to have a goal.

Her head snapped up when the trees around them were suddenly retreating, some kind of clearing opening in front of them. Benches arranged in a semi circle were glowing white in the night and Van went to sit down on one of them, a small smile on his lips.

Hitomi frowned when stopping beside him and dropped onto the bench as well, observing his profile with an amused grin. "What, already tired, old man?"

"No, we're there." He nodded his head at something. "Did you ever stop to watch life from the sideline?"

Poetry. That was what came to her mind when she followed Van's unreadable gaze and saw the sleepy city rub its eyes.

Beyond the shore of the park's darkness, a sea of twinkling lights was covering the plain until it broke silently against the mountains, filling the entire length of the valley as far as the eye could see. Looking up at the cloudless sky, it seemed the lights were reflected on a smooth black surface.

The river was cutting a black crevice through the orange glow, passing by the King's Palace that was towering to her left, illuminated by hundreds of floodlights. Cars were rushing along the streets and she could hear the noise of tires on wet asphalt in the clear air.

There was something peaceful about this picture.

"Why?" she whispered and tore her gaze away from the city to look at the mystery beside her.

Somewhere a siren began to wail and the noise echoed into the night sky, blue lights flashing between the houses. "Why what?"

"Why did you do that?" She was searching his eyes and he complied her wish.

"I thought I saw something in your eyes."

His voice was quiet and she suddenly felt cold. "What?"

"Sadness."

_Take away from me  
This monstrosity  
'Cause my futile thinking's  
Not gonna solve nothing tonight_

Silence had just settled, stretching lazily on the place between them, when he stirred it again. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this, you know. With you asking all that and me talking so much."

"What, were you going to question me?" She watched him with hooded eyes when he smiled at her.

"I had hoped you would spill it yourself. I'm not good at socializing."

Hitomi leaned against the backrest and exhaled deeply, letting her gaze sweep across the outline of the city. "You're doing very good. And don't worry, you didn't miss much. There's nothing to spill. What would you have liked to hear anyways?"

"What would you have liked to tell?" he countered and she could feel his eyes on her, the intensity of his gaze sending a shiver up her spine.

"What would I have liked to tell?" Glancing at her watch, she found the digital face showing that it was half past seven.

In half an hour, the ball was going to take place she was supposed to attend. Somewhere down there in this twinkling sea of lights. She wondered if Allen was already raving. She wondered if he had already called on Yukari because of her absence. She wondered if Yukari was angry.

"Maybe I would have liked to tell that I'm not satisfied with my life. Nothing seems to work out the way I wanted it to. I kind of lost my way. I feel like I'm drifting around without any destination at all. I don't know, maybe I would have liked to tell you something like this." She exhaled and watched the quiet, young man beside her. "And what now?"

"Well, this is what I wanted to show you." He shrugged. "Now, you're free to do whatever you want to do."

Hitomi hugged her coat tightly around herself and looked up at the stars twinkling down at her. "I'd like to stay here for a while."

* * *

"I have one last question."

A hesitant smile spread across Van's lips when he stopped at a red traffic light. His hands were frozen stiff in the pockets of his jacket, the cool and dry air pricking his skin when a wind sprung up. "Shoot."

Hitomi rubbed her red nose and looked at him with an incredulous expression on her face. "What's your favourite piece?"

"Hmm? Music, you mean?" His brows rose in surprise. "Bach's _Air on a G String_. Why?"

"Because I think it tells a lot about a person." She looked at him closely, head tilted curiously to the side. "Why this one?"

"Because it was the first one I heard and the first one I played on the violin." He watched the cars speed by on the four lane street, bright headlights piercing the night. "You could say it's the piece that started it all."

Hitomi found Gaddes's car parked across the street where she had told him to wait earlier on the phone. "Did you think about what would have been if you hadn't heard it?"

"Only once." Van turned his head slightly and gave her a small smile. "And when I noticed that Merle probably wouldn't be with me then, I never thought about it again."

"But your mom would be alive and your family would be intact."

"Life is not perfect, Hitomi. I learned that by falling flat on my face and swallowing a mouthful of dirt," he told her profile. "But when something goes wrong it's the possibility for something else to go right. You could say things happen for a reason."

She turned to face him, her eyes boring into his ones. "Do they?"

"If I hadn't heard that piece, if I hadn't started playing and split my family, if I then hadn't stopped playing for Merle, you maybe wouldn't have met me under these very circumstances and we probably wouldn't be here now." The honesty of his words surprised her and she squinted her eyes up at him.

"Why do you assume it's good that I met you or that I'm here with you now?"

"Isn't it?" he retorted smugly and the look in his rare auburn eyes was childishly challenging.

With a grin breaking across her lips, she tiptoed and placed a light kiss on his cold cheek. She felt him smiling. "Good night, Mr. Fanel, and thank you," she whispered when she pulled away and took a step backwards. The traffic light switched to green.

Loud laughter was echoing from further down the sidewalk. "Good night yourself, Ms Kanzaki, and you're welcome."

She began to cross the street and looked at him over her shoulder. "Have a save trip home and tell Merle I said hi."

His tall frame was etching itself darkly against the brightly illuminated sidewalk. "I will."

Hitomi turned when she opened the door of the familiar car waiting on the sidewalk and gave Van one last glance and a smile. Warmth swallowed her by entering the unsuspicious blue Ford, locking out the noises of the night when closing the door.

"You've caused quite some havoc," Gaddes greeted her calmly and she sighed.

"I know."

"Miss Uchida booked you a suite in another hotel." Hitomi nodded mutely, knowing that something like this had been bound to happen. "We would have needed an excavator to dig our way through the heaps of reporters to your original suite. They laid siege upon the entire hotel."

Her lips were twitching. "You aren't fired, are you?"

"Not yet."

"I'll talk to Yukari, don't worry." Shivering, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and watched the lights of the city pass by the window. She felt cold although the heating was going at full speed.

It was eleven twenty when she entered her new suite and froze upon finding the lights turned on and Yukari sitting on the couch.

Hitomi took a deep breath. "Before you start yelling my head off and skin me alive, please hear me out for one minute."

The silence following her words was deafening and the expression on Yukari's features emotionless; like she was waiting for an explanation that would hopefully convince her not to commit murder tonight.

"I'm sorry." Hitomi ran a hand quickly through her already ruffled hair. "But I'm only sorry for letting you down. I know I disappointed you and abused your trust. I left you alone without saying anything and you had to deal with the mess I left once more. I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for not going to that stupid ball."

Her eyes darkened. "It was an unwanted duty. I've never wanted to go there in the first place. I would have had to put on this fake smile, would have had to fake politeness and that I had so much fun. And worst of all I would have had to fake that I love my husband. All I'm doing is pretending to live a life that fell apart two years ago, Yukari, and I'm doing it because people want me to do it."

Seeing Yukari open her mouth, she raised a hand to stop her. "Either it's good for the money or good for the image. I'm hardly doing anything because I want to do it. But today, I did. And you know what? It's been a long time since I last enjoyed myself that much. I smiled because I wanted to smile and I laughed because I wanted to laugh. I could be myself, Yukari. I had almost forgotten what it is like. And whatever you say, I won't regret what I did today."

She was breathing quickly when she was finished, her cheeks flushed. And it was that she noticed the tiredness in her friend's eyes, her rumpled dress, the heap of pistachio peels on the table and the envelope she was toying with. "What's that?"

"My notice," she replied with a sigh and tore the envelope in the middle.

Hitomi's eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing like the one of a fish washed ashore. "Are you very mad at me?"

"There is no word to define how mad I am, Hitomi." The redhead rose from the couch and let the pieces of paper drop on the table, fixing her friend with serious eyes. "But I'm also a tiny little bit proud of you."

An uncertain smile tugged at the corners of Hitomi's lips and Yukari walked to the mini-bar, fishing a bowl with ice cream out of the fridge. She was grinning. "How about you tell me about your evening and I tell you about mine?"

_Ask me for what am I living  
Or what gives me strength  
That I'm willing to die for_

* * *


	4. Stop the world

**Four. Stop the world**

He sighed.

Sometimes, Van Fanel wished he had six hands. And eyes in the back of his head. And no ears.

He feared the hurricane of chaos around him would collapse right in top of him within the next seconds. Merle was refusing to take her medicine, the floor scattered with his fruitless attempts on administering her the liquid, her screams of protest bouncing off the walls. His supper was boiling over on the stove, some stupid advertisement on TV was annoying the hell out of him and the telephone was ringing like it was never going to stop again.

Suddenly, silence seemed like the most valuable good on the planet.

Frustrated, he ran his hands over his face and rose from the ground, leaving Merle to beat the couch with her small fists. Trying to zone out the whirlwind of noises that was violently stirring the air around him, he answered the phone.

"Hello?" he grunted into the receiver, auburn eyes narrowed at the TV.

"Hey, you sound ready to wipe out an entire species."

Van reached for the remote control and switched off the TV, his ears welcoming the decrease in volume in the room. "Something like this, yeah. What's the matter, Dryden?"

The man at the other end of the line chuckled and scratched his chin, his eyes twinkling. "My wife forced me to do the usual check-up – and to ask if you've got some tomatoes. Coz if not I'll have to go get some." He snorted. "Not that the meal would be fine without tomatoes, no. They are essential, Van. Did you know that? I swear to you if I didn't know Millerna was pregnant, I would worry about her sanity."

Van smiled lightly, knowing that his friend was inwardly bursting with joy now that he knew he was going o be a daddy. He exhaled deeply. "We're not coming over for dinner."

"How come?" Dryden stopped scowling at the kitchen where his wife was noisily working and frowned.

"Merle's sick again." Van turned off the stove and pulled the pot off of the hot plate, burning his hand in the process. He swore colourfully under his breath. "I wanted to call you earlier but we just got back."

Dryden sighed and ran a hand through his curly, brown hair. "I understand. At least, I don't have to get the stupid tomatoes anymore."

"I'm sorry." Settling the receiver between his shoulder and his ear, Van opened a faucet and held his stinging hand under the cold water. "Tell Millerna I'm sorry."

"I will, don't worry." There was a faint shattering sound on the other end of the line right before he heard Van sigh. "You alright?"

The young man looked around his messy apartment, his clothes strewn across the couch, documents scattered on the ground, Merle rocking softly back and forth on her position on the floor, her crayons and the shards of the medicine bottle surrounding her. "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Good. Give us a ring or come by the gallery when you feel like it. Millerna will insist on your promise to visit more often."

Van ruffled his hair with his slightly burned hand. "I know."

"Good." Dryden said again and nodded, more to himself. "Give Merle a nudge on the shoulder from her old buddy and get some sleep, man."

Van gave a dry laugh. "Thanks for the advice."

"You're welcome." Grinning, the curly-haired man adjusted his glasses before swatting Millerna's prying hands away who had just reached out to snatch the phone away from him from behind. "See you soon."

"Yeah, see you."

The connection was cut and Van placed the receiver on the counter beside the stove, making his way over to Merle. The little cat-girl protested quietly when he lifted her off of the ground and placed her in his lap.

"What am I going to do with you?" He tucked a strand of pink hair behind her ear and felt his frustration dissolve when a tiny hand reached out to fist in his shirt.

"I don't wanna drink it. It tastes bad," she mumbled.

There were days when everything was alright, days when Merle felt good, days when he could pretend his life was normal. And there were days when everything went just wrong. Days like this one, when he dove headfirst into a fight with the principle of the school he worked at, when he got a refusal from one of the universities he had applied to for the summer term, when going through the city with Merle turned into a gauntlet, when he couldn't even cook an instant soup.

Days when he wondered if his decision had been right. Days when he wondered if what he did was enough.

But it didn't need so much as for Merle to smile at him, to comment on his cooking skills or to just clutch his shirt – a small thank you in her own simple and uncomplicated way - and he knew that she was fine.

He was startled out of his thoughts when the doorbell rang, the tuneless buzzing sound shattering the peaceful silence that had surrounded them. Frowning, the young man placed Merle on the ground again and headed for the door. He tangled his foot in one of his shirts that lay forgotten on the ground like the rest of his laundry, artfully scattered by Merle earlier.

His eyes widened in genuine surprise at the unexpected guest waiting at his door.

"Hey." Slim fingers reached up to brush wheat-coloured strands out of bright green eyes, rosy lips parted into an unsure smile. Hesitation accompanied her movements.

"Hitomi, what in the world are you doing here?" He ran a hand through his tousled hair and looked down at her, his gaze resting on the bags she had tucked under her arms. "Did I forget another cheque?"

She bit down a grin at the obvious confusion on his features and shook her head. "No, may I come in?" Her words were laced with uncertainty and she nervously stepped from one foot on the other.

"I..." he trailed off and cast a glance over his shoulder before sighing in defeat. "Of course."

Hitomi smiled when he stepped aside and opened the door completely, ushering her in with a casual nod of his head. "Thank you."

An air of vanilla scent followed in her wake when she walked past him and he watched her scan the mess that was his life. She stood in the middle of the room that was his living room, his kitchen and his bedroom. Beside the counter that separated the stove, sink and cupboard from the rest of the room, stood a small couch and a TV set, his bed and desk snuggled up against the wall across. There were some shelves with books and where they didn't hem the walls drawings with odd patterns covered the free space.

There were two doors at the opposite wall, one leading to the bathroom and the other one to Merle's bedroom. But apart from that, there was nothing else. It wasn't a lot but it was enough.

Bending down, Van picked up the shirt he had kicked away before he had opened the door and proceeded to collect the rest of his clothes. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anybody." Hitomi placed her bags quietly on the counter beside the sink and he let his shirts drop onto the couch, his eyes on her. "What are you doing here?"

She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes again and began to unpack, the bags rustling softly. "I wanted to thank you for yesterday. And because dining in a restaurant in the city would stir too much unwanted attention, I'll just cook you something for dinner."

It was like when she had come to see him the first time. She hadn't come because of the cheque and he had known it the moment she had told him about her reasons, her eyes refusing to completely look at him and her hands twisting the envelope. Just like now. She hadn't come because of the cooking but because of something he was sure she didn't know herself.

"I already cooked something."

Hitomi raised a brow at him and turned her head slightly to look into the pot he had pulled off of the stove. "Ah, you mean this puddle of something that looks like it was supposed to become a soup."

He reached for a plate and a glass that stood on the couch table and gave her a dry look at which she shrugged. The dishes clinked softly when he placed them in the sink and their eyes met briefly over the counter.

"You can cook?"

Crumpling the now empty bag, she shrugged. "I watched people doing it." She grinned into the silence that followed her words and looked up at Van who had stopped beside her, dark brows raised. "Chill, I might not look like it but I dare say I'm an excellent cook."

He stood there with his hands calmly at his sides and just watched her, his dark eyes flickering with curiosity. Hitomi looked like a deer caught in headlights, her posture stiff and her mouth slightly agape. The moment stretched, only the faint noise of Merle's crayons running over paper audible when she suddenly blinked her green eyes and turned away from him, a blush rising to her cheeks.

Frowning, Van turned to join Merle on the floor and sighed at seeing what she had used to draw on in default of a sheet of paper. He cocked his head to the side and smiled, his eyes softening.

"Merle, you're drawing on the phone bill."

"It's nice paper." The cat-girl didn't even look at him and he shook his head.

Van began to pick up the shards of the bottle with medicine she had smashed earlier, the liquid soaking the carpet. "We've got a visitor, Merle. It's Hitomi. You stole her pendant, remember?" Merle's ears twitched when Hitomi clinked with pots in the kitchen and Van looked up to find half of the drawers and cupboards open.

"What's that?" Hitomi pointed with a knife at his hand and placed a pot on the stove.

Van dumped the shards in the bin and scratched the back of his head. "Her medication."

"She doesn't like it?"

"Yeah." She watched him lift Merle off the ground and carry her to the counter where he placed her on a barstool. He earned mild protests that slowly faded when the little girl noticed the sheet of paper in front of her. "It's disturbing her routine. She's used to this very strict daily routine which doesn't include going to the doctor or taking medicine. And everything that only slightly differs from what she's used to scares her."

He sat down on a barstool beside Merle and his shoulders immediately slumped, his hair tumbling into his face.

"You look tired." Hitomi chopped a red pepper and put the slices on the heap of leek she had already cut, watching him out of the corners of her eyes.

The young man chuckled and leaned onto the counter, his long fingers reaching out to grab a glass. "When Merle can't sleep because of her fever she makes sure nobody else gets any sleep either."

A smile twitched at the corners of her lips and she turned back to the meal she was preparing. It had been quite a while since she had cooked something herself. She always stayed at hotels and therefore was hardly in the situation to cook herself. It must have been before Christmas when she had last been in the house she shared with Allen, the house they were arguing about, the house she was avoiding so not to be reminded of better times.

Her hand that was holding the knife stopped midair when she felt eyes on her. It was like the sun was burning her, heat crawling over her skin.

"What?" she asked when she found him staring at her like he had done only minutes ago, his unreadable eyes watching her with an intensity that had her nervous. "Why are you looking at me like this?"

He answered without taking that scrutinizing gaze away from her, "I'm trying to figure out why you're here."

Hitomi sighed and turned back to the vegetables in front of her. "I told you."

"Don't you have anything else to do?" Twisting the glass in his hand, he caused reflections to dance across his features, the light of the lamp split into a rainbow. "I mean I know you've still got some performances here in the city."

She shrugged and put the chopped vegetables in a pan. "Rehearsals are already over for today and I kind of sneaked away when Yukari said she had something to talk about."

There was a brief silence, the sizzling of the butter in the pan drowning the soft noise of Merle's crayons. "Is your bodyguard here?"

"He's waiting outside in a car."

"What?!" Van exclaimed, the disbelief and amusement that were lacing his words showing in a small smile. "Doesn't _he_ have anything better to do?"

Hitomi ran over her forehead with the back of her hand and graced him with a frown. "I'm his job." Now, that sounded oddly familiar.

Shaking his head slightly, he watched Merle align a green crayon neatly with the other ones before reaching for a red one. "Is it really that bad with the press that you need one?"

"Right now, it's actually okay." She sliced mushrooms into the pan and turned the mixture carefully, shrugging a shoulder slightly. "But that's just because Allen's not with me. The reporters turn completely crazy when we're together somewhere but it's mainly because he's got this whole heir-to-the-Schezar-hotel-empire-throne glow around him to which the press is attracted like moths to the light."

Van knitted his brows, confusion flashing in his eyes. "So, you actually don't need a bodyguard?"

"Concerning the press, yes." Green eyes briefly looked at him before she continued. "But there was this incident with a stalker some half a year ago which wasn't nice at all, I have to admit, and which had Yukari freaking out completely. It resulted in her employing a bodyguard for me."

"Yukari Uchida?" He was rubbing his forehead when she turned to face him.

"Yeah, my manager." Delicate brows narrowed. "You know her, don't you? She said something about you coming to the concert because you owed her."

He gave a short but deep laugh. "I still can't believe she remembered it." He looked like a little boy with his lips curved in a lop-sided grin and one eye narrowed slightly. "In junior high, she saved me from being expelled and told me she would think of something I could do for her in reward. She never asked anything until the day of the concert."

"That sounds just like her." Hitomi watched the vegetables sizzle in the pan. "I didn't know you two went to the same school."

"I didn't know she was your manager."

An unexpected grin parted her lips. "That's because we had a deal. If I should ever become famous with my music, she would be my manager."

Soon, the scent of fried vegetables and soy sauce filled the air, a cloud of fine smoke hovering between the cupboards. Van had opened a window and a chilly breeze was crawling into the warmth of the apartment when Hitomi filled their plates. She had gotten rid of her pullover due to the heat the stove was radiating, a few strands sticking to her forehead and her cheeks flushed.

"Bon appetite." She smiled and dove with her chopsticks into the heap of noodles in front of her.

"It's really good," Van complimented after swallowing a mouthful of Hitomi's creation and met her eyes over the counter, her cheeks still slightly red.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Told you so."

Biting down a grin, the young man directed his attention back to his food and they continued to eat, a peaceful silence settling around them. The night was breathing behind the windows and every now and then there was the silky whisper of the curtain when the wind reached out to run his cold fingers along it.

"Do you miss it?" Quiet and laced with doubt, the words left her lips. Hitomi wasn't looking at him, her eyes trained on the red pepper caught between her chopsticks and he raised a dark brow. "Standing on the stage, I mean."

He looked down at Merle who was leaning so close over her plate that her hair was dangling in her food. Brushing a pink strand behind her ear, he smiled. "No."

Nodding, she pressed her lips together and he felt the urge to say more. "But that's just me. I told you I never wanted to be on the stage in the first place."

"I know." She raised her head and smiled but he saw that it wasn't genuine, her eyes unaffected and cold. "It's just that...it's just..." It's just that there wasn't anything else she did besides standing on the stage. It's just that there wasn't anything else she could actually do besides standing on the stage. She hadn't learned anything. She hadn't been at college. She could play the flute, she could look pretty and she could smile into the cameras. And that was all.

"Is that your friend from the gallery on the photo there?" Van blinked, surprised at the sudden change of topic and turned his attention to where she nodded with her head.

It was one of the photos Millerna had pinned to the wall beside the counter, showing himself fighting with the zipper on the jacket of a much shorter Merle and Millerna beside him grinning broadly into the camera. "Yeah, that's her."

"When was it taken?" He turned back around to study her profile and frowned, finding himself in a familiar situation. As soon as the topic changed to something referring to her she retreated back into her shell, closed the door and began to question him from inside. And yet there he was, answering with a patience he didn't know he possessed.

"Three years ago." When she turned away from the photo and found Van looking directly at her, she jumped slightly, averting her eyes immediately. It was as if she was afraid that he would read her thoughts, read her ugly and disgusting thoughts, read the jealousy she felt for the happiness the photo was radiating. She poked her food with a chopstick and he turned to look at the picture again. "It was when she met Dryden for the first time."

"What are you smiling about?" He hadn't noticed he was smiling and when he tried to suppress it his lips were still twitching.

"If I had told her that day that she would marry Dryden and have a baby, she would have ripped my head right off." Something about him, about the way his eyes were dancing in the shadows behind strands of jet-black hair made it impossible for her to look at him longer than a second without jealousy rising in her throat. She was disgusted at herself.

Swallowing, she wondered why she had come to see him at all. "How did you meet her?"

"That's something you better ask her." Hitomi raised her eyes and was surprised to not find him looking at her.

"Why?"

He slowly turned. "Because we met at a crucial point of her life." At seeing her raised brows, he added as if it would explain everything, "Her maiden name is Aston."

And it did explain everything. Hitomi choked on her food. "Aston as in Aston, the royal family of Asturia?"

Van nodded casually and scooped noodles skillfully into his mouth. Of course. Millerna Sarah Aston, second princess of Asturia. More than four years ago, it had been on the news all around the world, her name in every mouth and her face on every newspaper. She had refused the throne and with it the duties she had been expected to take up. The consequences had followed immediately and mercilessly; she had been disinherited.

And somewhere on her way away from Asturia she had stumbled over this extraordinary man. "The two of you seem really close."

There was a brief silence when Van drowned his water and she watched him closely. "Millerna helped me a lot. She was looking after Merle when I was at work and took care of the apartment when I wasn't able to. And she was...she was there."

He stroked the little girl's head affectionately, pink hair sparkling. A dog was barking outside. "Was it hard? Bringing up a child...was it hard?"

Why was she asking all these questions? And why was he answering?

"Sometimes it was okay and sometimes I wanted to tear my hair out." Van straightened on the barstool and ran a hand through his tousled hair, giving her a dry look. "Just try to change a diaper when you're somewhere in the city and all the places to do so are situated in ladies' rooms. It's sexual discrimination."

Hitomi snorted a laugh when Merle suddenly pushed her plate away and reached out to eat from Van's one. A wide smile spread across his features and his eyes crinkled at the corners when he looked up at the young woman across the counter.

She could feel her heart beat strongly in her chest, increasing rapidly under his smile.

_Could it be this  
Could this be bliss  
Could it be all that I ever had missed _

Blinking, Hitomi brushed a strand of honey-coloured hair out of her eyes and shifted her gaze to Merle, her furiously beating heart slightly calming down. "She doesn't talk much. Must be something that runs in the family."

Van turned away but she saw the corners of his lips twitching. "She doesn't speak because she doesn't see any need to. Just ask her something."

Hitomi cocked a brow at him at which he shrugged and faced Merle. "Hey, Merle, do you like the food?"

Merle's fork scratched over the ceramic plate but her lips remained close, eyes darting over the wall. Van tweaked her ear and she shook her head, uttering a sound of disapproval. "Merle, she asked you a question. Don't you want to answer?"

His voice was soft and low and Merle's ears twitched. The scratching stopped. "Yeah." It was a quiet whisper and pink hair swayed gently when she nodded her head. "I like it. It's better than Van's food."

Hitomi threw her head back and laughed loudly. Putting her chopsticks down, she glanced at Van whose eyes were narrowed and leaned on the counter. "I like her."

"You're telling me she's a better cook than I am?" He gave Merle an incredulous look and her fork clinked onto his plate when she let go of it to swat his hands away. There was a gurgle coming from her lips that sounded like suppressed laughter and he continued to rub her twitching cat-ears with a grin.

Faint music was penetrating the walls of the apartment, probably coming from the flat above and Hitomi took Merle's empty plate and placed it on her one. The cat-girl's weak protests mingled with Van's deep chuckles and Hitomi reached for a notepad, quickly folding it into a dragonfly.

Merle stilled in her attempts to stop Van from rubbing her ears and turned to face the young woman, her eyes darting to the paper dragonfly that was dancing between Hitomi's fingers. When she slowly placed it on the wooden counter, the cat-girl reached out a hesitant hand to inspect it and Hitomi caught Van's sparkling auburn eyes over her head. He was smiling.

She smiled back at him. It felt oddly normal.

* * *

There was a fly at the wall. A big fat fly. It had probably stayed the winter in this room, hiding within the curtains and eating everything the room service brought, ranging from sinfully delicious ice cream to her beloved grapes. Ugh. She didn't want to think about a big fat fly eating from her grapes and walking with its spidery legs over them.

Shuddering, she watched the fly crawl over the clock at the wall, the seconds ticking away beneath its fragile feet but she couldn't hear any noise. Maybe if she tried to imagine hard enough, she could hear it. Tick tack. Tick tack. Tick --

"Hitomi, are you even listening to me?"

Blinking rapidly, she turned away from the clock and met familiar brown eyes. Familiar brown eyes that were flashing with annoyance. "I'm sorry, Amano," she mumbled and looked at her fingers that were twisting a paper dragonfly she had made out of toffee wrapping. Smiling she placed it beside another one on the table.

The young man on the couch across the glass table sighed and ran a hand through his chestnut-coloured hair, staring down at the documents scattered in front of him. "It doesn't help anything when I'm doing this alone, Hitomi. You know what this is all about, don't you?"

Her lawyer looked thoroughly frustrated, his shoulders slumped and his hands fisted in his hair. "Yeah, the house."

"Exactly, the house. But if you don't want it, it's okay with me." Amano leaned back, sinking deeper into the black leather, and spread his arms with a shrug. "We'll tell Allen he can have it and voilà, one problem less to deal with."

Hitomi hesitated. She looked at Amano, then out of the window, hugging herself tightly. "No, I want it. The house, I want it. It's...very dear to me." Somehow, she had trouble getting the words out. They tasted odd, wrong, as if she was trying to convince herself.

The young man sighed. "I know that."

"Gods, Amano, I'm so sorry! But see, I've been attending rehearsals from nine till three this afternoon, bearing that stupid old man who needs to stress with every sentence and every look that I'm nothing special, just some spoiled brat with too much money." She angrily waved her arms about before pointing at the clock that almost struck six. "And we've been going through Allen's and my finances for almost two hours now and I'm just drained. I can't see all those charts anymore and I swear, one more '1300 bucks for golf clubs' and I'm going to tear down this hotel."

A tiny grin spread across Amano's handsome features, his hazel eyes still trained on her, waiting for a decision. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his tie forgotten beside him on the couch.

Hitomi looked out of the window of her hotel room where the sky was drenched in purple, the fingers of the night idly stretching across the firmament. "Can we just postpone this? Please." Amano groaned when she fixed her begging eyes on him. "Tomorrow, I'll be more attentive, I promise. I just need to cool down."

He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Hitomi, I came all the way here to sort this out with you and you're telling me—"

"I know, I know," she interfered, raising her hands, appeasing. "It's not fair. But Amano, these are...these are the bloody ruins of my life and I...I just..."

"I know." His voice was no more than a whisper in the silence after she had trailed off.

"Please."

"Oh, alright!" He threw his hands up in surrender. "What other choice do I have anyway?!"

Hitomi grinned broadly. "You learn really fast."

"Remember who is my girlfriend." His lips were twitching with a well-known smile and she shook her head softly, honey-coloured strands swaying.

"Point taken." Leaning towards him, she rested her elbows on her knees, her eyes sparkling. "Which reminds me that you didn't come all the way only for me, did you?"

His smile widened into a grin that reached from one ear to the other, threatening to split his skull.

"It's okay, I completely understand that. I have to accept that I'm not the center of the universe. Now go."

Amano chuckled and began to collect the documents he had strewn across the place within these last two hours. The papers rustled when he put them back into various folders, his long fingers running through his hair. Creases were visible on his white shirt when he stood, the jacket that belonged to the expensive suit he was wearing slung over the armrest of the couch.

"Thank you." Leaning against the opened door, Hitomi smiled at the young man who was just about to put on his shoes. Faint voices drifted along the corridor.

"No problem." Amano leaned in and placed an innocent kiss on her forehead, his eyes sparkling. "It's going to be alright."

The wood of the door was cooling her skin when she rested her forehead against it. "I know." She closed the door quietly after her lawyer had left the apartment with a last smile, a faint remainder of his fragrance still in the air.

Half an hour later, she stepped through the hotel entrance out into the February cold, Gaddes's tall form appearing at her side a second later. Snow was piling at both sides of the entrance, gray with the dirt of the sidewalk and a few lonely snowflakes were still falling when they crossed the street.

She hopped into the familiar Ford, a hidden smile tugging at the corners of her lips and Gaddes slammed the door shut. She rubbed her hands, trying to chase away the cold that had followed her inside the car. The sun was treacherous, feigning warmth against a bright blue sky but the frozen puddles and people's breath visible in front of their mouths shattered the image. And it was even worse when the sun dove behind the innumerable multi-story buildings, hiding from the night. It was biting cold.

A chilling breeze crawled over her cheeks when Gaddes entered the car. "Mr. Fanel's apartment, I assume."

It wasn't a surprise that he knew where she wanted to go for it was already the sixth time this week that she hopped into the car in the late afternoon but something about his voice made her frown. He sounded like her father when he didn't agree with something she did but knew he couldn't do anything about it.

"Yes." She turned to face his profile, the sharp contours of his face outlined against the dimly illuminated city when he buckled his seatbelt. A jolt went through the car when he turned the ignition. "What's wrong, Gaddes?"

"Nothing, Ms Kanzaki."

She rolled her green eyes with a snort and the Ford joined the traffic on the street. "Don't give me that crap. I've known you for quite a while now."

A smile was about to surface, the corners of his mouth twitching faintly but he fought it down, the grim line around his lips returning. "It's just that I don't think this is such a good idea."

"What?" Hitomi stared at him in confusion, drawing her brows together when he turned to face her at a red traffic light.

The engine of the car was humming quietly, the heating blowing warm air into her face. "You don't know him. He could hurt you."

"Van? Hurt me?" She gave a laugh and held her stiff fingers against the slits of the heating. "I doubt he would even hurt a fly and if he dares, I know where to hit that it hurts and I still have you waiting –"

"I didn't mean it that way," Gaddes interrupted her softly and glanced at her before shifting to first gear and starting the car. "I didn't mean physical harm."

"What?" Her brows knitted in confusion before the words finally sunk in and realization dawned. "No! No, it's nothing like that! Gods, what do you think we're doing all the time?"

He raised a brow and her eyes widened, a blush immediately tinting her cheeks. "No, don't say it! It's nothing like that! We're just...we're just talking."

"And you can't talk to Ms Uchida?"

She glanced at her hands, the city flying past her window. "This is different. It's hard to explain."

"You don't have to." Gaddes scratched the back of his head before drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "Just promise me to be careful."

"Okay." She looked at him a moment longer and finally turned away, resting her head against the cold glass of the window. Streetlamps rushed by, illuminating the interior of the car and her face in regular intervals, creating a steady flicker.

Van. Somehow she couldn't exactly define what he was to her. In some ways, he was like a friend with whom she could talk and in whose presence she felt comfortable. It could be like this. Friendship. As easy and innocent as that. If she just weren't using him.

She had promised herself to do it only once, to use him only that one time to escape her life for a few hours. And yet, there she was, seeking solace in the little sanctuary he provided without asking anything in reward. The door was just always open.

Upon arriving at the apartment building, Gaddes let her go with one last, meaningful look and she sighed. His words followed her up the stairs to Van's apartment but she chased them into the farthest corner of her mind, forcing herself to forget about them and to focus on what was lying ahead. She was looking forward to this evening. Again.

Faint music was drifting out into the corridor when she reached the floor where Van's apartment was situated and hesitated by finding the door open. Frowning, she took a tentative step into the apartment, rapping her knuckles slightly at the door.

The windows were wide open, the clean scent of lemons hovering in the air. The vacuum cleaner stood beside the couch that was occupied by a pile of clothes, the light on Van's nightstand and in the kitchen turned on. There was a quiet rustling coming from behind the counter.

"Hello?"

Hitomi's eyes widened slightly when a head appeared, sparkling blonde curls tamed in a low ponytail and lavender eyes flashing surprise.

"Hello yourself." Millerna dumped the litter bin on the ground and stepped around the counter, a mixture of confusion and curiosity rushing across her features. The corners of her eyes crinkled. "I didn't expect us to meet so soon again."

Hitomi stood awkwardly in the doorframe and looked around, the silence even drowning the music coming from the radio. "What are you doing here? And where are Van and Merle?"

The blonde woman gave a laugh and brushed a blonde curl out of her eyes, her lips curling upwards at the corners. "I'm cleaning the apartment like I usually do on Saturdays and Van and Merle are at the graveyard like every week. The only thing that's not as usual is you. What are you doing here, if you don't mind my asking."

"I wanted to talk with Van." He hadn't told her he would be on the graveyard today. But why should he? She hadn't exactly told him she would come by today either. She had never announced her visits throughout this entire week and yet she had showed up at his door every day. "Do you mind when I wait until he returns?"

A grin broke across Millerna's features. "No, of course not. Come in."

Slipping out of her shoes, Hitomi left her coat by the door and padded over the carpet to the kitchen. Despite her attempts to ignore the blonde woman's eyes on her, she could feel them burn holes into the side of her skull when she crossed the room and it made her nervous.

She returned the offered smile and reached out to get a glass from a cupboard but faltered when she found Millerna grinning broadly at her.

"You seem to know this kitchen quite well." Amusement was dancing in lilac-coloured eyes. "This is just a shot in the blue but can it be that you're the reason why he didn't come over for dinner this entire week although Merle is already feeling better?"

Hitomi frowned and filled her glass with water. "What do you mean?"

"Have you been visiting him these last evenings?" Averting her eyes, Hitomi took longer than necessary to screw the water bottle and nodded ever so slowly. She was listening to the quiet music coming from the radio, the noise of cars passing by on the wet street outside creeping through the open windows, and she could hear the smile in Millerna's voice when she spoke, "Interesting."

She hadn't known he had postponed the dinner because of her. He had never mentioned anything and she had always expected he was free for the evening. Why hadn't he? And why was she blushing?

The glass clinked when she placed it on the counter and faced Millerna who was leaning against the fridge that was covered with Merle's drawings, the litter bin still at her feet. She couldn't help but stare at the young woman, Van's words repeating within her head. It was there. Behind Millerna's casual stance and the amusedly raised brows there was the pride and grace of someone who had had an entire kingdom lying at her feet.

"He told you who I am, right?"

Hitomi turned away and looked out of the window, where snowflakes were dancing past, glowing a pale orange in the light of the setting sun that had managed to break the layer of clouds at the horizon. Streetlights had already switched on. "Kind of." She tapped her fingers against the glass. "How did you meet him?"

Millerna didn't reply immediately and Hitomi found the playfulness gone from her features when she turned to face the blonde woman. "He found me when I was far from being of a sound mind and that damn chivalry of his told him to take care of me. But I wonder if he had still helped me, would he have known he wouldn't be able to get rid of me again." The corners of her violet eyes crinkled when a smile stretched slowly across her features, white teeth flashing.

"He helped you?"

"He saved my ass. Van's always had this soft spot for stray dogs." She grinned and absently traced the edge of the counter with her index finger. "He was the best thing that could happen to me though I doubt he thinks the same. I was quite difficult in the beginning." Hitomi raised her brows in questioning and Millerna tried unsuccessfully to fight down the grin that was about to widen. "I had this huge crush on him."

She couldn't help but frown when the former princess of Asturia suddenly burst out laughing. "I couldn't think straight in his presence, I was babbling absolute nonsense and made a fool of myself because of being so incredibly clumsy. It was annoying the hell out of me, _he_ was annoying the hell out of me."

"What did you do about it?" Taking a sip of water, she watched Millerna over the rim of her glass.

The blonde woman gave a casual shrug. "I slept with him."

Hitomi choked on her water. "What?!"

"Oh, come on!" Millerna laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Don't tell me this wasn't the first thing you thought of when you first met him! How does he look without clothes? What can he do with those beautiful fingers of his? Nothing to be ashamed of, perfectly normal."

Hitomi was more shocked by the fact that a stranger was telling her about her love life than the fact that she had slept with Van. And with a pang of envy, Hitomi noticed that Millerna didn't even blush whereas her own cheeks were on fire. "It didn't work?"

"Well, it did work in a way: I wasn't forced to kill him out of frustration." A warm smile stretched rosy lips. "But yes, I realized that I didn't feel the kind of love for him like I first thought. It is more like a brother-sister affection."

Beyond the window the night was sashaying through the snow along the streets outside, streetlamps winking at her.

"I love him like a brother," Millerna continued quietly when Hitomi didn't speak. "I'm looking after him."

Delicate brows knitted, the gas bubbles in the glass rising to the surface when she tapped her finger against it. "Van doesn't strike me as the type who needs to be looked after."

"He doesn't, does he?" Hitomi watched the other woman closely, her eyes unreadable. "Van seems capable to manage everything on his own but he isn't. He can play Brahms, he can explain the polymerase-chain-reaction and he can knock a guy unconscious but he can't cook a decent meal or even distinguish between glass detergent and all-purpose detergent. Although he would never admit it, he needs someone to protect him and to take care of him."

Millerna's orbs bore into her ones. "Why are you telling me all that?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Hitomi opened her mouth but closed it when she noticed that not a single word passed her lips, Millerna's eyes like arrows, pinning her to the spot, unable to escape. The glass slipped out of her hand, her palms sweaty and she turned away.

The faint noise of footsteps wafted through the still open door and both women turned to see Van enter the apartment, Merle's small hand securely tucked in his one. A frown succeeded in drawing his dark brows together upon spotting them in the kitchen. "Why is the door open? And what are you doing here, Millerna?"

The blonde woman raised a delicate brow at Hitomi, the smirk tugging at her lips asking why he hadn't addressed Hitomi at first. "I'm cleaning your apartment, you dork. And I was just about to empty the litter bin when Hitomi showed up."

His eyes flickered briefly to Hitomi before he leaned down to help Merle out of her jacket. "I told you I could do it on my own. But I'm surprised Dryden let you do."

Millerna rolled her lavender eyes. "Gods, if he had any say in this relationship, he would tie me to the bed and not let me do anything until the baby was born! I'm pregnant, not mortally injured!" There was a smile tugging at Van's lips and he straightened, the jacket slung over his arm and Merle trotting off towards her crayons. "I shouldn't have told him at all. This is all your fault!"

A look of complete innocence crossed Van's features when Millerna pointed an accusing finger at him, only the sparkle in his auburn eyes betraying him. "Is it? I cannot recall forcing you to anything when we sealed our little deal in the gallery." He directed his intense gaze at Hitomi and she could feel her heart do a summersault. "Did I, Hitomi?"

She watched him run a tanned, long-fingered hand through his dark hair and Millerna's words rang in her ears, feeding her imagination with pictures that flooded her cheeks with a scalding heat. Shaking her head, she caught the princess raise a brow at her. "No, but you both agreed by mutual consent."

"Hah, exactly!" The spoon Millerna had been toying with clinked when she dropped it onto the counter. "So I wonder why you don't come over for dinner. I kept my end of the bargain, didn't I?!"

A guilty smile curled at the corners of his lips, one that mirrored the one on Hitomi's features. "I guess, I have kept him from coming to dinner. I'm sorry."

The princess narrowed her eyes at her and tapped her fingers on the counter. "Well, if this is the only problem then you're invited as well! You'll both come for dinner!"

"Oh no, it's okay." Hitomi shook her head quickly, strands of honey-coloured hair flying. "I don't want to bother you."

"You won't." Tapping her fingers on the counter again, Millerna watched her and Hitomi cast an unsure glance at Van who just shrugged, yet she saw his mouth briefly twitch with a grin. She smiled.

"Thank you."

* * *

"No, wait." She felt Van's presence immediately beside her, the scent of fresh-washed clothes and Wick Vaporup surrounding him. "Let me clean it up a bit."

A smile stole on Hitomi's lips when he began to pick up the clothes Millerna had dumped on the couch earlier. The wind he caused brushed a handful of paper dragonflies off the table and they tumbled slowly to the floor, the colourful candy wrapping they were made of sparkling in the light.

The former princess had left before dinner, excusing herself with her starving husband who was able to burn even water. She had repeated the invitation, giving them both long, hard stares that clearly told them there was no getting out of it.

"Oh sorry, I'm leaving them everywhere." She stooped to collect her creations, blue and red twinkling from the floor. "I don't even notice when I --"

She trailed off when she brushed against Van's hand who had reached out to help her pick up the dragonflies, his skin warm and slightly rough under her fingertips. He snatched his hand immediately away at the contact as if it had been burnt, his eyes flickering briefly. "No, it's alright. Merle loves them."

He picked up the last remaining dragonflies and she stared at him. Several strands of raven hair fell across his eyes that were an even darker crimson than usual. Avoiding to look at her, he turned and the young woman raised her head, a reflection of surprise in her eyes.

A gust of wind caught the feather that had slipped out from between the clothes slung over Van's arm, a shimmer of white illuminating the night. It seemed even the world had stopped turning to watch the feather dance weightlessly through the air, like a whisper about to fall apart when carried too roughly.

Hitomi caught it just before it landed on the carpet, awed at the softness when it lay in her palm. Dropping onto the couch beside Van's violin that was leaning against the armrest, she ran her fingertips tenderly over the feather.

"What have you got there?" His voice drifted softly from the other side of the room, his feet padding quietly over the carpet. "You look like a little kid that got a precious gift for Christmas."

"It's a feather." Hitomi held her hand out to him when he sat down beside her, the couch dipping slightly under his weight. "Look, it's so white that it seems to glow all by itself. Where is it from?"

Raising her head at him when he didn't reply, she found him eyeing the feather with an unreadable expression on his face. He seemed to sense her stare and blinked, lifting his gaze. "A dove?"

She snorted and looked back down at the feather resting in her palm, looking so fragile like it would break when being touched. "Nah, it's too big, isn't it? Are there doves that big?"

"A swan?"

She was about to give him a dry look but stopped by finding a playful grin tugging at the corners of his lips when he leaned over her to reach for his violin. Pressing herself deeper into the cushion, she could feel her cheeks heat up and smell the warmth his body was radiating.

"What do you want to hear today?" he asked when he leaned against the backrest again, adjusting the violin under his chin and raising his brows at her.

"I don't know." Van had been playing the violin every evening, signaling Merle that it was time to go to bed. She had been surprised the first time and had been looking forward to it ever since. A strand of honey-coloured hair tickled her nose when she tilted her head at him. "You decide this time."

Auburn eyes unfocused for a moment and she smiled, knowing he always looked like that when thinking. "Alright. Merle, come here."

Her clothes rustled when she shifted so Merle could sit between them, her striped tail swishing lightly and her chest rising softly with her breaths. The faint glow of the lamp in the kitchen cast shadows across their features and Hitomi rested her head against the backrest to watch him.

A moment of hesitation stirred the silence before the bow finally kissed the strings, the movement that was like a gentle caress begetting a beautiful melody. Pinkish lips parted in a smile when the first tunes weaved themselves into the air and she remembered the piece he was playing; _Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D major _which was more popular under the name _Air on a G String_.

Merle was softly rocking back and forth on her spot on the couch, her head cocked to the side and her eyes focused on the ceiling as though she weren't listening. Hitomi watched the cat-girl intently and spotting her ears twitching lightly, she knew Merle was rewarding Van with something that was more satisfying than thousand people clapping applause, something that couldn't be bought with all the money in the world; her full attention.

Green irises darkened when her lashes lowered with her smile as she watched him, teasing her cheek with the feather. If the music born from the strings was visible, she would see it all around him, all around herself, all around the room. She wouldn't be able to see anything but this melody, blinded by its intensity.

It was quiet like children's tears on rosy cheeks, harmonic like raindrops splashing on the surface of a lake. It was absolutely perfect like waking up to a sleepy smile beside you. It was like a dream waiting to come true. It was a handful of smiles. It was a million promises. It was him.

Moving the bow softly over the strings, he opened his eyes and caught her stare, auburn orbs twinkling when a grin stretched across his features. Something inside her stirred. It was something she had almost forgotten, something precious.

She brushed the feather over her lips and closed her eyes.

_Could it be true  
Can life be new  
And can I be used  
Can I be used_

_

* * *

_


	5. Life for rent

**Five. Life for rent**

A whisper. A rustle. Still bare trees shivered in the cold of the late February night, their branches shaking softly when a wind sprang up. Hitomi pulled her coat tightly around herself and watched her shadow that was cast against the pavement by an almost full moon. The incomplete sphere hung low above the horizon, its eternally slow and patient walk across the skies silently accompanied by the winter constellations.

Behind eyes that were shadowed by long lashes, her thoughts were drifting to a place where even she couldn't grasp them anymore. Too many thoughts at the same time. Wanting to think of everything, not able to think of anything at all.

"They're not going to bite you, you know."

Her head snapped up at the familiar voice close beside her, the low drawl sending a shiver up her spine. Shadows were playing hide and seek on his face but from the turn of his head and the prickling feeling on her skin she could tell Van was looking at her.

They were standing on top of a small staircase that led to an apartment building snuggled between houses of the same type. Most of the windows were alight, blurred silhouettes moving behind the curtains and muffled voices drifting through window slits. Warmth. Shelter.

"Pardon?"

His teeth flashed in the darkness when he smiled and he placed a hand on Merle's head, soothing the cat-girl who was showing her disapproval by uttering quiet whining noises. "I said they were not going to bite you." And when he saw confusion spreading over Hitomi's moonlit features he added, "You don't look very comfortable."

"Ah, no, it's not because of the dinner." The young woman sighed and shrugged. "I'm actually looking forward to it. I was just thinking about stuff." She frowned and rubbed her right temple. "I think."

His fingers hovering over the doorbell, Van hesitated to ring it again. "Stuff as in what you're going to do tomorrow?"

"Stuff as in how will I be able to survive the divorce without ending up as a complete wreck." A tired smile parted her lips and Van narrowed his eyes, letting his arm drop that had been raised to the doorbell.

Curiosity lurking in shadows that were occupying his features, he opened his mouth to question her but right that moment, the lamp above their heads came to life and the door was pulled open. A warm light flooded the staircase and Hitomi squinted up at the figure filling the doorframe.

Dryden Fassa was tall, his head almost touching the top of the doorframe. His brown hair curled in a loose ponytail at the nape of his neck, intelligent eyes sparkling from behind the glasses that sat on a long, straight nose.

"Millerna was already worried you wouldn't come." He laughed good-naturedly, a deep, sounding laugh, and scratched the back of his head. "But then again, Millerna's always worried about everything."

The lamp above the door buzzed quietly. "Hey, Dryden."

A hesitant step in his direction was invitation enough for Dryden to engulf Van in a manly hug that included a clap on the back and his chuckle echoed down the empty street. Hitomi wasn't surprised to see Van all flustered again and watched when Dryden bent down a little to look at Merle who was clinging to Van's leg, her small hand fisted in the fabric of his pants.

"Was it alright? I mean to get her to come here?" He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Van who was slightly shorter. "After all, it isn't the day you usually come by to have dinner."

"No, it's okay," Van replied with a light shake of his head, Hitomi's eyes burning into the back of his head. Of course, he didn't tell his friend about the screaming that had bounced off the walls in the small apartment. He didn't tell him about the struggle he had had to get Merle to leave her drawings, to get her to dress and to get her out of the house, something which Hitomi could only watch helplessly.

Dryden nodded and shifting his gaze slightly, he caught Hitomi's eyes over Van's shoulder. Seeing his smile, she instantly knew he could make her sell her grandmother.

"Good evening, Miss Kanzaki." The light from the lamp above was caught in his glasses when he nodded his head lightly and stepped aside, revealing the corridor. "I'm Dryden, king of the castle."

There was a bark of laughter and she shifted her attention to Van who was ushering Merle inside, giving his friend a doubtful look over his shoulder. "You wish. Your princess has the pants on." Amusement was curling around the corners of his mouth. "Come on in, Hitomi."

She hid a grin and walked past Dryden who bowed and held out a hand. As soon as she entered, a warmth enveloped her that smelled of a dozen different lives, lives that were hidden behind the doors scattered along the hallway. It was clean and walls painted a friendly yellow led her up the wooden stairs, groaning sleepily when they climbed to the second floor.

The door to the apartment stood wide open, a cloud of deliciously smelling spices hovering above the threshold. Van helped his little sister out of her shoes and the second she stepped into the brightly illuminated living room, a squeal shook the walls of the house that had Van wincing.

An expression of dry resignation settled on his features and with the stoic calmness of a rock, he waited for the storm to break over him in form of a blonde beauty. He didn't even blink an eye when Millerna jumped on his back and flung her arms around his neck and her legs around his stomach, holding onto him tightly.

"You're here." The princess pressed a sloppy kiss onto his cheek and threw her mane over her shoulder, shining curls cascading all the way down to her waist. She looked like a happy little girl when resting on his back, the smile she cast Hitomi infectious. "And you brought her along."

Van shrugged. "'Course."

"If you weren't the one who hooked us up, Van, I'd punch the living lights out of you, right now." Dryden tried to hide his grin by pushing his glasses up his nose but noticing the twinkle in his eyes, his wife smiled coyly and began to run her hands agonizingly slow down Van's chest.

The young man let out a low growl and swatted her hands away. "Stop it already."

"Mmh," she purred and leaned closer, tightening her vice-like grip around his upper torso. Hitomi saw the muscles in his neck tense when he attempted to pry off her hands of him. "My husband has to work out hard to reach this level."

Millerna bit down a grin and raised a brow challengingly at Dryden but he just held his hands up in defeat. "Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not the type to work out like lover-boy here."

"You're working out?" Hitomi's lips were twitching and Van sighed, giving up on getting Millerna to let go of him.

"I'm not working out."

Millerna hugged him tightly. "No, but you're doing this martial arts sword swinging thing." She frowned by seeing the confused look on Hitomi's face. "His classes are on Wednesday and Thursday evening...I thought you knew."

They had watched _Finding Nemo_ on Wednesday evening. Never once had he mentioned he was attending martial arts classes. Never once had he mentioned his practice was on Wednesday evening. Had he skipped practice? Because of her?

Why?

An awkward silence had settled over them and Van averted his eyes, turning to carry Millerna piggy-back down the small corridor. "Dinner's getting cold."

Blonde brows rose in surprise but Millerna had only time to give her husband a confused look before she disappeared into the living room, her hands resting lightly on Van's shoulders when he carried her.

There was the quiet ruffling of clothes and Hitomi started when she felt a light tap on her shoulder, swirling around to meet smiling brown eyes. Dryden took her coat and she followed in Van's wake, her mind swirling with thoughts.

Why had he not told her about his practice?

A huge bouquet that sat in the center of the already set table was greeting her when she entered the living room. The scent of fish and spices clung to the air like a little child to its mother's legs and she could hear clinking noises coming from the kitchen.

Merle was already perched on a chair, her tail dangling limply from the edge and her upper torso bent over a piece of paper. A tanned hand was placed on her head, long fingers running gently through her pink tresses. Van had his other hand tucked in a pocket of his pants, his face tilted towards a painting resting against a shelf that was filled with books to the point of bursting.

"She finished another one?" He turned his head and his eyes flickered over Hitomi before they came to rest on Dryden.

"Yeah, she claimed a bunch of muses kissed her." Dryden smiled and held out a chair for Hitomi. "She locked herself in the atelier and worked throughout the whole night. This is the result."

Hitomi looked past Van at the painting, expensive oil paint stretching lazily across the canvas. She could see two naked bodies, one male and one female, tangled in an intimate embrace, rough, hard lines creating their outlines. There were no faces, no details, just their closeness and their touches, the trust their vulnerability was radiating reaching beyond the frame.

Their bodies were soaked in a cold blue that was mingling with an innocent, pure white where they touched, making the coldness melt, blue however still dominating the painting. Blue, the colour of longing and faithfulness, truth and belief.

Hitomi sat down on the offered chair and turned to look at Dryden who had taken off his glasses to clean them at his pullover. "Do you paint as well?"

"Oh, no. Heaven forbid." He let out a low chuckle. "Art is not exactly my thing."

Delicate brows knitted slowly, a flicker of confusion rushing across her eyes. "But I thought you were working in the gallery with Millerna."

"No no, the gallery is all Millerna's. It was my birthday present for her." A grin was twitching at the corners of his mouth. "I'm running my father's company. Lots of economic stuff and hair tearing. You wouldn't want to know."

"Dryden!" Millerna yelled from the kitchen, drowning the sound of a running faucet. "I need help!"

With a sigh, he placed his glasses back onto his nose. "Aye."

Smiling, Hitomi turned back around in her chair and felt her heart leaping right into her throat when she found Van looking at her. Looking at her with these incredible eyes of his. Searching. Finding. Knowing. She felt naked. Mouth dry. Not able to turn away.

The soft padding of footsteps broke the spell and Dryden brought a huge pan, deliciously smelling steam rising from the surface. Hitomi wanted to seize the possibility and flee into the kitchen with the excuse to help Millerna but the blonde woman joined the table right then.

Her heart beating furiously inside, Hitomi settled back in her chair, watching everybody taking a seat. What had just happened?

Millerna dumped a heap of rice on her guest's plate and after whacking her husband over the head, she turned, lilac eyes bright with mischief. "How did the concerts go? I've seen your announcements all over the city."

It was the Monday one week and two days after Millerna had invited her for dinner. She hadn't been able to make it that last Sunday due to a meeting with her lawyer that had been a short notice and had given concerts those last four days. Her first concerts alone. Without Allen at her side.

"Although it was only me on the stage without my glorious husband, I think people still liked it." She smiled weakly and took the plate Millerna offered, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

Dryden finally managed to swat his wife's hands away and loaded his plate with rice and fish. "Where is he anyway?"

For a moment, Hitomi's features hardened and her knuckles turned white when she tightened her grip around her knife but only Van saw it. The angry fire in her eyes flickered and died like a candle in a draught by finding him watching her. "He's in Pallas, nursing his broken arm."

She had only told Van that she was about to get divorced but she had the distinct feeling that Millerna knew, her amethyst eyes boring right into her. Call it female intuition for Dryden seemed to be completely oblivious to the tension tightening its grip around the table.

"Right, and how long are you going to stay here? Are you heading straight for Pallas when you're done here?"

"No, I'm not. I've got concerts in Zaibach this coming week." She averted her eyes from Dryden's smiling face and poked the fish on her plate with her fork. "I'm leaving on Thursday morning."

"In three days already?" Millerna exclaimed in surprise and cast a glance at Van who was picking Merle's hands out of her food, pressing the cutlery softly into her palms.

Green eyes hiding behind long lashes, Hitomi was watching him as well, searching for something on his features that would give away his thoughts, a surprised quirking of his dark eyebrows, his sensual lips parting, something, anything. She felt as if her insides were twisting into a knot, yearning for a reaction.

Nothing.

What had she expected? She hadn't told him, hadn't mentioned it in a single sentence, hadn't dropped at least one hint. She was leaving in three days. Did it even matter to him? Did he care? And why did she care?

_Because you're falling. _

She immediately drilled the thought into the depths of her mind's oblivion as if it were a cigarette she squashed with her heel.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Was it? Why should it be? Why should it be wrong to miss his presence? Why should it be wrong to search his closeness, to look forward to hearing his voice, to feel light-headed at his smiles? Because maybe he could not feel the same? Did she fear rejection? And why was she thinking about it now?

Banning the thoughts from her mind, she focused her attention on the conversation that had started and not on Van's obvious disinterest in her leaving. Hitomi was surprised about the couple's openness and naturalness for she was, after all, still a stranger. Feeling comfortable in their company, she set her mind on getting Dryden to talk about himself while Millerna was obviously hell-bent on getting him to shut up.

They talked, they joked, they laughed. She laughed. And it didn't feel like five hours when she suddenly stood beside Van in the corridor, ready to leave. The goodbye was warm, full of smiles, and she knew she would miss the young family. Their fierce hugs left her quite breathless and she didn't exactly know how to react to Millerna's "Till next time!" She settled for a smile.

The night was lounging in the streets, painting the city grey and dotting the canvas of the sky with stars. She averted her eyes from the twinkling lights and spotted Merle groping her way along Van's leg until his long, tanned fingers gently closed around her small hand.

"Well," his deep voice cut into the silence and Hitomi's head snapped up. "We were interrupted earlier, weren't we?"

She raised her brows at his nonchalance. "We were?"

"Yeah, you were just about to tell me about your divorce when Dryden opened the door." Van led Merle down the stairs and stopped under a streetlamp on the sidewalk right in front of the apartment building. Tall. Dark. Unreadable.

Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her coat, Hitomi joined his side. The wind was whispering around the corners of the houses while they were waiting for Gaddes to pick her up.

"I don't know what there'd be to tell." Her words hardly reached his ears for she was speaking to his shoes, her voice endlessly tired. She looked defeated.

"You tell me."

Exhaling deeply, she finally looked up and her eyes reminded him of those of a doll, bright and clear but lifeless. They were the windows to her soul but they were stained, smeared and dirty from pretending to be someone else than herself, hiding the shards that lay scattered beneath the lies. "I'm just sick of it all. I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of playing hide and seek, I'm sick of arguing about the ruins of my life with my ex-husband. The only good it did was to cure me from my stupid believe in true love."

"Why?" His eyes were almost black in the twilight of the night when he looked down at her. "Just because your first shot didn't hit bull's eye?"

Her delicate brows knitted at his words and she unconsciously squared her shoulders, her stance radiating anger. She was bitter, he could read it all across her features from the sneering curl at the corners of her mouth to her cold eyes. "I wasted three years of my life."

But more than being bitter, she was hurting. She had been hurt so much that she was now blinded by rage, unable to see that she was picking violently at the scab that was to heal the wounds, tearing them open again until only scars would be left.

"Was it a waste?" He held her stare, the wind freezing his exposed skin but the part where he held Merle's hand. "Was every month, every week, every single day of these years a waste? Isn't there one memory worth remembering? It makes me wonder why you married him at all."

The angry fire in her eyes flickered briefly but immediately rekindled as if a wind had blown new life into the flames. "I loved him more than my own life. I thought we were meant to be but obviously, I was wrong. He isn't the Allen I fell in love with anymore. He changed and everything just went down from there."

The words weren't spoken loudly but they were laced with so much resentment it was deafening. "You blame him, don't you?" In the distance, a pair of headlights cut through the darkness. "He changed. But it's just the way things go. They change. All the time. He is a different person now but so are you, Hitomi."

It had been risky and he knew it. She could have snapped right back at him but there was no emotion on her features. Complete blankness. They just stood there, looking at each other.

Her voice was hollow when she spoke, empty. "Alright. So, now we despise each other because we changed? And what else did you say? Things change all the time? Well, assuming you were right, how would eternal love be even possible?"

"Don't twist my words for your liking. You don't despise him." He was looking directly at her and she averted her eyes, finding it hard to look into his eyes for long, distracting, unnerving.

"How do you know?"

He exhaled. "Tell me a time when he made you laugh. Tell me a time you told him you loved him. A time you thought you would be together for the rest of your lives."

She blinked and her lips parted slightly, the promise of a reply in the breath she let go. It was when a familiar Ford pulled up beside them and she turned away.

Hesitation. That was what slowed her motions when she approached the car and reached for the door. He knew she wanted to say something. He knew she was too scared to do it. He knew he was right. He knew she was too proud to admit it.

"Good night."

_Good night_, that was all. No touch, no hug, no "Will I see you tomorrow?". There never was. She never told him if she would come by the next day. He never asked. Like a stray cat she would slip through the window he had left open for her whenever she needed warmth and comfort. There was never a word, never a promise, never any commitment.

She opened the door of the passenger side and turned briefly to look at him, the light of the streetlamp above them casting sharp shadows across her features. He was surprised to find her smiling. It was brief and small, invisible if he hadn't known where to look. But it was there.

A cool breeze carried the sound of a car door being slammed shut down the forsaken street and he was left staring at his own reflection in the window of the door. The Ford's engine roared and she was gone, one thought hammering inside his skull when he watched the red rear lights fading in the night, hammering so loud that it even drowned the sound of his wildly beating heart.

She was leaving in three days.

* * *

A chilly draft was creeping through the wide open windows, invisible hands dragging the long, silken curtains gently over the carpeted floor and ruffling through the foliage of the ficcus standing calmly beside the door. The soft whisper of leaves and fabric was the only noise together with the quiet humming of the television set. A grave silence had settled down in the huge bedroom, occupying the rattan chairs huddled in a corner and stretching lazily across the king-sized bed.

Hitomi stood beyond the bay windows on the balcony, her fingers wrapped around the marble railing and her honey-coloured strands dancing around her face. Behind her, the wide bedroom was drenched in the light of a sun that was still too weak to burn all the clouds at the sky, a blue duffel bag seemingly lost in a bed even too big for two people.

She had done it.

She was in Pallas, nearly one thousand kilometres away from where she was actually supposed to be. After her conversation with Van the night before, she hadn't been able to close her eyes, his words repeating in her head like a song from a cracked long player.

His words. They had haunted her, they had had her sit up straight at five in the morning, the turmoil of thoughts in her mind forming to a final decision at last. She had taken the first flight to Pallas and had come up here to the house with the intention to find out if he was right.

The wind carried the unmistakable scent of salt and she could see the ocean twinkling from between the fans of the palm trees that were lining the way down to their private beach.

It had been her favourite place, that balcony. She couldn't count how often she had come up here to think, to sulk, to relax or to just listen to the soft whisper of the ocean telling her stories. It had been home. Her house. She had decorated and furnished it, she had put the photos on the walls, she had linked everything with a memory.

For almost three years, they had laughed here, they had joked, they had made love, and they had argued. They had argued so much. These walls had heard so many nasty things, had seen so many tears and had felt so many glasses crack on their surface before falling in shards to their feet.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the deep roaring of an expensive car and the noise of tires on gravel. Without hesitating, she strode through the swaying curtains and grabbing her duffel bag, left the bedroom. Her footsteps reverberated along the empty hallway before the noise dispersed in the wide hall that opened at the end of it.

The front door swung open when she reached the top of the marble stairs and sunlight flooded the tiles where Allen entered the house, his shadow stretched out in front of him. His hand resting on the doorknob, he froze, bright blue eyes wide and alight with a dozen different emotions.

"Hitomi."

The word brushed over her when she descended the stairs, an echo of the past following in its wake. It spoke of different times, times when they had loved each other, times that by looking at him she knew would never return.

He wasn't taking his eyes off her when he closed the door and dropped the sling that had been wrapped around his arm to the ground. "What are you doing here?"

Had the circumstances been any different, she would have laughed at the surprise and confusion on Allen's features, something she hadn't seen between all the disdain and mockery of those last months. "I came to get my stuff."

"What...?" He ran a hand through his hair, the hand of the arm everybody thought was broken. "What does this mean?"

"I need some time to think." Averting her green eyes from his face that flashed utter confusion, she brushed past him. "Some time away from here."

"You are on tour in Fanelia...how much more away can you be?" There was slight amusement in his voice and she knew he thought she was having one of those days. A phase. Temporary unsoundness of mind. Something she would outgrow within the next days. Maybe it was. And maybe it was not. "And what is there to think about?"

She hesitated. And she did not know why. She had been waiting for him, wanting to tell him, wanting to say it right into his face, wanting to draw the final line. So, why was she being a coward now? "Maybe I don't want to fight about the house anymore. Maybe I don't mind when you take it."

Allen gave a laugh that reverberated from the cold walls around them. "Are you on drugs? I mean, seriously, did I slip into some kind of twisted alternate universe?"

Hitomi stopped with her hand on the doorknob, delicate brows knitting. "Allen..."

"No, Hitomi, I don't understand." He raised his hands in an appeasing manner when he saw the ominous cloud building above her head. "You were hell-bent on getting the house for yourself. You even started this war about it."

"And you kept it up just to annoy me." The defiance that rang with her words was louder than the anger. She knew it had been immature but simply hadn't been able to stop herself.

A guilty smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "And now, you're giving up, just like that? Why?"

She shrugged and though she tried to do it with the utmost nonchalance it reflected the nervousness that was even making her palms sweat. There, she had said it. There was no making it undone. Now, she had to stand up to her decision. "I miss the mountains."

And she really did. She had noticed it in Fanelia when standing on the bridge, looking out at the mountains that were hugging the city in a protective embrace. Mountains reminded her of home, of her childhood, of the family that still didn't know of her divorce.

"If I didn't know you better I'd say somebody had you brain-washed." A grin suddenly spread across Allen's features that reached from one ear to the other. "Say, are you still meeting this boy toy of yours?"

"I knew it wasn't a good idea to come to talk to you." She sighed resignedly and opened the front door. "I should have talked to your lawyer."

Reaching out a hand, he pushed the door close again, stopping her from leaving. "And yet you didn't. Now, why am I not surprised?"

Her eyes flashed with suppressed anger. "Because you're a conceited jackass!"

Allen sighed exaggeratedly. "And here I thought you'd stopped bitching. Some things never change, I guess." He countered her glare with a lop-sided grin. "Hitomi, what do you expect from me? This is kind of sudden."

"It is not." Allen almost didn't hear the whispered words, her eyes refusing to meet his. "I was thinking about it for a long time."

Van's words had been only the spark to a field of dry grass burned by hurt and distrust for too long, igniting a fire that had long been due and turning everything that had been to smouldering ashes. It was time for new grass to grow.

Allen suddenly chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest, and she looked up into his clear eyes. "Look what has become of us. You know, there was a time when we actually loved each other."

"Hard to believe."

The physical distance between them was so small that she could smell his aftershave, a different one now, and yet she knew she couldn't reach him. One and a half years ago, the ground between them had broken away, leaving a canyon too wide and too deep to surpass with shouting being the only way to communicate.

Two former lovers and their spite for each other was freezing the air. That was what she had never been able to understand; after everything they had gone through, after the wedding, after the vows, after every minute they had spent in each others arms, how could they treat each other like that now?

But she knew. Van had been right. They had both changed, like the plastic cap of a bottle that had been deformed by the sun and that now wouldn't fit anymore. She had always wondered why she had loved him once but it was the wrong way to look at it. The right question to ask was why wasn't she in love with him anymore? And the answer was simple, so simple even that she had overlooked it all those months – the answer was she herself.

"Will you ever stop being so cynical?" His voice was like a yell in the uncomfortable silence that had wrapped its invisible arms around them.

Green eyes darkening like the sky before a thunderstorm, she looked up at him, her clothes rustling softly when she squared her shoulders. "Will you ever stop being such a self-righteous jerk?"

"Do you always reply to questions with a counter-question or is it just when you don't like the answer?" The corners of his lips were twitching and she felt that old, angry spark igniting within her.

"I just do it when I don't feel like justifying myself."

"Look, we're doing it again." Confused, she raised her brows and he grinned wryly, white teeth showing. "Trying to rip each other's head off."

Hitomi shrugged and averted her eyes, feeling childish. "Well, it seems to be the thing we're best at."

"Why are you here? Probably not to argue with me." His usual nonchalance and carelessness showed again and it was what had hurt the most; he had always seemed as if it didn't matter the slightest bit to him. "You could have talked to my lawyer, you didn't have to wait here for me."

"I didn't— " Her cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment but he cut her off.

"You did wait, now stop trying to lie to me. You know it's pointless." The grin on his features was pure mischief. He could still read her like a book and she hated him all the more for it.

And there she was, unable to see what was behind the mask he wore. It was one of those moments when she was wondering if she ever knew him at all. "I just wanted to settle some things. Get my mind cleared."

"You're absolutely serious about this." She thought she heard something like acknowledgement between his words and it made a sudden wave of pride wash over her.

_Give me a reason  
For life and for death  
A reason for drowning  
While I hold my breath_

"I am." The words were so quiet she had trouble hearing them herself. "I haven't been for a while but yes, I am."

Allen watched her for a moment, watched her eyes dart across the reflections of sunlight dancing over the polished tiles while she was counting her heartbeats. "What about your stuff? I refuse to believe that everything fit into that bag."

"No, that's just what means the most to me. I'll send someone to get my stuff sometime...or wait, do you need the space right now?" The hospitality that had managed to cover old grudges for a while was suddenly gone, like a set of dishes angrily wiped off a table. "So your bimbo can move in here, you know? Where is she anyway?"

"Kristen is with her parents and stop calling her names. She doesn't do it to you, despite what you think." Hitomi raised her brows in suspicion. "And believe it or not but you'd like her if you just met her."

She gave a hollow laugh. "Thank you but I pass. I highly doubt that airhead and I have anything in common."

A slow, subtle smile stole on his lips, curling them faintly at the corners. "You'd be surprised."

Her eyes narrowed and her mouth pressed to a thin line, she reached for the doorknob. "Goodbye, Allen. Don't get me wrong but I don't feel like small-talking with you right now."

"I'm not keeping you." Shrugging his shoulders, he stepped away from the door, widening the distance between them.

Sunlight spilled at her feet when she opened the door, the chilly air grasping her wrists. The shadows were chased from his features and she couldn't tell if it was like an illusion of what had or a vision of what could have been. Either way it didn't matter anymore for it was a path she had left. "I know."

She cast a last look over her shoulder and it wasn't like seeing hallways she had roamed for a thousand times, parapets she had touched too many times to count, doors she had slammed shut, stairs she had stumbled down, tables she had decorated with flowers every time she had had the time to buy an exotic bouquet. It was a different place now. A strange place.

The magic of the house that had enchanted her the first time she had set a foot across the threshold was gone. Like a rare bird sitting on the window-sill it had flown away with the first yells bouncing off the walls, startled, ruffling its sparkling feathers one last time before abandoning the place forever.

The scent of memory was still hovering in the corners of the rooms and the folds of the curtains, the hallways smelling faintly of the life that had soaked the house. It was a fragrance that would soon be forgotten, forever stuck among the fabric of the furniture with nobody to remember its origin.

She left without another word and when she had disappeared around the corner to where her car was parked, the door fell softly shut.

* * *

"You don't have to do this."

Van wiped his forehead at the sleeve of his loose red shirt, trying to get at least some of his unruly strands out of his line of vision. Dishes clinked and the sound of running water almost drowned the soft sigh that escaped rosy lips.

"I know but I want to." Hitomi gave him a challenging look, one eyebrow raised, and placed the last plate in the sink. "Just be grateful and go wash your hands."

The young man opened his mouth to contradict but seeing that there was no use in arguing about a matter that had been settled already ten minutes ago, he only shook his head in silent surrender.

She had come for lunch this time, breaking with their little dinner ritual. And now she insisted on washing the dishes. Well, let her be.

With one long stride, he avoided Merle who was sitting in the way, turning the floor into one of her masterpieces by aligning crayons and pens of every colour possible in a complicated pattern. He opened the door to the small bathroom with his elbow for his hands and forearms were stained with black ink due to an unsuccessful attempt on refilling his printer.

He scrubbed his skin until it was turning an irritated shade of red, managing to get most of the ink off of his arms, drops of water bursting quietly on the sparkling surface of the ceramic sink. Leaning down, he splashed a handful of water in his face and reached blindly for a towel. When he opened his eyes again he was met with something odd.

He frowned.

There was a toothbrush that was neither his one nor Merle's. It was of a translucent but intense red with grinning, yellow ducks printed all across.

"Don't get your panties in a knot. I'm taking it with me again." Hitomi had appeared beside him, a grin twitching at the corners of her lips, and pushed past him to reach for her toothbrush.

He watched her reflection in the mirror, green eyes twinkling from between her long lashes. Something had changed, he could see it in the curl at the corner of her lips, at the crinkles fanning out beside her eyes. It was still there, the weight that seemed to press down on her all the time, but her stance was straighter and her shoulders more squared.

"I just brought it along for I won't be able to brush my teeth before that interview later and I cannot stand mingling with people without my teeth all clean and shiny." She grinned and her toothbrush sticking out of the left corner of her mouth, she shoved him softly out of the bathroom.

It was good to know that he was still king of his own four walls.

But despite the little voice in the back of his head that kept telling him with an astonishing patience that he was making one hell of a mistake, he smiled. Something about Hitomi had grown so familiar to him that he caught himself missing her when she wasn't around. And that had him sleepless.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair. The ventilation of his beat-up laptop was humming steadily. Merle's clothes were shuffling over the carpet with her movements. The telephone was ringing.

He picked up the receiver and stepped swiftly aside when the cat-girl tiptoed around him, the sunlight caught in her hair. A quiet noise of protest escaped her lips when he patted her softly on the top of her head. "Hello?"

"Long time, no bother, eh?"

Running a hand through his hair again, Van sighed. "I had hoped I'd never hear your voice again."

Yukari Uchida hopped onto her desk and flinging her hair over her shoulder, she smoothed her skirt. Her mobile was humming over documents strewn carelessly across the table, announcing an incoming message. "Your blunt honesty is very refreshing, Van."

"My pleasure." Van plopped down onto the couch and sprawled lazily out against the backrest, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "But what do you want, Yukari?"

"Hitomi is with you, right?" There was a silence when she opened her mobile and Van stared into space. "That was a rhetorical question, you don't have to answer. I know that she's there, I know that she's been with you for these last two weeks."

"What do you want?" Again, his voice was dismissive, cold, hoping to get rid of her with openly displayed hostility, knowing that wouldn't be the case.

"I want to give you an advice," she said slowly and snapped her mobile shut. "I want you to be careful because you're threading on thin ice. According to the law, she's still married, no matter how much she despises her husband or how many women he's playing with. And when the press get a whiff of what is going on between the two of you they're going to tear you apart like a raw piece of meat, both of you."

Van sighed audibly and pressed his palm against his eye. "There is nothing going on between us."

A snort. "Really? Well then, I would say you're both blind."

"Yukari, I know you're worried about her but—"

"Obviously you haven't been listening for I said I was worried about the both of you." There was a slight edge in her voice. "If this comes out, it's going to horribly mess up everything you were working so hard for to get in order."

Now, there was an edge in his voice as well. Why, he didn't know. "I told you there was nothing –"

"I know what you told me for, in contrary to you, I do listen." Yukari Uchida sounded genuinely angry. "But it doesn't matter if there is something or not, Van. It's enough when it is known that she's been seeing you almost every day since that concert. There will be enough stories, don't worry. And there'll be even more people laying siege upon your apartment until you come out and they can take a picture of you and your little autistic sister. Remember the havoc you caused with keeping her away from the Valentine's Ball? That was a warm-up."

She was right, with every word, with every syllable, with every unspoken thought hiding between the lines. He knew it. He had known it the moment Hitomi had showed up at his door for the first time. "I suppose you don't want me to see her again."

"I wonder if you were listening to me at all. Be careful, that's all I want. You're both grown up, or at least you should be, and I believe you capable of assessing the situation and what's at stake." Yukari was hunched on her knees, pressing the receiver against her ear and maybe for the first time, she wasn't playing with anything, not her mobile or documents or a biro, nothing, her concentration solely on the man at the other end of the line.

"Thank you." Sarcasm. Anger. Why couldn't she forbid him to see Hitomi again? He would have an excuse at least. How pathetic. When had he turned into such a coward?

A satisfied smile tugged at the corners of her lips, noticing he hadn't tried to deny again. "You're welcome, of course. What are friends there for?"

A disbelieving snort was all she got in reply and she rolled her eyes. "Flattering as usual. Just make sure she's at the hotel on time for the interview and no dirty stuff in front of the kid."

"Goodbye, Yukari."

"See you later, Van," she chirped and the connection was cut.

He stared at the ceiling, his mind blank. When the sound of water roaring through the pipes stopped, he placed the receiver on the table in front of him.

The door to the bathroom opened quietly. "Who was it?"

He looked up and met questioning green eyes, water dropping from the tips of her hair. She was asking. A little while ago, she wouldn't have cared, she wouldn't even have noticed. But things had changed, not forcefully or conspicuously but quietly and with the unstoppable certainty of an avalanche.

She told him where she had been and where she would go. It was something they had never spoken about before. Their plans had never been a topic.

"A friend. Nothing important." He watched her twist the wedding ring on her finger and by the look on her face, he could tell she wanted to say something. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." She turned away and rubbed her temple. "I was...I was visiting Allen in Pallas. I told him he could have the house."

Pitch-black brows rose in surprise. "The house you were so fond of?"

He watched her closely, curious. She brushed a few wet strands out of her eyes with a nervous movement of her hand, the silence heavy with hesitation. "Yup, that house." She finally nodded her head and turned to face him, her jaw set. "And you know what? Afterwards I went to my parents and told them about the divorce."

He didn't question any further. He didn't have to. She told him everything. Everything about the conversation with Allen and how surprisingly civilized it had been. About the house and that she had felt as sad as she had expected when leaving it but that it was okay. About her family and the long, long talk that had followed the revelation she had dropped like a bomb during dinner.

And although she tried to seem casual about it, like she would do something like this every third Monday of the month, he knew it hadn't been easy, hadn't been easy at all.

But despite the emotion that still shook her voice, Van couldn't trace the slightest bit of doubt about her. She was sure about the decision. Her hands were resting calmly in her lap, her eyes were focused and she was radiating an aura of determination as if she were at ease and satisfied with herself.

He wondered when he had started to notice details like this and his lips curled ever so faintly at the corners.

"What are you smiling about?"

He looked up, a bright, curious green welcoming him. _You. Me. About how you make me feel like a thirteen year old with braces. About the irony of the whole situation._

He didn't voice his thoughts. Too embarrassed. Too shy. Too much of a coward. "Are you coming with us to the park?" Instead he went for ignoring the question and felt like a fool.

Hitomi bit her lip. "No, sorry. I got this interview later this afternoon and Yukari's gonna kill me if I'm late." She looked like she wanted to say more, the words she had been rolling over her tongue over and over again lurking behind parted lips.

What did she want to say? And what was he going to reply?

The answer was easy. So ridiculously easy: nothing. They weren't going to say anything. But somehow he had a feeling what was on her mind or at least, a small, foolish part of him was hoping it was what was on her mind.

"It's already time to go to the park, isn't it?" Her words splashed on the silence like raindrops on the sidewalk.

Van watched her watching him, her arms wrapped securely around her fragile frame. When had things started to change? When had he started to care? When had he started to miss her? When had he started to wish things would remain the way they were now?

He couldn't tell. But it was probably the same moment he had wanted to keep her. The moment he had wanted to close the window to stop her from leaving again, not knowing if she would return or never appear at his doorstep ever again.

Unreadable eyes shifted to the clock at the wall. "Yeah, in a few minutes."

"Okay, I better go as well." She had turned away before he could lock eyes with her again, left to watch her profile.

Hitomi gathered her belongings, clothes, books, CD's strewn across the apartment throughout these past days. And though he knew she wouldn't be able to take everything with her. It had only been a few weeks and yet she had managed to leave her imprint in his life. She was in the smiley face she had drawn with lipstick across the side of the fridge, in the books that were now ordered according to size on the shelf, in the only plant in his apartment which she had bought, telling him the room needed some chlorophyll.

Fifteen minutes later, the door to his apartment fell shut and the key turned.

"You don't regret it, do you?"

She looked up, startled like he had just shaken her out of her thoughts. "Pardon?"

Van took Merle's small warm hand and their footsteps reverberated from the walls, sending a multiple echo down the staircase. "The things you did today. The things you said."

A smile made of sun rushed across her features. "No, I don't regret it."

Of course, she didn't. After roaming around without any clear destination or a point of orientation, she now seemed to have finally found her Pole Star. And he was sure she didn't even know it.

Hitomi didn't say any more until they had left the building, a pleasantly warm breeze chasing the last remaining winter cold into the darkest corners of the streets. Van stopped on the sidewalk at the bottom of the staircase that led down from the front door, knowing Gaddes's car wasn't parked on the way to the park.

"I guess some things will change for me now." She tucked some strands behind her ear which the wind kept blowing in her view. "Thank you."

He lifted one dark brow. "What for?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just felt like it."

Her gaze was on everything but him, hardly brushing him as if she feared to meet his eyes. "Well then, you're welcome," he replied, his voice deep and warm.

Again, she looked as if she wanted to say more, mouth opening and closing, taking a deep breath and letting it shakily go again. Only this time, he knew, she would say it.

_Something to laugh at  
A reason to cry  
With everyone hopeless  
And hoping for something to hope for  
Yeah, with something to hope for_

"Van." The hand that was hidden in the pocket of his jacket fisted. When had she ever said his name? She rarely did and therefore the impact was all the more devastating. It sounded better than any of Bach's pieces played on a Stradivari. He knew he could listen to it forever. Like it was meant to be.

How much more foolish could he be? "I'm leaving tomorrow."

He knew. Goddammit, he knew.

How often had he been dreading the moment she would say it? How long had he been lying awake, thinking about what to reply? He had hoped the words would never pass her lips, yet it had been certain from the very first day on.

Cars roared past but he didn't hear. Hitomi had leaned down to Merle, smiling at the girl who instantly pressed her small body harder against his legs.

"Hey there, little one. I won't be around for a while but I'm sure I'll see you soon again." She was about to stretch out her hand and pat the cat-girl's silky pink hair but decided against it.

"Bye bye, Hitomi," Merle said quietly without looking at her. "You're nice. You're a lot nicer than the girls at school."

Hitomi smiled broadly and rose, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her jeans and resting her gaze on Van. "Listen, how about you give me your number and we could –-"

"I think it's better when we don't see each other again." Quiet. Curt. Cutting through the air and her words like an arrow. Fast. Perfect aim. Hitting the red, round target right in the center. She looked like she had been slapped, eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape.

Surprise. The words unexpected and unfamiliarly cold. Hurt. The words stinging worse than the imprint of five fingers on her cheek.

"What?"

"You understood me just fine." It was for the best. "What is it we're doing here?" It was the best for her, for him, for Merle.

She blinked and seemed to find her balance again, regaining what had been sent stumbling by his declaration. "What do you mean?"

"This! Us! What is it?" He spread his arms, demanding an answer, a definition, an explanation. "You only want to see me again so you can seek shelter, flee from your problems like you have been doing for these past weeks."

Delicate brows knitted. "Are you accusing me of using you? You think I only stayed with you to get away from my life? Well, if that was my intention, then what about you? Why were you cancelling dinners with Millerna and Dryden? Why were you skipping practice? Because you enjoyed the time with me!" Van felt panic briefly rise inside his throat. Could it be? "Because you liked playing happy little family! Don't accuse me of using you when you did just the same!"

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" Bitterness sketched a smile that hardly reached past the corners of his mouth. "When you see you just pretend something you can never be, something you can never have."

"That is what you think?" She seemed angry, the look in her eyes scorching his skin. "You think that is what was happening between us these last days?"

Yes, exactly that. She was right with everything. He had enjoyed the time, had enjoyed every minute they had spent together, every minute things had seemed normal. "This is just a farce that will hurt us both in the end."

He winced at the harshness of his words. Hitomi however didn't seem to mind and the challenging sparkle in her eyes unnerved him. "In one point you're wrong."

Another car roared past and the noises around them grew louder, deafening with the moment that seemed to stretch endlessly like the string of a violin.

And it only needed so much as a breath, a ruffle of clothes and it finally tore with a short inaudible sound when she leaned in to kiss him.

* * *


	6. Fallout

**Six. Fallout**

A colourless sky was stretching drearily across the capital of Zaibach, fog that had been washed inside the city from the coast crawling slowly along the streets. The façade of the _Arcadia Hotel_ was wet and dark with morning dew and the few illuminated windows glowed like yellow eyes, blinking every now and then when a curtain was moved.

Hitomi averted her green eyes from the window and white satin sheets ruffled softly when she turned on her back. Staring at the ceiling, she took a deep breath and felt a familiar fluttering in her stomach, like a thousand butterflies suddenly awaking and rising in a swirl of excitement.

Closing both hands over her eyes, she felt her cheeks heat up beneath her palms, images of the day before flashing through her mind. The expression in his eyes. The feeling of his skin beneath her fingertips. The softness and taste of his lips. Her blood roaring in her ears. The memories were fresh as if it happened only minutes instead of more than twelve hours ago. She felt her heartbeat speed up by only thinking about it.

She couldn't believe herself. But at that moment, it had seemed the right thing to do. When he had told her not to meet him again, she had known she would miss him. She would miss his music, would miss his fingers stringing the violin, miss his smiles, the way he ruffled Merle's hair, the softness of his voice. And maybe for the first time in her life she had known what she wanted and what she didn't want. She hadn't wanted to miss all that. She had wanted to be with him.

And she had kissed him. She had felt his surprise, his hesitation, his shyness. She had thought she had made a mistake, had thought he would push her away but when she had felt him respond ever so slowly, she couldn't help but grin and pull him even closer.

She had tasted the promise of something worth all the pain and masquerading. She had wanted to believe him.

They had pulled apart, dazed, like waking from a dream and when looking up at him, she had found something in his eyes she had lost a long time ago. Something precious. Something beautiful. And she had wanted to keep it.

He had been flustered, fumbling for words before finally murmuring, his voice husky, "A kiss isn't an answer, Hitomi."

"I know." She had grinned so hard that if she hadn't had ears, the corners of her mouth would have met at the back of her head, creating a circle.

Van hadn't broken their eye contact nor had he stepped away, keeping his hands on her waist while her ones had been resting around his neck. His warmth was all around her. "Well, what are we going to do about it?"

His breath had tickled over her cheeks and she had looked directly into his thick-lashed, auburn eyes and they had been darker and clearer than ever before. She noticed that she had never been this close to him before. "So, you want to do something about it then?"

He had smiled, faintly, and it had been the shadow of one of those smiles he always gave Merle, one of those smiles that lit up his entire face, chasing the shadows from his eyes and crinkling their corners. It was a smile that made him look younger, more boyish. "That's just what I said, isn't it?"

Hitomi had wanted to burst with happiness and the feeling had almost overwhelmed her. It was unfamiliar. Something she hadn't been used to for a long time. She had felt playful all of a sudden. "It's a bit inappropriate at the moment though. I've got the interview now and my flight departs this evening."

"Yeah, your timing is pretty crappy." His eyes sparkling mischievously, Van had rubbed his thumb softly over her cheek and a warmth had pooled in the pit of her stomach that made her forget it was winter.

"Are you complaining?"

He had grinned at her indignant expression. "You could have come up with that earlier."

"If I hadn't come up with it at all, we wouldn't be standing here now. You could have done something." She poked his chest and his smile was like his music, a reflection of his thoughts and dreams, a shy answer to the question he read in her eyes. "How about I call you when I'm in Zaibach or something like this?"

He had agreed and they had parted. And now, she was overanalyzing things. She was giddy and happy, happy like she hadn't been in a long time. But there was a voice in the back of her mind, reminding her that she had been in a situation like that before. Almost exactly the same. Frighteningly similar. And it hadn't turned out like she had wanted to at all.

She couldn't silence the voice, she didn't want to make the same mistake again. Not ever. And it resulted in doubt. She wasn't so sure anymore. Wasn't so sure if it had been the right thing to do. Wasn't sure if it hadn't been too soon, too rushed. Was she?

The covers landed on the ground when she angrily flung them away and got out of bed. The floor was warm and she padded across the bedroom. It smelled sterile for not a single guest stayed long enough to leave an imprint and the traces they left were swept away the next day. And she wasn't going to change that.

She was just another face in the doorway and when she was gone everything would seem as if she had never been there. She wondered if people remembered her, if people remembered her and not just her music, if people would still remember her even if she didn't have the music.

And somehow, thinking about it made her shiver despite the warmth lingering in the room. She needed a coffee. She needed to clear her mind.

The living room was silent when she entered, the gray light from outside splashing onto the floor and against the walls. Hitomi was hardly able to stifle a horrified shriek by noticing a slight movement out of the corners of her eyes and finding a dark silhouette outlined against the window.

"Goddammit, Yukari!" Hitomi was breathing heavily, glaring daggers at her friend. Her hands had tightened around the backrest of the couch, her nails digging into the soft leather.

Yukari Uchida had an unusually detached expression on her face when she approached, dropping two newspapers on the couch table. "Real smooth, Hitomi."

Green eyes narrowed in confusion, she stepped closer and cast a glance across the covers. Yellow press. Big headlines. A photo. She gasped. "Oh shit."

"Understatement, my friend. Understatement. _Bloody fucking hell_ would be more appropriate." Yukari crossed her arms in front of her chest, distress now settling across her features. "Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

Hitomi had stepped around the couch and skimmed the articles, her eyes seeming to widen with every line. _Adultery. Affair. Illegitimate child._ Every word was like a blow to her stomach, forcing the air out of her lungs. And his name. His name was everywhere.

"Hitomi?"

Yukari had to call out two more times before she got a reaction and Hitomi seemed to wake from a daze. Her head snapped up, her eyes clearing when she blinked and in a blur of white and rustling newspapers she was on her feet. "What's the time? I have to call him!"

"Hitomi, calm down." The redhead reached out to place a hand on her friend's shoulder but the young woman jerked away, her eyes darting restlessly across the room.

"Calm down?!" She stooped to pick up one of the magazines and waved it in front of Yukari's face.

The photo on the cover was slightly blurred, the image enlarged too much. The people on the photo, however, were still recognizable as Van and herself, kissing, her hand softly placed on his cheek, his hands resting on her hip, Merle clinging to his leg. It was all there. In colour. "Look at this! They're going to molest him! They're going to lay siege upon his apartment until he is left no choice but to come out. And Merle. Gods, what did I do?"

Hitomi sat back down on the couch and buried her head in her hands, breathing heavily. The magazine seemed to laugh at her through the slits between her fingers. On the photo she could see the wedding ring on her finger, the irony mocking her.

What did she do? Had she been too selfish? That moment, she had wanted him. All of him. She had wanted him, his voice, his smiles, the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel, everything.

She hadn't thought of the consequences, she hadn't thought of anything. There had been only herself and the urge to never let him go.

The couch dipped slightly when Yukari sat down beside her and a comforting warmth spread from the spot where she placed a hand on Hitomi's arm. "I already tried to call him. He doesn't pick up."

There was no accusation, no reproach. Gratitude pooled inside Hitomi's stomach. "How could this happen?"

"You tell me." The redhead smiled and Hitomi returned it weakly.

It seemed to her as if it had been just a dream when she told Yukari about the day before, about their fight, about their kiss. And suddenly it seemed so far away, as if it had happened a lifetime ago.

Yukari sighed but the smile refused to disappear all the way from her features, leaning casually against the corners of her lips like a silent observer. Watching. Knowing. Understanding. "It was just a matter of time when this was going to happen."

"What do you mean?" Green eyes narrowed. "I noticed that I was more than just physically attracted to him only yesterday. How would you have known?"

"I meant the press, Hitomi, and that they were going to find out that you were seeing Van on a regular basis sooner or later." The smile lurking at the corners of her mouth returned onto her face as a grin and Hitomi blushed. "However, I knew you were going to find out that you liked him sooner _than_ later. Sometimes you're too dense for my own good."

Had she not noticed that she had felt something for him the entire time? She had known that she was interested in him the moment she had heard him play the violin. Before, he had only been one of a thousand other ones, exceptionally handsome when looking at him but faceless after passing by, his eyes and features soon forgotten like the memory of a dream. But when she had heard him play, his image had burned itself into the retina of her mind, leaving a mark she would never forget. And she had wanted to know how it was possible. She had wanted to know what was behind the music, what made it grow into this unique painting made of melodies.

_Could it be true  
Can life be new  
Could it be all that I am  
Is in You_

But had there been more than interest? More than attraction? "This is all my fault."

Yukari rolled her eyes and stood up, leaving a fragile cloud of _Boss Woman_ hovering in the place where she had sat. "Stop pitying yourself, this is nobody's fault. It happened, you cannot change it, you cannot make it undone."

A shadow fell across her when Yukari stepped in front of the window. "There's a bunch of reporters waiting down there in front of the hotel." Only half an hour ago she had thought everything had been a dream, now she wished it were one. Yukari's shadow shifted slightly. "You okay?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it's a change at least. It was getting a bit boring anyway. Was about time for some drama." Hitomi heard the grin in her friend's voice, casualness and slight cheerfulness laced between the words but she knew Yukari was anything but. "What now?"

Hitomi looked up, her brows raised. Yukari's face was cloaked in shadows. "No suggestions?"

"No, not this time. It's your decision." Yukari bowed lightly, her red hair sparkling. "I'm just the vessel who'll do your bidding."

"That's a first."

She shrugged and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Well? What are you going to do?"

For a brief moment, Hitomi's eyes unfocused, looking past Yukari and past the city behind her, seeing a hundred different possibilities she could choose from, missing a thousand. She blinked, looked at Yukari, looked at her own hand in her lap, looked at her past. "A few things."

She was surprised at how easily her wedding band slipped from her finger when she took it off. It cast a ring of weak, golden light onto the table where Hitomi placed it and by looking at her hand she found a slim line around her finger, the skin of a lighter colour where the band had been, reminding her of what once had been.

It would fade with time, like a memory.

* * *

The heels of his shoes clicked over tiles when he crossed the huge kitchen but the sound was drowned by the deafening noise of sizzling oil, clinking dishes, knives chopping away on vegetables and yelled orders that were thrown from one side of the room to the other and back. Gaddes walked past the host of cooks who were busily preparing dinner that cost a month's loan and tried to inhale as much of the delicious scents as possible.

He hadn't slept in two days and he felt just like it. Judging by the looks other people gave him, he probably looked like it as well.

The reason why he hadn't gotten any sleep lately was also the reason why he had to use the same way to enter the hotel the breakfast left-overs took to leave it. People would maul him if he stepped through the front door. Simple as that. If the Valentine's Ball had been a disaster, this was the literal shit that royally hit the fan.

His charge had often gotten herself in unpleasant situations, this time however was different. Gaddes shook his head softly and pushed through the door that led to the staircase. Hitomi Kanzaki had asked him for a favor and he was sorry to bring news that would disappoint her.

Her face appeared in the doorframe a moment after he had knocked and the smile immediately vanished from her features when she saw the expression on his face. The flicker of hope in her eyes died. He wished he could have made her happy.

Hitomi stepped aside so to allow him to enter. The apartment smelt of carnations and restlessness. A movie was flickering over the TV screen but the sound had been switched off, the actors talking mutely with each other.

Gaddes nodded at Yukari Uchida who had stopped pacing and was now watching him, as well as at Hitomi's lawyer who was brooding over a pile of documents. The air seemed even tenser than it had been when he had left them.

The door clicked quietly shut. "Well, Gaddes?"

Turning around, he found Hitomi leaning against the door, her hands behind her back and uncertainty written across her features. "Mr. Fanel was not at his apartment."

Hitomi bit her lip and nodded. The rational part of her had known that Van wouldn't wait for the press to tear him apart. She had known he would leave his apartment, she just hadn't known he would leave that fast. She had hoped he would stay until she had had the chance to apologize.

Gaddes's voice softly broke the silence. "His neighbor said he had left the apartment early in the morning together with the little girl and another man."

Surprised, she looked up and her eyes darted from Gaddes to Yukari who only shrugged. Another man? Maybe she had been right after all. Maybe he really was with Millerna and Dryden. Maybe it would have been better if she had called them right away. If she just hadn't felt so guilty.

Her mobile was immediately found, the number quickly dialed, too quickly for her to bury the feeling of guilt somewhere far away. The coward in her dreaded the reaction to her call. Three rings. A click. A heartbeat passed.

"If you're one of those bloody reporters again, I swear I'm gonna find you and scratch out your eyeballs to play table tennis with them!" an angry voice growled into her ear and Hitomi could imagine Millerna's violet eyes blazing beneath her knitted brows.

She hesitated a moment, the shadow of an amused grin vanishing immediately. "I'm sorry, Millerna."

"Who is this?" The young woman sounded irritated and at the brink of losing her patience.

"It's me, Hitomi." Quiet. Unsure. A coward after all. Trying to imagine the look on Millerna's face.

A brief silence and Hitomi feared Millerna would hang up on her. She was about to say something but almost choked on her words when the other woman suddenly spoke, her voice surprisingly and genuinely soft. "Hitomi, how are you?"

She gave a laugh. Not what she deserved. "I've been worse but I should be the one asking."

"Oh, we're fine." The words were spoken carelessly, almost too carelessly, and Hitomi knew nothing was fine. She felt even worse. Her intention for calling hadn't been to ask how they were doing but to find out where Van was.

"I didn't know 'fine' meant greeting someone with the threat to scratch their eyes out." Millerna chuckled at the other end of the line and sighed, running a hand absentmindedly over her stomach. Hitomi bit her lip, knowing that beating about the bush wouldn't get her anywhere. Millerna knew exactly why she was calling. "They were thinking Van was at your place, right?"

"Yeah, they appeared here even before we actually knew what it was all about."

She was using Millerna. And they both knew it. "Is he?"

"No, Van's not here." Millerna's voice was soft, void any accusation or resentment, and Hitomi was thankful.

"I've been trying to call him but he didn't pick up and I sent Gaddes to his apartment but he said Van was not there." Out of the corner of her eye she saw that everybody was watching her, even Amano had looked up from his documents, a dark brow raised. "I want to know how he is. I want to apologize."

She could hear the smile on Millerna's face. "It's not your fault."

Hitomi thought otherwise. "Do you know where he is? Van's neighbor said that he had left with another man and I thought Dryden had come to pick him up."

"Yes, I know where he is and no, it wasn't Dryden who came to get him but Van's brother."

"What?" She choked on her own words.

"My reaction was along these lines as well, just a little more on the blunt side." Millerna chuckled and her eyes were twinkling when Dryden peered around the corner, a questioning look on his features and she mouthed 'Hitomi'. "Yeah, he left with his brother for Adon. It is more than unlikely that anyone will find out where he is for not even Van knew where Folken lived. Do you want the address or telephone number?"

Hitomi could barely stop the smile that was about to break across her lips. "The address, please."

* * *

The faint melody of a lullaby was hovering in the air, penetrating the walls when coming from the apartment above. The voice singing was fragile, soft. The voice of a woman.

Sunlight cast long shadows around him onto the floor and warmed his back, reflections dancing over the shards of a broken glass. He was sitting on the ground, holding Merle in a tight embrace while softly rocking back and forth, her whimpers muffled by his shirt.

She had finally stopped struggling. She had finally stopped screaming. Stroking her hair gently, he felt her shiver.

"Van?"

Opening his eyes, Van looked up at the man who was sitting on the couch and was watching him worriedly. He was resting his elbows on his knees, his hands fisted in his aqua-blue hair. Van hadn't seen him in years and he was surprised how much Folken's features now resembled those of their father. "Is she okay?"

Van glanced at Merle who was clutching the fabric of his shirt tightly and shook his head tiredly. "No, she's not. She doesn't know this apartment, she doesn't know you, she's not used to anything around her right now and it scares her."

"Will she get used to it?" His brother seemed slightly uncomfortable, wringing his hands uncertainly, his eyes darting around and refusing to meet Van's gaze for too long. Van knew that it was a new situation for Folken as well as for him and Merle. They weren't used to each other. To his brother he was a stranger, something that did not belong in the world he was used to, like a scar in someone's face that you didn't want to stare at but couldn't stop yourself to do so and the harder you tried not to, the more often you looked.

And ever so slowly, Folken realized that he was looking at his own face in the mirror. There were two scars marring his skin, one older and fainter, the other one young and fragile, but both burning whenever he looked at them. Van and Merle were both scars in his face, scars in his life, reminding him of the mistakes he had made. And whatever he did they would remain until his dying day, maybe fainting with time, maybe forgotten some day but always there.

Van finally looked back down at Merle, releasing the unconscious but tight hold he had had on his brother. "Eventually. But it will take a long time. You can't imagine how long it took me to get her to go to the daycare."

Merle stirred when he touched her head softly and her soft, tired voice resounded loud and broken in the silence. "Home. Where is home? Want to go home." Her world was like a house of cards and someone had just taken away two cards at the bottom, making it tumble to the ground. Her unfamiliar surroundings latched onto her with cold hands, like a nightmare from which she couldn't wake up and she clung tightly to Van. His voice, his scent and his warmth were the only things she knew, the only connection to her world, providing a stability she so desperately needed.

"I'm sorry but we can't. Not now." Van tucked a strand of pink hair behind her ear and tried to find her eyes but she continued to stare at the ground, her fragile body pressed against his one as if she was trying to crawl into him to hide and cry and wait until everything was over. "This is your home for the moment."

She jerked her head away when he tried to touch her chin and make her look at him. "This is not home."

"I know." He kissed the top of her head softly and looked at their reflection in the dark, smooth surface of the TV screen.

It's been two days since the reporters appeared on his doorstep. Two days since everything went wrong, two days since his status quo changed once and for all, two days since he had left Fanelia. And he knew that things would not go back to normal, at least not back to the "normal" he had been used to.

He had been surprised when Folken had called him. They had remained in contact, if one call a year counted, but they had hardly talked a lot or met each other for that matter. It had always just been an update, checking if the other one was still alive in the most superficial way, nothing profound, nothing important.

Van had been in a situation when he hadn't known what to do. Merle had been screaming and fighting him while a bunch of strangers had tried to storm his apartment and he had felt completely helpless, something he could not deal with. He hadn't been able to remember a time he had felt that weak.

Folken's call had been the answer to his unspoken wish for help. His brother had said he would come get him and Merle and that was what he had done.

"You sent her to a special daycare?" Folken's voice shook him out of his thoughts and he looked up.

Van nodded. "For half a year now. I had to go to work and she needed special treatment that I cannot give to her. She has an affinity for numbers and patterns and they can provide the support she needs."

"That's why you stayed in Fanelia? Because of Merle?" Folken was still watching him rocking the cat-girl softly back and forth, the little girl lying limp and lifeless in his arms. It seemed as if she had given up, as if she knew all the screaming and struggling wouldn't bring her back home.

Van's eyes turned distant for a moment before he focused his attention on Folken again. "She was a reason, too, yes. But it wasn't as if I had anywhere else to go."

Folken nodded and his gaze swept across the living room, over the chairs that had been thrown over, the glass that lay shattered on the ground, his brother who was sitting calmly on the carpet. Nothing was where it belonged, everything was out of place. However, seen from a different point of view, one thing was out of place. He was out of place, watching the life of someone else.

With a soft shake of his head, Folken stood up and walked to the open window, his footsteps muffled by the carpet. "Do things like these happen often? The screaming and fighting, I mean."

"It is hard to draw a line because 'things like these' as you call it is just the way Merle is, Folken." Van's voice wasn't bitter or accusing but patient, so patient that Folken wished he were screaming at him. "There are better days and there are worse ones."

A cigarette fell quietly into Folken's palm when he shook the packet he had pulled out of his jeans pocket. He twisted his upper body slightly and looked down at his brother, the cigarette dangling from his lips. "You want one?"

Looking over his shoulder, Van merely raised a brow. He hadn't known Folken smoked. "No, thank you."

They turned away from one another at the same time, their backs facing each other. They hadn't seen each other in three years and had nothing to say. They were brothers and didn't know the other one, didn't know their differences, didn't know their similarities, not anymore. They had become strangers that shared the same parents.

Van didn't even know if he had missed his brother, he didn't know what it was like to have him around, he didn't know how to miss something he did not know. He stared at Folken's shadow that fell on him and stretched over the ground at his feet. A lighter clicked in the silence. Once. Twice. Folken took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm not like you. I couldn't do that."

Van sighed softly. "This is not about skill, Folken." He still hadn't understood. After all these years, he still hadn't understood.

"Do you think me a coward, Van? Because I left when Mom and Dad started to yell all night long about you and your career? Because I did not return when Merle became a half-orphan? Because I did not support you?" Folken's voice was quiet and Van almost believed a masochistic part of his brother wanted to be thought a coward. It would make everything so much easier for him.

"I'm not reproaching you." Merle's breath was softly tickling his skin, her body still in his arms. It seemed as if she had fallen asleep but her hands were tightly fisted in his shirt, her ears twitching, and he knew she was listening to every word. "Just like I don't reproach Mom and Dad. We all made a decision. They did what they thought was right as did you and I. The least you can do is stand up to it."

Folken took a drag from his cigarette, the tobacco crackling quietly when the amber burned it to blue smoke. Blowing the smoke into the wind, he watched the fragile tendrils being twisted and torn into non-existence. "You're just like Mom. She always managed to make me feel guilty without even noticing it."

In the silence that followed, Folken finished his cigarette und stubbed it out in an ashtray that was resting on the windowsill, a puddle of rainwater gathering at its bottom. He stepped away from the window and sunlight washed over Van again. "I've got some things to settle but I'll be back for dinner. Let's say I cook something that will have your taste buds scream with joy and you explain to me how exactly you managed it on the cover of a dozen newspapers and magazines."

The jingling of keys sounded clear in his ears when he took them from the counter and turned only to find his brother watching him intently. There was something about Van's eyes that made him slightly uncomfortable, and maybe it was because he never knew what his brother was thinking. Folken didn't know him well enough. He didn't know Van at all. "What?"

Van averted his eyes and slowly rose from the ground, carefully lifting Merle to her feet as well. "How long have you been staying here in Adon?"

"A bit over a month now." Folken had already wondered when Van would come up with this topic, the coward in him dreading the moment. It meant he had to explain why he had been avoiding his brother, why he hadn't called. He was thirty-five years old and couldn't bring a simple apology over his lips. "I would have called you anyway, with Adon being relatively close to Fanelia and all. It's probably the first time we're living in the same country since I left."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Folken felt stupid. It sounded like an excuse. It was an excuse. An excuse his brother didn't want to hear, an excuse he hadn't asked for. "Folken? Why did you help me?"

Van hadn't asked for an explanation, hadn't demanded justification. "I was already asking that myself. I don't know. Maybe when I saw you on the news I thought it was a good time to start righting a wrong."

"Why after all these years?" Van was watching his brother cross the living room and grab his coat that hung by the front door.

Folken's hand stilled on the door handle. "I always tried to talk myself into believing that late is better than never."

"Thank you." And Folken knew if he apologized for leaving his family, for deserting his brother thirteen years long, for neglecting his half-sister, Van would accept it. He wouldn't give Folken the satisfaction of carrying a grudge against him, wouldn't give him the contempt he was so desperately craving for to punish himself with. Van would forgive him.

Folken gave a laugh and left the apartment, his reply so soft that Van almost missed it. "You're welcome, Van."

Silence decided to seek his company again after the door had fallen shut with a quiet click. Van didn't mind silence. It had always been quiet in their apartment and somehow the silence comforted him, resembling what he had been used to. When he closed his eyes, it seemed as if nothing had happened. But he wondered if he wanted it like that. He hadn't minded when Hitomi had turned everything upside down, hadn't minded the change, had enjoyed it.

She had taken away the silence and order from him and in return, she had given him something else, something that could be better than what he had known if he just let it happen. But wouldn't it be selfish? He hadn't minded the change but what about Merle? She hadn't taken the change as good as he'd thought in the beginning. But how he had wished she would. He had wished she would be able to cope with it, would accept the new situation, the new person in their lives.

But there was more to his pathetic little wish than Merle accepting Hitomi. He just hadn't known it. He hadn't wanted to know.

Now she needn't only to adapt to Hitomi but also to a brother she never knew she had, to a new city, a new apartment, a new daily routine. It was going to be a hard. Yesterday had been worse than any day ever before. Merle hadn't been able to understand that the cups weren't in the place they were supposed to, that her bedroom was different, that there was no school to go to and that the park wasn't the one she knew like the back of her hand. It wouldn't be different today. Only this time, Folken had seen to it that he wasn't at home when it started.

Van sighed and looked down at Merle who was clinging to his leg, not knowing what to do. Lately, nobody seemed to know.

He spent fifteen minutes on coaxing Merle into drawing him a picture, twenty minutes on roaming the apartment in search for something to do, three quarters of an hour on sitting on the couch and staring at the opposite wall.

When the doorbell rang, he almost jumped out of his skin.

Panic surged through him. Had they found him? Here, at the back of beyond? Nobody knew where he was except for Millerna and Dryden and he could trust them to keep it a secret.

Paranoid, that was the only word to describe him. Shaking his head slightly, Van got up and went to open the door, curiosity looking over his shoulder. Maybe it was one of Folken's friends. Maybe it was the woman who had called yesterday, claiming she was Folken's girlfriend. Maybe it was Millerna.

He froze upon opening the door. Dejá vu.

One month ago. Green eyes. A hesitant smile. The scent of sunshine and happiness. Clear laughter. An evening spent forgetting. The selfish desire to see her again. The urge to keep her. The realization that things could change with one word. The word never said.

Maybe it was Hitomi.

_Could it be this  
Could it be bliss  
Can it be You  
Can it be You_

"Can I come in?" She seemed nervous, her eyes darting back and forth between his eyes and the words printed across his shirt. Her hands were tightening around her scarf.

Nobody had been able to tell her how he would react, what he would do, what he would say. She feared he entirely blamed her for what happened, feared he didn't want her in his life anymore, feared he would tell her to leave. But she knew he wouldn't and even if he did, she would not go. Not before she had apologized.

And nobody had told her how she would react. When she looked up at him, it seemed as if her insides turned upside down, her heart in her mouth. His features conjured every memory of him in her mind and she wanted to reach out and touch his face, be close to him.

The silence was unbearable. He took her in as if he couldn't believe she was really there before his gaze darted over her shoulder, scanning the hallway behind her.

"Don't worry, only four people know I'm here and they know better than telling it to anyone."

He blinked and shook his head, the ghost of a smile brushing his lips. "Sorry for the paranoia."

Relief washed through Hitomi when he stepped aside and she entered the apartment. The situation was so familiar and yet it couldn't be more different. She missed the scent of wood and clean laundry that had been present in Van's apartment, and the cozy and slightly disorderly atmosphere.

This room was cold and tidy, except for the place where Merle sat on the ground. It smelled of coffee and faintly of cigarettes. "Is your brother here?"

"No." Van closed the door and scratched the back of his neck. "How do you know?"

"Millerna."

He exhaled and after rubbing his eyes, raked a hand through his tousled hair. He seemed extremely tired. Catching the concerned look on her features, he said, "I didn't get much sleep this night."

"I was just about to ask how you are." Hitomi wrapped her arms around herself, trying to rub away the goose bumps that covered her skin.

Van walked past Hitomi towards the counter, inhaling her mild, tempting scent, the scent he had missed. "I'm fine. Merle's the one who's not so well."

Guilt. One sentence and the feeling of guilt tightened painfully around her stomach. Out of the corners of her eyes, she saw the cat-girl kneeling on the ground. "Van, I'm so sorry. I'll get everything right, I promise."

"At least, we've got a picture of our first kiss." A trace of anger in his biting tone.

Sarcasm was something unfamiliar coming with his voice and she was slightly taken aback. She looked at him and found a smile on his lips that left his eyes completely untouched. "Van, this isn't funny."

His smile vanished when he exhaled. "Really? I didn't notice."

Hitomi crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes. Taking a step backwards, she stared at him. His attitude was thoroughly unsettling and untypical. And unfair. "Why are you being so cruel?"

"I'm sorry." Van sighed and tapped his fingers on the counter. "It's just that this is exactly why I told you we shouldn't see each other anymore. And it would have been alright but then you had to kiss me and I couldn't do anything but be selfish. See where it got me?"

She blinked, startled, and an indignant expression crossed her features. This wasn't the way she had wanted this conversation to go, hadn't wanted it to turn into a childish argument. Something was going wrong. "Well, I'm sorry but you're not the only one suffering here."

He snorted. "Oh yes, I forgot, the mask of your perfect life and perfect career and perfect marriage got a scratch."

She looked as if he had hit her across the face. He couldn't have hurt her any more. It weren't the words. She had heard things like that before, had heard people talk bad about her behind her back, had heard lies to last her a lifetime. But it had never affected her, not once. Up to now. And it was because _he_ had said those words. She felt the back of her eyes prick and anger flared inside her. Anger because he could hurt her, because he did hurt her, because she let him hurt her.

His expression shifted immediately and never had an emotion showed more clearly on his face than regret did right then. He regretted what he had said but it was too late. The words had been said and couldn't be made undone.

Her hands were fisted and she was hardly able to stop her voice from shaking. She felt betrayed. "I thought you knew me better. I thought I knew you better."

"Hitomi — " A noise interrupted him and they both turned to look at Merle who had risen from her position on the floor, uttering deep, almost guttural growls while crossing the room aimlessly.

Immediately, Van was beside her, pinning her arms to her sides and trying to speak to her over her screaming. The noise was painful to hear and to watch, high-pitched and filled with so much fear and panic that Hitomi felt her insides twist. Her anger evaporated when she looked at Van. He was smiling.

She admired and envied him for his strength and patience, remaining sure and calm when everything seemed to crumble. She was hardly able to imagine how hard it must be for him, how hard it must be to watch his sister suffer so much, how hard it must be to find the strength to get up in the morning again, hoping that day would be better than the last one.

She swallowed. "Van, what is wrong?"

"Things aren't in the place they're supposed to be. She doesn't understand." He tried to pull Merle into a hug but she fought so hard that he had to let her go again so she wouldn't get hurt.

A determined expression settled on his features and his gaze flickered to Hitomi before he swiftly rose from the ground. Ignoring the blows he was receiving, Van picked Merle up and carried her to a door across the room. He gave Hitomi an apologetic look and disappeared in the adjacent room, closing the door softly behind him.

She stood rooted to the floor, unable to move. She was angry at herself, at her inability to help. It wasn't the first time she was in a situation like this and yet she still felt completely helpless. What was she afraid of? That she could do something wrong? That she wouldn't be able to handle it?

Merle was still screaming and she could hear Van talking softly, patiently.

She bit her lip, hesitating in front of the door where Van had disappeared. "Van? Can I help you?"

"No, it's okay." Something shattered and she could hear him say Merle's name over and over again but the crying only intensified.

Hitomi's hand closed around the doorknob, tightly, and she turned it slowly. She wasn't going to stand by and watch, wasn't going to run away. Not this time. Not again. "Van, I'm coming in."

"NO!" His voice almost broke but his panic yell was too late and Hitomi froze before she could even open the door completely, her eyes wide.

The corners of her vision blurred and she could only stare, stare and doubt her senses. There, right in front of her was something maddeningly surreal, something unearthly beautiful, something that was older than words because there were no words that could describe, could grasp it. So close and yet so far away. It was as if she was looking at another world, another time.

Van was kneeling on the ground in front of Merle, pinning her arms with his hands to her side. She was still uttering inarticulate words, her chest rising and falling quickly but her voice was getting quieter, her attention focused on the pair of shining white wings that was folded above Van's head, bent in a majestic arch.

He had shed his shirt and feathers were brushing against his skin where they had broken from his back. They were of the purest white she had ever seen and seemed to glow from within, even the ones that were lying on the ground.

Hitomi had pressed both her hands against her mouth and was watching. Goosebumps covered her arms and sent shivers down her spine. He was beautiful. Painfully beautiful. And there was something bittersweet about this image, the angel holding the crying girl.

"You're a draconian," Hitomi whispered, afraid that her words, her mere breath, would shatter the reflection of a dream in front of her. "I thought your kind had been extinguished completely."

Or so printed history spoke. She had read it in the books like every other child at school had. She had heard the stories told by wrinkled lips. With awe, they spoke of the rise of the being that was thought to resemble perfection. And with contempt, they spoke of the downfall that proved the greatest fallacy of perfection was perfection itself.

He looked up at her and his eyes held the answer to every question that was on her mind but she couldn't read them, too confused, too scared. "Obviously not."

Her gaze roamed over his entire being, yearning to carve the image forever into her memory. "Are there more?"

"I only know of one more." His voice was gentle and soothing like his hand on Merle's cheek. When he shifted to allow Merle to hide in his embrace his wings moved gracefully with the motion, weightlessly as if they were made of children's wishes. She thought she had seen real beauty, now she knew she hadn't up to this moment. "My brother."

"Who...?"

She couldn't finish the sentence, the words lost in a turmoil of thoughts, one forgotten as soon as it flashed through her mind for the next one had already covered it. However, she didn't need to finish it. He knew what she wanted to know, he could read it written across her features. "My mother."

Hitomi nodded, her eyes darting back and forth between Merle, his eyes and the wings. "And Merle?"

"I don't know. She has never shown any sign and I remember that my wings grew the first time when I was four years old." There was a wistful smile lurking at the corner of his mouth, one that knew of times when everything had been different and when he hadn't even known what future had in store for him.

She didn't know why he was answering her every question. "Does anyone know?"

Van ran his long fingers softly through Merle's hair, his eyes distant when he looked at the floor. "Apart from my father, only Millerna and Dryden. I don't know if Folken told anybody."

She saw Merle shake. He saw her fingers tremble. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know." Van slowly folded his wings so that Merle could reach out and touch them. "It doesn't happen often that she has an attack that bad but the wings somehow calm her. Hitomi, why are you here?"

Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, Hitomi watched him. Watched him caressing Merle's hair, watched him breathing slowly, watched him watching her. She had already wondered when he would ask. "I wanted to make sure you're alright. I wanted to see you."

"Are you sure? Is this what you want? Could you handle it?" His questions made her lose her balance, sending her reasoning stumbling. Looking into his eyes, she found shaded solemnity and auburn apprehension, nothing that would have helped to clear her confusion.

"Van..."

"It is not easy, Hitomi. It is not like the life you were living before. It isn't even close to it. It involves a lot of restrictions und renunciation." He sounded so sure, so serious. As if he wanted her to leave.

Anger briefly flared inside her and a side of her awakened she had wanted to send to sleep forever. "So, I'm a spoiled brat who can't deal with responsibility?" Defiance. Unasked for.

Van did not avert his gaze, his eyes speaking all that his words did not. "That's not what I said."

She faltered, knowing she was being childish, knowing he was right, feeling ashamed. An apology died on her lips when she decided that she shouldn't say any more, shouldn't stay any longer. If she did, she wouldn't be able to leave after all. "You have a life of your own, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Dark brows knitted and cast even more shadows across his eyes, his wings moving softly with the gentle rise and fall of his back.

Hitomi inhaled deeply, trying to soothe her wildly beating heart. That was something she had always wanted to tell him but had never had the courage to do. She had never criticised him before. She had known things would change. Had he? "Every decision you make or don't make is linked with Merle in one way or another. But she won't always be there. She will need help but she will have a life of her own. You're not meant to be by her side every minute until the end of your life. You're not forced to be a martyr."

His eyes were still on her and it didn't help her nervousness at all. "What's that got to do with us?"

"It's okay to be selfish every once in a while. Ask Merle, she doesn't mind." He lacked the selfishness she overdid. What an odd couple they made. "I don't suppose you've been reading any gossip lately. I announced my divorce."

The expression in his eyes changed from confusion to surprise. He obviously had not expected that. "Hitomi, I'm –

She had prepared for both situations. She would have stayed if he had asked her to. She would go if he wanted her to. He hadn't asked either of it, she would make the decision. She knew they both needed time to adapt to the new situation or at least, that was what she was making herself believe. "Don't apologize. You've been honest, that's all. I'm gonna take a break, go on vacation and start something new I guess. Maybe I'll find something I can do apart from music. You said I could. I won't be bothering you any longer."

"Wait." Wrong word. Again. Like so many other times before.

Stay. _Say it! Say it!_

She stopped on the doorstep but didn't turn around. One part of her begged her to stay, wanted to seek shelter in the arms of the angel and another part told her not to turn around and leave. She had listened to the former and it hadn't done her any good. She would try the latter.

Her green eyes were trained on the violin case that was resting against the shelf beside the door and she knew she would miss his music, would miss his voice, would miss him. "That's what you wanted, isn't it? Goodbye."

She briefly braced her right hand against the doorframe when she left the room and Van noticed that there was no wedding band on her finger. He called out after her and she wished she hadn't heard his words.

"What are you running away from?"

* * *


	7. Finding

**Seven. Finding **

Sometimes, a small thing was enough to make plans turn out differently, to turn a situation unexpected, to change a life completely. Sometimes, the flap of a butterfly's wings was enough. A slight stir in the air. A faint tune.

Hitomi kicked open the door to Yukari's apartment. The air inside was warm and smelled slightly old and dry, like a piece of clothing that spent its entire life in the closet without ever being used. Yukari had more or less moved in at Amano's, meaning that her apartment was abandoned most of the time.

With a loud thud that sounded like a relieved sigh, Hitomi's luggage hit the tiles when she dropped it. Rotating her arms, she made her way to the windows and a gust of wind hit her in the face and made her squint when she opened it. Carrying the noise of car engines and conversations up from the street below, it smelled of warm asphalt, warm leaves, warm earth, warm clothes, it smelled of sun.

She was one and half a day late, tired and exhausted but she felt good. Her skin had a slight tan from being in the sun for so long, her eyes, despite the tiredness, were glowing brightly, the intense green a stark contrast to her skin. And there was a tiny smile constantly lurking at the corners of her lips. It wasn't one of those smiles she always plastered on for the press; this one was genuine.

She had spent four weeks at the back of beyond, without mobile phones and television. Four weeks alone. Four weeks to put some distance between herself and the events that had taken place, distance between herself and her feelings. Four weeks to think. Four weeks to decide.

Somehow she had dreaded the meeting with her parents the most. She had been afraid of disappointing them, of admitting she had been lying, of admitting she had failed, of admitting that in some way they had been right. She had been afraid of cold silence and of judgment.

She had been surprised at how easy it had turned out to be and it had given her strength. The support of her family was like a confirmation she had not thought she needed, the confirmation that yes, it was okay. She had known everything would be okay.

Outside, the light was gentle, wrapping the buildings in a lose embrace and brushing against glass façades with golden fingers. The breath of the city was caught around the tops of the multi-story buildings, glowing under the soft caress of the light. Life was flowing through a net of veins, pulsing with excitement. She could feel the vibrations in her fingertips. The city was waking from hibernation, blinking against the sunlight and letting the warmth tickle the darkest corners.

Reaching into a pocket of her jeans, she found the slightly wrinkled wrapping of a chocolate she had eaten on the flight. Absently, she began folding a paper dragonfly out of the wrapping, her fingers skillfully shaping the paper, the action carried out so many times before that she didn't need to look at her hands anymore.

Her grandma had showed her how to breathe life into a piece of paper. She connected so many things with the times she had been watching in awe how her grandmother created magic with her fingers. Her entire childhood was resting in her palm, trapped within the sparkling silver folds of the wrapping.

Placing the dragonfly on the window sill and turning away from the open window, Hitomi caught her reflection in the smooth glass and her lips turned up in a lop-sided smile. Her hair had grown quite a lot and running her hand through the honey-coloured strands, she found she needed a haircut.

On the table in the kitchen was a note by Yukari, her mail and her mobile. The sheet of paper rustled between her fingers when she picked it up. It looked as if someone had tried to drown it in some sticky substance.

_Hello, oh admired friend of mine,_

_I welcome you to my humble apartment. Make yourself at home, it's all yours, including the dust on the shelves, the unmade bed, the vacuum cleaner that doesn't work, the dirty dishes, the empty fridge and the gigantic spider in the bathroom. If you're bored, you could tidy up a bit...I didn't bother to. It's only you, after all :P Your stuff is on the table. Give me a call when you're done reading this. Imagine that I'm enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug._

_Worship the ground I'm walking on,_

_Your Mistress and Soon-To-Be-Ruler-Of-The-World_

_P.S. Do not open the closet beside the window in the bedroom! I repeat, do not open the closet beside the window in the bedroom! You could receive serious bodily harm. Noticed that all my stuff is gone? Well, guess where it went..._

Hitomi grinned but only got a busy signal when she called her friend. They had spoken briefly on the phone when Hitomi had been in the airport but had only discussed pressing matters, like Hitomi getting a new flight. There was still so much to tell, so much to plan.

Her fingers were itching for something to do, so she decided to open her mail. She hardly got mail. One reason was that she was never in the same place for long, the other reason was that only a few people knew her "permanent" address.

She reached for the two envelopes on the table. The first letter was from her brother and she decided to read it later when she would have made it to the couch while sipping a coffee. The second letter didn't have a sender. Nor a stamp. She frowned. Yukari wouldn't leave her any dubious mail, would she?

The paper softly brushed her skin when she tore open the envelope, the noise disturbing the silence. She didn't like that noise. It was definite. Irreversible. Something done that couldn't be revoked. Something destroyed that couldn't be restored.

A photo fell into her palm. A heartbeat passed. Memories flashed through her mind.

Hitomi stared. She remembered everything about the moment the photo had been taken. It was the day she had explored Fanelia together with Van. He had led her to the small gallery beneath the bridge and she had met Millerna for the first time. It had smelled of paint and coconut and she had felt the warmth of the room prickle on her skin.

She had been angry and frustrated until she had met Van that day. She had been restless and undecided until he had invited her out for a walk. And in the gallery she had finally been overcome by a peace she had not known she was craving until it had calmed her. It was a quiet, faint and gentle feeling, yet strong enough to extinguish her anger, a feeling like a lullaby for her troubled soul.

She had been leafing through Millerna's sketches of Van when she noticed the image that was visible on the photograph. It showed Van standing in front of the painting of the angel. He was hiding the figure, making it seem as if the wings were growing from his own back. Now, she knew that it really were his wings. Now, everything made sense. The painted angel who looked so familiar. The feather she had found in his apartment.

Millerna was gifted beyond words. The photo had captured a wonderful moment. Van was looking at a painting, lost in his thoughts, a secretive smile at the corners of his lips. It was a black and white photo that emphasized the contrast between Van's dark hair and clothes and his lighter skin and the pure white of the wings. It perfectly portrayed the atmosphere, a serene grace mingling with calm strength, giving Van a majestic air. It was the way he was, forever stored. It was a heartbeat frozen in time. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Van.

The mere thought of him sparked a turmoil of feelings inside her. She had missed him. She had missed everything about him like she had expected she would. She had known him for hardly three weeks, yet the impact he had had on her was all the more intense. He had left pieces of himself in her life like foot prints on a sandy beach.

She wondered how he was. What he was doing. A month had passed since she had announced her divorce. She had broken a contract. Again. But this time was different. She knew it was the last time and she would clean up the mess herself. She had given interviews, had confronted Allen's lawyers. Things had calmed down now.

She wondered if he was still in Adon with his brother. Or if he was back in Fanelia. She wondered if his life had gone back to normal, back to how it was before they had met. She wondered if he thought of her at all, wondered if he wanted her to be on his mind or not, wondered if he wanted to remember her, wondered if he had moved on. She wondered if he missed her the way she missed him.

He was like chocolate or cheese cake. Like a bungee jump. He was like a kiss in the rain. You don't know what you miss out until you experience it. She knew that if she had never met Van, she would still be fine. She knew she could live without him. And she also knew that she didn't want to be without him.

She had thought a lot about their situation, about what had happened between them, about what they had been about to start. She had come to the conclusion that things had happened too fast. The divorce hadn't even been through yet and she was diving head first into a new relationship. It had been bound to go wrong. But she had also come to the conclusion that she wanted Van to be a part of her life.

He was her melody, her song.

Her fingertips brushed softly across the smooth surface of the photo when the doorbell rang, making her hand still. She blinked as if waking from a daze. Frowning, she left the kitchen and pulled the door slowly shut behind her in order to hide the little mess she had caused.

"Who is this?" Head slightly tilted towards the door, eyes directed to the ground, she was listening attentively to the noises beyond the door.

A brief silence during which she could hear the ticking of the wall clock behind her, then, "Hello, oh beloved ex-wife of mine." The grin in his voice was ever so audible.

Utter surprise spread across her features, however, a slight hue of annoyance pooled around the bridge of her nose. Opening the door she found her former husband standing in the hallway, as confident as she remembered him, his lips twitching with mischief.

"Allen?" Why was he here?

"The one and only." He stretched out his arm and softly but determinedly pushed open the door. With a long stride he passed by a baffled Hitomi and entered the apartment.

Hitomi's eyes darkened and she closed the door behind him. "Why don't you come in?" Sarcasm, the essence of her words.

Allen turned to face her and flashed a brilliant smile. It was one of those smiles she had fallen for, one of those smiles that had enchanted her, warmed her. Now she couldn't feel anything. "Thank you very much."

He was still grinning when he watched her, his dazzling blue eyes searching her, testing her. She held his intense gaze and crossed her arms provocatively in front of her chest. "How do you know?"

The grin never left his face. "Yukari."

Hitomi was hardly able to stop an irritated sigh from passing her lips. She knew that his one word answers were supposed to spark her curiosity, to make her ask him to elaborate. He knew she hated when he did that. "What do you want?"

A dry chuckle. "Congratulate you on that stunt you pulled. I'm impressed. Didn't think you had it in you. And you didn't leave me time to congratulate you right away for you decided to disappear from the face of the earth for an entire month."

"That's it?" Hitomi unfolded her arms. Somehow she didn't want him to be there, didn't want him to talk to her, to tease her. Not now. "Thank you. There's the door."

A slight nod towards the door. A faint smile.

"I don't want to hate you, Hitomi."

And just like that he had managed to catch her completely off-guard once again. It was as if he was able to take all the air out of her lungs and render her speechless with just a few words.

Hitomi blinked and averted her eyes. She could deal with Allen's spite and mockery but she could not deal with the sincerity she found in his features that very moment. It made her see a side of Allen she could not despise and it made her feel guilty because, yes, there had been times when she had wanted to hate him. "Do you want something to drink?"

"I'd like that." He handed her an offer, not a sarcastic remark.

Without looking at him, Hitomi walked past Allen into the kitchen. She knew the place for she had been in the apartment quite some times before. The cups clinked in the silence when she took them out of the cupboard.

"When did you arrive?" Allen's eyes were roaming over her luggage on the ground and the pieces of clothing she had dropped on the counter, then resting on her.

"15 minutes ago."

She tried to ignore his stare and concentrated on preparing two café latte with Yukari's espresso machine. Hot air streamed noisily into one of the mugs after she had pressed a few buttons and she enjoyed the sound that was drowning the silence. The machine was busily working and soon the smell of coffee was filling her nostrils. She inhaled deeply the beloved scent and it calmed her, reminding her of the innumerable nights she had spent talking over a cup of coffee with Yukari, reminded her of comfort and friendship.

The mug was filled up with steamed milk and she watched the colors turning and twisting until they melted into one another. "I don't want to hate you either."

She didn't want to hate him. She didn't want to love him. She had to find something in between, one of the numerous hues that defined a relationship between love and hate, an interstitial space.

Turning to face Allen, she handed him one of the mugs. His smile was tentative. Maybe for the first time since their drifting apart he was feeling insecure. Maybe for the first time he was admitting that he did not want to lose her completely.

"Isn't it fascinating that not so long ago we were head over heals in love with each other? And now we're agreeing not to hate one another." He took a sip of his café latte.

"You're repeating yourself. You already said that when we met in the house by the beach." Hitomi didn't know what he was trying to get at and she felt wary.

"Hmm, so you do remember then. And do you also remember that you avoided replying just like you did now?" For a brief moment his eyes sparkled in that challenging way she knew so well.

Had she really avoided the question? "What do you want to know?"

"Were you afraid I came to destroy everything, came to meddle with the new plans you probably made while you were gone?"

She frowned. "No. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't be able to because I do not allow you to meddle with me. Not anymore."

Allen knew exactly what he wanted her to say and he was steering her expertly to that one answer with a big, knowing smile on his face. It was what she had always envied him for. He could manipulate people in whichever way he wanted. "Then why the hostility?"

In some way, she wanted this conversation to end. In another way, she wanted to clear things with Allen. "At the moment, there are more pressing matters than you, Allen."

"And what would that be? Violinist boy?"

She blushed hard, heat pooling in her cheeks and she hated herself for showing her emotions so clearly. He didn't need to know any more of her weaknesses. He already knew enough, knew too many.

His grin reached from one ear to the other and she could hear the fridge hum in the silence Allen had created. "Jackpot."

"Look, Allen, this is none of your business." Hitomi took a deep breath. She wanted to get along with Allen, or at least, she didn't want to rip his head off and he wasn't exactly making it easy for her. "Why do you want to know anyway? Are you jealous?"

He gave a short bark of laughter. "Oh, Hitomi, you of all people should know that I'm not jealous. Believe it or not, I just want to help you."

A gurgling noise caught in her throat. "Allen, you've been a total jerk these last months. Why do you suddenly care?"

"Hitomi, we've been married for quite a while and I really loved you at that time. I did, Hitomi, with all my heart." She believed him. She believed him because she knew exactly what he meant, the memory of her former feelings stored away like photos in an album.

Allen gave a lop-sided, guilty smile. "I know how these things can change and well, I guess I just wanted to tell you to be careful."

"Why now?"

Reaching up, he ran a long-fingered hand through his hair, a tint of embarrassment on his cheeks. "Ah, someone talked some sense into that thick skull of mine." Hitomi frowned and Allen rolled his eyes, impatiently. "Kristen said that lately I had been a bit tense because of you and to draw that final line I could either sleep with you or have a proper talk with you. She didn't fancy the former option, so, here I am talking."

She struggled hard with a grin that was trying to break free and it made her lips twitch. She couldn't believe that woman had him whipped. "You're here because your girlfriend told you to do so?"

There was a flash of annoyance in his eyes. He briefly averted his gaze before he replied and she knew she was right. "Hitomi, I don't do things I don't want to do, okay?"

Of course. An amused grin parted her lips and she decided to let him be. She could gloat inwardly as much as she wanted. "So, this is the best I can get for a truce?"

"Yep."

Take a deep breath. "Fine."

Exhale. "Well?"

Hitomi brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and stared out of the window as if the answer to her every question was there, trapped within the clear spring air, floating weightlessly above the city. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. "I'm not going to dive headfirst into something I'm not a hundred percent sure about."

She had made that decision during the vacation from her life. It had bloomed right after things had spun out of control, right after she had noticed it wouldn't work this way. She had tossed and twisted the idea in her mind a million times. But she hadn't told anybody about it up to that moment and now that she had actually voiced that thought it sounded good to her, it sounded worth a try. And it made her smile.

"So, you're sure about him?" Somehow, he sounded doubtful.

Hitomi blinked and looked up at him. "No, I'm not which is why I won't rush things again. I've got time, I guess."

Allen looked her in the eye, searching something she wasn't sure he found, wasn't sure he wanted to find. "Good luck."

"Thank you."

A brief nod, a faint smile, the door clicking softly shut and he was gone.

So, this was it. The end of three years of marriage, one year of fighting, a shared, unprecedented career. No goodbye, no farewell. She knew she hadn't seen the last of him.

Hitomi stared at the spot he had just occupied and exhaled. She felt relieved. Not because he was gone but because of what he had taken with him. Guilt and anger and unsaid questions. There were still things left to be settled but they could wait. This time.

She went to the table at the other side of the room where she had left her mail. Looking at the photo, a smile started to grow at the corners of Hitomi's lips. Her eyes widened slightly when she turned it over in her hands and found a few words in clear, beautifully swung handwriting scrawled over its back.

_Dryden and I, we are missing you. And Van does, too. Millerna_

Casting a glance at her watch, she found that it wasn't even noon. She could get the next flight to Fanelia if she wanted.

Keys jingled and the noise of her footsteps bounced across the kitchen floor when she gathered her belongings. Her wallet. Her mobile. A jacket. Hope and courage.

When Hitomi opened the door and stepped into the hallway, a draught awoke in the apartment and fled to the window she had left open, stumbling over a forgotten book and ruffling the pages in its haste. The paper dragonfly rocked gently back and forth on the window sill, testing its fragile wings before rising weightlessly and gliding outside. It twinkled in the bright sunlight, carrying dreams and memories into the early morning.

* * *

It was one of those days. One of those days when you get up in the morning and you just know everything will go wrong no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try.

Van Fanel knew it when he woke up to sunlight tickling his eyelids instead of the blearing noise of his alarm clock. He knew it when he found he had overslept. He knew it when he hit his foot at the closet and almost broke the entire set of his left foot's toes. He knew it when he noticed they had run out of milk, cornflakes and every other thing that could have substituted for breakfast.

He stood leaning against the counter in the kitchen of his small apartment, a hand fisted in his ruffled hair. It was when he noticed the silence in the apartment. The only noise he could hear was his own breathing. Merle was standing perfectly still by the door, wearing her shoes and jacket and holding her little backpack in her small hands. They should have left more than an hour ago.

Smiling, he kneeled down beside the cat-girl and rubbed her ears gently between his thumb and index finger. Sometimes, he would get a headache because of her screaming and other times she was so quiet he almost forgot she was there. Sometimes, she would hit him and bite him and other times she would curl up in his lap and allow him to hold her. Sometimes, she would ignore him and other times her eyes would meet his, a faint smile curving her lips and he would cherish the moment, treasuring the memory and locking it safely within his mind.

Merle was his walking contradiction. She was his soft spot and his best friend, she was his greatest weakness and his greatest strength. She would show him the boundaries of his patience and she would reward him for going so far. She would bring him to the edge, she would make him see the abyss beneath his feet and then she would stretch out her small hand and grasp his, leading him away from his downfall.

"Merle, why didn't you wake me up?" His voice was soft, the smile that turned up the corners of his lips audible in every word. Sunlight danced in his tired eyes like reflections across the surface of a lake.

A noise of disapproval left Merle's lips and twitching her ears, she tried to get rid of Van's hand on her head. Her gaze briefly brushed his, acknowledging his presence. "We must leave now," she murmured, her eyes fixed on the door again. "You shouldn't have slept for so long."

"You're absolutely right. Give me five minutes." He wanted to feel at least a bit human, even if it just meant brushing his teeth. Van planted a kiss on top of Merle's head and disappeared briefly into the bathroom.

When they stepped out on the sidewalk ten minutes later and the brisk morning air hit him squarely in the face, he felt finally awake. Merle's small, warm hand was safely tugged in his large one and he led her to the metro station, the cat-girl taking two steps when he took one.

"Are you looking forward to meeting your friends?" Van looked down at Merle's pink head, her hair flying in the breeze. She was walking stiffly beside him, her free hand fisted at her side and her head slightly inclined with her gaze directed to the ground. She looked like a pouting child.

"No." Her reply was blunt, her tone almost accusing and he had to suppress his grin. He knew what was coming next and he knew she was blaming him. "They annoy me. And Ms. Megan, too. She always force me to play with them but I don't like them."

Van squeezed her hand and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I don't believe you."

"I don't like them," Merle insisted and he chuckled. His hand tightened around her one when she tried to wind out of his grasp.

"Quite talkative today, aren't we." Glancing at her, he found her head turned away from him and he allowed his grin to spread fully across his features.

A breath of warm, used air was welcoming them when they descended the stairs to the metro station, the familiar draft that reigned Fanelia's metro labyrinth caught in their hair. The voices of people talking echoed around them and the sound of their footsteps reverberated from the tiled walls that were plastered with advertisement. It was a puzzle of impressions and Van knew it by heart because it made up his every morning.

Every morning from Monday to Friday they went that same way to that same metro station. And every day, everything was the same. Noises, scents, advertisements and faces changed but there always were noises, scents, advertisements and faces along the way. To him it seemed that the only thing that would change every day were Merle and himself.

His surroundings, on the other hand, were like the ticking of the wall clock in his apartment, something that he had grown so used to that he didn't hear it anymore. Van couldn't remember when he had stopped noticing what was around him on the way to Merle's daycare.

The buzz of the conversations was almost deafening when they left the hallway and stepped out onto the line 4 platform. People were filling almost the entire waiting area, laughing, discussing, arguing, the majority in their early twenties – students of the University of Fanelia.

This was the hardest part of their trip; the people. There were so many of them, too many. Merle noticed as well and he felt her growing more and more rigid with every step they took. Van began talking to her like he did all the time when she started to panic, hoping his voice would suffice in calming her.

Time seemed to slow down around him, images flashing in front of his eyes, captured moments from a hundred different lives. A joke. An animated conversation. A flirtatious smile. Leafing through the notes for the first class. Carefree. The biggest worry the upcoming exam.

He was watching, feeling under his fingertips the transparent barrier of one decision shielding him from a hundred different possibilities of how it could have been, of how it was not. But it was okay. It would always be okay.

On the train, a young woman, maybe four years his minor, offered her seat to Merle. Van smiled gratefully and sat the complaining cat-girl down, standing in front of her so that he was shielding her from the talking crowd. She slung her arms around his waist and rested her head against his stomach. He patted her head and felt his stomach growling, remembering that he still hadn't had any breakfast yet. He had forgotten just how hungry he was. He never left his apartment without a proper breakfast.

"You're hungry," Merle commented and he chuckled dryly. "Your tummy just told me."

"Oh yeah, I am." His fingers tangled in her light, soft, tresses and she let him be. "How about you?"

"Not hungry."

Van felt her slightly relax while she was clinging to his waist in an attempt to hide from the world. Almost automatically, he continued talking about her drawings, about dinner, about everything and nothing at all, knowing it would calm her. Knowing it would calm him.

He caught the reflection of Merle and himself in the stained train window, translucent like tears and transitory like a smile. They seemed frozen in comparison to the noisy crowd surging against them. Time was passing him by and he had stopped, just for this moment, watching, remembering, waiting. Waiting, for what?

Things would change. Again. They always had.

Every now and then the train would reach another station, the interior of the wagon filling with bright artificial light, the blaring of announcements coming from the loudspeakers outside, new people with the smell of cigarettes following in their wake, new possibilities.

At the fifth stop, the students were getting off, still laughing, talking, reading, and shoving past him. In a few months the two of them would get off two stations later and he would bring Merle to her school before going to college himself. And then, some day, she wouldn't need him to bring her to school anymore. Maybe by then, she didn't _want_ him to bring her to school anymore.

She was growing up and he noticed that he was afraid of it. For these last six years Merle had always been there with him, always. They had shared the few square meters they called their home, had shared food and laughter and tears. He had grown so used to it. He knew she wouldn't be gone within the blink of an eye and he knew that she would never be gone completely, however she would be more independent.

There was nothing he wished her more than her independence, her own life, her own decisions, her own mistakes. But a part of him would always worry, would always miss her.

A computer generated voice announcing their stop startled Van out of his thoughts. He blinked, slightly confused, as if he had been sleeping. There was a soft tug at his leg and when he looked down he found that Merle had already slid off of her seat and was now standing beside him, a small hand fisted in the fabric of his jeans.

They were washed out of the wagon and onto the platform like driftwood upon a shore with a tidal wave, the noise of a thousand words fading in the hallways like the sound of the surf. Everything was the same and it would be for a little while longer.

"I don't like them," Merle murmured against Van's jacket when they neared the daycare and he chuckled, patting her head.

"You already said that."

There was a moment of silence when Merle thought about a reply. "I know. Don't forget I told you."

When they reached the daycare, they parted at the front door, always the same. The same warm, welcoming smile, same quiet, muffled noises from inside, same scent of cold breakfast and children.

"The school."

It was a statement, not a question. She always came to his school even if he wasn't rehearsing with his choir. He would wait for her, he would watch her go on with her ritual, he would smile. As long as she was okay, he was okay.

He kissed the top of her head. "Of course. Bye, little one."

Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his pants, Van stepped onto the sidewalk again, sunlight bathing his features. He steered towards the first coffee shop he sniffed in the air and got himself a coffee and breakfast. He chose to ignore the fact that it was already eleven and that he was going to meet his brother at twelve for lunch.

It was odd. One month ago, he hadn't even known where his brother was or what he was doing and now they had been meeting on a regular basis for these last weeks. Not that he didn't like it, it was just odd. Somehow, it seemed unreal and Van dreaded the moment he would wake up and Folken would be gone again, without a note, without saying goodbye.

Their family had broken apart more than ten years ago. And even though Van had been a lot younger then, he had known that the moment Folken had left the house, the moment the door had been so violently slammed shut behind him, nothing would be the same anymore.

During these last times he had met Folken, there had been moments when it had almost seemed as if nothing of that had ever happened, as if the door had never been slammed shut that day. Almost.

Folken was already there, seated outside the restaurant, waiting. A newspaper was folded on the table, casting the tablecloth in shadows. The metal of his artificial arm was glinting in the sunlight, sending blurred reflections dancing across the pavement. He reminded Van of the times before his parents got the divorce, the times when they had lived in the same house, the times when they had laughed about the same things. Folken had left when things got out of control. He wondered if Folken remembered these times as well when looking at him.

As if sensing him, Folken looked up when Van was approaching the table. A slow smile spread across his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. It was like a promise. "You've looked better."

Van sat down across the table, the chair scratching over the pavement. He ran a hand through his hair, knowing it looked more disheveled than usual. "Gee, thanks, brother. Good to see you, too."

"Someone's gotten out of bed with the wrong foot, I guess." Folken put down his newspaper and seriousness replaced the laughter in his eyes when he noticed Van's scowl. "You alright?"

"Yes, I am." Van sighed and dropping his head on the backrest of the chair, he closed his eyes, his eyelashes casting feathery shadows across his cheek. "I overslept, no major disaster, don't worry."

"Okay." The newspaper whispered when Folken proceeded to stow it away in his briefcase and Van could feel his eyes on him. "Do you want to order? I just did."

"No thanks, I just had breakfast." The sun was warming his skin and he heard the noises from the street, engines, footsteps, people talking. He heard plates clinking, cutlery, glasses. He heard his brother's silence.

Van rolled the words in his mouth and they tasted old, used, chewed so often that the flavor had worn out. It had become bitter but familiar, the words tasted of cowardice. He had wanted to ask this for a long time. He should have asked a long time ago but he had feared rejection, feared that if he asked that question, they would grow even more apart.

They had drifted apart even without him asking and they were both to blame for it. Folken had hardly ever called but Van hadn't been any better. If he had really tried, he would have found his brother.

With a grunt, Van straightened in his chair and opened his eyes. They were clear and dark when he looked at Folken, like the air before a thunderstorm. "Are you going to stay in Adon? For good?"

The question caught Folken off guard. He hadn't expected that. They had talked about his life, his job, all kinds of stuff he had been doing while they had lived apart. But they had never talked about future plans. Why now? "I don't know."

Something flashed briefly in Van's eyes and Folken thought it was anger but it disappeared before he could be sure. The surprise that had shown on Folken's features was like a mirror, letting Van know that his emotions were showing. He was angry. He was angry at Folken for being undecided, for being afraid of commitment, for being about to back out and he was angry at himself for letting it happen.

Their family had broken apart because they had been too proud to say sorry, too proud to say they needed help. "If you do stay, I would ask you to become a part of Merle's life. You're her brother as well. It would be good for her and for me. I told you I want to start college in autumn and Merle needs to have more people around her. It's not good that she's focusing so much on me."

Van was honest, his words cutting Folken where it really hurt. Van wasn't accusing him, wasn't reproaching but he was right with everything he said. Folken had known it all this time and yet he had never done anything. Maybe because that was the one thing he was afraid of: making mistakes. And yet he had made so many.

They were staring at each other and the silence seemed to stretch until it was unbearable to maintain any longer, painful even, the words unsaid too strong. His arms started shaking under the weight. "Van..."

"What, Folken?" His voice rumbled like distant thunder, deep and quiet and powerful. "This isn't rocket science. All I want from you is a simple yes or no."

The sunshine and laughter that was filling the air did not reach them. It pattered against their tension like rain against a window, not a single drop of warmth reaching them. "It's not simple, Van."

His hands curled into fists on the table and he felt his temper rising, quick, hot, like burning magma ready to cause an eruption. Folken was more laid back than Van but nevertheless he would bark back if he had to and Van knew a harsh argument wouldn't get them anywhere close to what he wanted. Exhaling, he relaxed back in his chair and flexed his fingers. Only his eyes were still as hard as stone.

"The consequences of your decision are not, that's right. But the decision itself should be easy. Either you want to be a part of her life or not." Van's gaze did not waver and Folken averted his eyes. "You knew I was going to ask you sooner or later."

"Okay."

Van had become used to Folken so fast, too fast. "Okay what?"

Folken looked up and smiled, faint and unsure. "I can't promise anything, Van, but I want to try."

Van sighed and was surprised at the relief he felt. He hadn't known how much he wished his brother back in their lives, he hadn't wanted to admit it.

"That's enough." Van had offered forgiveness, again and again, and Folken had finally accepted it. "Thank you."

A disbelieving snort left Folken's lips. His brother was doing it again. "Please, do not say that. You know as much as I do that there is nothing to thank me for. I should be the one to do so. You're offering me another chance." And once again, Folken realized how little he actually knew about his brother. "Why? I never understood."

Somewhere inside the restaurant a glass shattered, shards tinkling over the tiled floor. "I was never a big fan of giving up."

"But I disappointed you!" The words sounded frustrated and almost desperate. Folken wasn't able to forgive himself for what he had not done, wasn't able to look at Merle without feeling guilty. So, why could Van? "Why are you still believing in me?"

"You did not disappoint me." The words were easy to voice, the simple truth, nothing to pretend or hide.

Folken crossed his arms in front of his chest and the sunlight that was reflected on his artificial limb briefly blinded Van, making him squint. "And you did not answer my question," Folken replied, watching his brother quietly.

Van smiled that same smile which had curled around Folken's lips earlier. The trust it showed was answer enough. Folken shook his head and looked up at the sky before adding, "This is something dad always did. He had mastered the art of diverting from a subject."

A whirlwind of emotions twisted Van's insides at the mentioning of his father. "Have you talked to him?"

Folken chuckled, his lips curled in a cynic smile. "Not in eight years. You?"

"Not since I chose to take care of Merle." Van averted his eyes, looked at the people walking by, the street, searching, finding. "But he's good. I read something in a magazine about him. He's pretty successful with his company, married again. They don't have kids though."

"I know." Van's head snapped up, surprise written all over his features. He hadn't known his brother was interested in their father's life, hadn't thought Folken capable of caring. Immediately, he felt guilty. Folken shrugged at Van's incredulous look. "Will you talk to him one day?"

"I don't know."

They were so different and yet so much alike. They didn't talk to each other, didn't even try to talk to each other. But he knew that his father was keeping track of their lives somehow, just as they did.

Folken suddenly chuckled. "If you think about it, it's pretty amazing that we didn't end up attending weekly therapy sessions with such a screwed up family background. Not exactly a good basic to develop a stable and well-balanced personality."

Van had turned away from him, yet Folken saw the grin twitching at his brother's lips. "Who says we have?"

Folken faked a hurt look. "I do and I thought you believed in me."

Van turned. Their eyes met. Understanding. "Touché."

A waiter walked into their silence, serving Folken's lunch. The scent of fish and fried vegetables filled Van's nostrils. He felt calm and somehow relieved, a feeling he hadn't had in a while. Most of the time he was just too busy to notice it. Most of the time he needed someone to remind him.

They were silent while Folken was eating, no words necessary. For the moment, they had said everything there was to be said. It wasn't a new beginning. There was no such thing. They couldn't make undone what had happened, couldn't forget it. The memories would always be there, would always remind them. It was more like a second chance, not to do it better this time but to do it differently.

Folken was watching Van, his little brother who seemed so much older than himself, who would always watch out for him. He felt guilty every time he looked at Van, knowing he had abandoned his brother, had left him alone with a broken family, had left him alone with bringing up a little girl. Such a heavy load of responsibility for shoulders so young, so inexperienced.

And yet it was okay. Van had said it was okay.

"Shit!" He dropped his fork when Van suddenly started. He was out of his seat in a second, casting a quick glance at his wrist watch. "What's the time?"

"Quarter past one. Why, did your watch break?"

"No, but I'd hoped it was. I'm late for my class." Van checked his pockets for his wallet and keys. "This just isn't my day. I should have stayed in bed."

Folken chuckled amusedly and Van cast him a glare. "Call me, Folken! If you don't, I swear I'll hunt you down!"

He grinned broadly. "See you, dearest brother."

"Soon," was all he said and Folken believed him.

Van arrived at the school where he gave afternoon choir class thirty minutes late. When he burst through the door of the secretary's office, the elder woman simply smiled at him and reassured him that his class had been taken care of.

The halls were empty when Van jogged to his classroom, the echo of his footsteps bouncing off the walls around him. He passed by class pictures, world maps, posters that told the history of the school, glass cabinets containing trophies. It still smelled of lunch. The doors along his way were closed, light filtering through a slit above the floor as well as muffled voices. Afternoon classes had already begun.

Suddenly, he stopped. The expression on his face was one of utter surprise, his mouth slightly agape. Frozen to the spot he stood, listening.

And there it was, above the soft humming of the ventilation, a melody. It was weaving gently through the air, like a scent, leaving a fragile but remarkable trail in the hallways. His breathing increased. He knew that melody.

It was _Air on a G String_ played on a flute.

As if this thought had broken his petrifaction, he tore down the hallway in search of the melody's source. It couldn't be a coincidence. He didn't want it to be one.

After Hitomi had left that day in Folken's apartment he had tried to contact her, had tried to get a hold of her somehow, in vain. Yukari told him that she had left for some kind of vacation and did not wish anybody to contact her, no exceptions made.

He had stood there, baffled, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do. And for a moment, he had thought he had lost her. His words had been harsh but he had needed her to know, he had needed her to know what would await her if she chose to stay with him. He had needed her to know that he couldn't give her a fairy-tale like the one she had lived the first years of her marriage.

It had hurt. Standing there, alone, and it had made him angry. He had explained himself to her, so, why couldn't she? He had sulked for days, angry about her and angry about himself. And it was when he had realized how strong he actually felt about her. It had never been so clear to him before and it felt as if he were spreading his wings, powerful and releasing.

He had made his decision and he would wait until Hitomi had made hers. The waiting had come to an end.

He came to a halt in the doorframe of the room where he was supposed to practice with his choir, slightly out of breath. It was more because of nervousness than because of running. His right hand tightened around the doorframe. His heart was beating strongly against his ribcage.

Hitomi was sitting on a chair, eyes closed, playing his favourite piece on a transverse flute. His pupils were gathered in a wide circle around her, watching with wide, glowing eyes.

_Could it be true  
Can life be new  
Could it be all that I am  
Is in you_

Van had thought he had missed her but seeing her there, sitting in his classroom surrounded by his pupils, seeing her so close he knew he had missed her so much more. It was as if the picture he had kept of her in his mind had faded without him noticing and now that she was there, he noticed that the colours were more intense, that the air around her was more vibrant, that her smile was brighter than he remembered.

His throat closed when their eyes met. He did not know her decision but he knew he would change her mind if necessary. He would not let her walk out of his life again.

The room seemed to shrink, the children vanished, colours blurred when she stood up and walked towards him. He fisted his hands to stop them from shaking and he tried to concentrate on his breathing so to calm down his erratic heartbeat. He was too busy staring at her that he didn't notice that her knuckles were turning white while tightly gripping her transverse flute.

Hitomi had prepared her little speech, had practiced it in her mind uncountable times so that she knew the words by heart. But when she spotted him standing in the doorframe, breathing hard, cheeks flushed, all thoughts had left her mind like dry leaves in an autumn storm, twisted and turned before being blown out of sight. She had completely underestimated the impact he had on her. His mere presence was enough to make her heart jump.

She felt like a sixteen year old with her first real crush. She had almost forgotten how it felt. Heavily beating heart. Flushed cheeks. Sweaty hands gripping her flute.

"Hey." Soft, slightly rough and cautious, like a shy, tender caress by calloused hands. She had missed his voice.

Sprinkled with shimmering dust from the wings of a butterfly, the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. "Hi."

His eyes were intense, a deep burgundy searching her, diving into her soul, trying to read her very thoughts. She felt stripped, naked, bared and heat was flooding her cheeks. She was about to lose herself in his eyes, drowning in a maroon sea, when he suddenly broke their eye contact.

She exhaled.

"Hey, guys, please excuse us for a moment. I'll be right --"

"No, it's okay." Hitomi interrupted him quietly, hardly able to stop herself from touching his arm. "This will need a bit longer. Finish your class, I'll wait here. Do you have time after your class?"

"Yeah." His voice was hushed and it sounded even softer.

She brushed a strand of hair out of her forehead although it wasn't even bothering her, just so she would busy her hand. "Okay, I'll be here."

"Okay." So, he had to wait a few minutes longer to hear her answer. He knew he would be okay.

She nodded briefly and slid past him out of the room, the scent of jasmine following her, fluttering like a veil in the wind. Van turned around but she had already closed the door behind her. He hadn't even heard it.

* * *

A class period could be a very long time. Hitomi was alone with her doubts. In her mind she went through a hundred possibilities of how the conversation could go off, should go off, should not go off. She was pacing up and down the hallway, kneading her flute. After ten minutes she was ready to tear her hair out.

She sat down on a bench and tucking her hands under her thighs, she stared into space, her flute lying calmly beside her. It was difficult not to think. She was nervous.

The school bell suddenly startled her out of her thoughts and merely a second later the doors along the hallway opened, clearing the way for a noisy crowd. A tidal wave of pupils washed down the hallway, little mouths chatting, laughing, arguing, their voices mixing until Hitomi could hardly make out conversations. Lockers banged shut, books fell to the ground, the sound of youth slowly dissolved in the hallways.

Hitomi watched everything with a smile on her face, remembering the time when she was that age. At that moment it seemed like a life-time away.

Some young girls were staring at her when passing her by and one of the teachers bumped into a group of chatting pupils for her eyes had been glued to Hitomi sitting on the bench. They recognized her from magazines and concerts and from innumerable TV shows. Hitomi, however, did not notice.

Her eyes focused on the room where Van had given his class and she rose slowly when he stepped into the hallway, hands buried in the pockets of his pants. She tried hard not to concentrate on the way he was moving, the way he was watching her, the way he slightly inclined his head, the way he made her feel.

Before silence could wrap itself tightly around them like a blanket, before she could lose herself again, she reached out and grabbed his hand, shaking it. "Mr. Fanel, nice to meet you. My name is Hitomi Kanzaki and I'm the soon-to-be president of the yet still to found Kanzaki Foundation." Confusion clouded his eyes. It was hard to ignore the warmth of his hand while it was resting between her ones.

"I'm here to ask if you're interested in partaking in a benefit concert. We're gathering money to support music therapy and music classes for physically challenged people."

A smile grew at the corners of his lips and slowly spread across his face. "So, you've found what you were searching for."

Hitomi marvelled at how easily he found words for the feeling she hadn't been able to describe to herself. His hand was still resting in her palm, warm and calm. "Yeah, I did and I even found something I did not know I was searching for."

"What happened?"

One simple question and yet it meant so much. Decisions. Changes.

"Come on, let's sit." She tugged at his hand and led him to the bench she had been sitting on before. Allowing his hand to slip out of her grasp, she sat down.

She was quiet, clasping her hands together, something missing between them. Turning her head away from him, Hitomi stared down the hallway. "I was right, you know. I cannot do anything apart from music. I tried to think of so many things to do, anything, but nothing seemed to fit. I was really frustrated at that point, ready to tear my hair out."

She had been at a point when she had wanted to throw it all away, just give up. Nothing had seemed worth fighting for. She had wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else that she was more than what she had been on the stage and on the title pages of various magazines. She had wanted to prove that she could be something else, someone else. She had failed at that but she had succeeded in realizing that music was a part of her, it had always been. And she knew that if she would ban it from her life, a part of her would die.

Hitomi turned to face Van and found him listening attentively, resting his back against the wall behind him. She couldn't read his features. "And then, I realized I could do everything with music. And I want to do everything with music. But most of all I want to teach music, so that everyone can have the opportunity to find what I did in music. Does that sound good?"

Van chuckled. She didn't need his approval and he knew that. She would do what her heart was telling her to do. But she wanted his opinion. "Sounds good. What made you change your mind?"

"I never changed my mind, I just needed time." The hallways were almost empty now but their voices were so quiet they didn't have any echo, the words so soft that they shattered when they hit the walls, the shards fading before they reached the ground.

Van averted his eyes and stared at the ceiling. The words prickling on his tongue meant so much more, an army of thoughts and feelings standing behind them. It was okay to tell her. She probably already knew. Their eyes met. "You know I would have never given up on you, don't you?"

A chuckle escaped her lips. "I wasn't so sure about that. I'm sorry about leaving without saying anything, without leaving a note. I simply had to do that." She grinned. "So, what do you say? About the concert, I mean."

"I'm in." But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to answer all the questions he just asked her, to clear his confusion, to calm his heartbeat. It was a shimmer of hope but nothing more. And he needed more. His clothes rustling, he bent forward and rested his elbows on his knees, giving her a sideways glance. "But what does it mean, Hitomi?"

The silk blouse she was wearing felt as if she were taking a bath, smooth, weightless, the fabric running over her skin like water. When it was sliding down her arms it was that light, tickling feeling as if she were lifting her arms out of the water. She rubbed her fingers across her lips and sighed.

"It means we started off really fast the first time and things got out of control. I don't want to make mistakes, Van. I don't want to rush things. I want to take it slowly, one step at a time."

Van ran his hands through his hair. "There is no guarantee for not making mistakes."

"I know." Yes, she did know. She just didn't want to make the _same_ mistakes again. "What do you say?"

He let out a low chuckle. "Are you going to ask me that for the rest of the day?"

"Sorry." A grin flashed across her features before she bit her lip. Why was it so hard to say it out loud? The words had probably been burned into her mind for she had mulled over them so many times. Why hesitate? This was what she wanted. This was what she was afraid to lose.

"I want this to work out, Van. I really do. I realized that even before I left."

Van turned his head and his eyes were dancing, twinkling at her from behind dark strands that had tumbled across his forehead. That was more than he had expected to get. "I'm in."

The school bell rang. Voices drifted down the hallway. The noise of shoes clicking over the tiled floor.

He straightened and ruffled his hair, grinning broadly. "I've got another class."

Hitomi read the question in his eyes, shy, yet so very clear. Her heart was beating strongly against her ribcage. This was it.

"I'll be waiting for you."

_Could it be this  
Could it be bliss  
Can it be You  
Can it be You_

* * *


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

A door banged shut. Glass shattered. A yell. Silence.

"What did that dork do now?"

Van rolled his eyes at Millerna who just glared at him in response. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he strode back towards the house, the autumn sun burning down on his back. It was warm and the feeling spread to his fingertips. The soft sound of his footsteps and Millerna's voice followed him through the door.

"Godammit, Dryden, hurry up!"

It was quiet inside the house, sunlight filtering through the windows. The scent of their lunch was hovering in the air, rich and still warm, mixing with the scent of colours on canvas.

There were paintings and photographs everywhere, piled on tables, chairs and shelves, stacked against the walls, the furniture, filling the doorways. Within these last months Millerna had been on a creativity spree, hardly able to give vent to all the ideas in her mind. He remembered the moment when Millerna had been sketching two drawings at the same time. It was when he had started doubting her sanity.

Maybe she had thought her inspiration would decrease after she gave birth to their child or that she might not have as much time for her art. Maybe the baby had given her inspiration. Whatever it was, the Fassa family had to clean up that mess, that was for sure.

Climbing over a stack of canvases, he finally reached the kitchen. He found Dryden crawling across the floor, picking up the shards of the glass he had just broken. There was blood on his hands and they were shaking.

"Dryden?" Van kneeled down beside his friend, gently touching his shoulder. He had never seen Dryden like that before, nervous, insecure and at a complete loss of control over the situation. He could barely hold back his grin.

"She needs clothes and all the other stuff women need, right? And we need something to eat, right? It'll take a while, right?" Dryden was muttering while picking up the shards.

The corners of Van's lips twitched and he carefully took the shards away from Dryden and led him to the sink to wash his hands. Dryden stared at him and it was as if he was looking through him, eyes wide. "Why did she have to start labour during lunch? It's too soon. The date was supposed to be next Monday. Is that bad? I mean --"

"Dryden, man, get a grip." The water was gushing from the faucet into Dryden's palms and Van dumped the shards in the bin. His gaze rested on the table in the living room that was covered with plates filled with food, cutlery strewn across it, dropped in a hurry, remnants of the wave of excitement Millerna had caused by suddenly springing up and exclaiming that her amniotic sac had just burst. "Everything will be okay. You're going to have a baby soon. And that crazed wife of yours needs you right now."

Dryden turned his head to look at him. "I know. This is huge, huh?"

Laughter broke from Van's lips and he clapped Dryden on the shoulder. "It definitely is. And I cannot believe you're freaking out about it! Mr. Suave all shaking. This is hilarious!"

Dryden looked at the ground and a huge smile spread across his face. "We haven't even decided for a name yet."

"If that's your biggest problem at the moment, I'd call you a lucky man, Dryden." Van felt content just by looking at his friend. They had been waiting so long, worried so much and now it was actually happening.

"I know. It's just that..." Dryden trailed off and ruffled his hair.

"Dryden, you'll be fine. You'll be a great Dad, don't worry." Van knew what was on Dryden's mind. They had often talked about it and he had always given the same advice.

He spotted Merle on the ground in the living room, drawing with her crayons, undisturbed by everything, the havoc Millerna had caused forgotten. "See, even I managed so it cannot be that hard."

He turned his head when he heard the front door being opened, the sound of soft footsteps announcing Hitomi's arrival. Her head peeked carefully around the corner and a grin flashed across her features when she met his eyes. "Van, are the two of you okay?"

Dryden had just finished wrapping his hand with some band-aid. "Everything's alright, Hitomi."

Of course, it was. It was there, in the nervous shaking of his hands, in the smile on his face and in the glow of his eyes. "You'll be fine."

"I know." Dryden's gaze swept over the abandoned food on the table, the bottle of wine, a package of grape juice for Millerna. He started collecting the dishes, plates clinking when he put them in the sink. A wine glass in each hand, he suddenly stopped and turned abruptly. "Shall we?"

Hitomi and Van exchanged a smile and watched Dryden put the glasses back on the table. Following him to the front door, Van's hand almost too casually slipped into hers. She found a grin tugging at the corners of his lips when she studied his profile and squeezed his hand gently. It was warm and slightly rough.

A strong wind was tearing at their clothing and hair the moment they stepped out of the door. Van inclined his head to shield his eyes from the dirt the wind was sweeping along the sidewalk, strands of hair whipping into his face.

Sunlight was flooding the street, yellow leaves raining from yellow trees. The strong autumn wind caught them before they hit the ground, dispersing them, carrying them above the tops of the trees. It smelled of warmth and fallen leaves, smelled of autumn.

Dryden had already reached Millerna's side who was seated safely inside the ambulance. A paramedic was talking to them.

"You better go with them to the hospital." Van's voiced seemed to come from far away for the wind was tearing the words right from his lips, tossing them into the whirlwind of leaves it was chasing down the street. "Dryden needs moral support. I'll take care of Merle and Millerna's stuff."

Hitomi stopped and frowned. "But don't you want to be there when the baby will be born? I can get Merle. It's okay."

It seemed as if it had been just last week that Millerna had told him she was pregnant, that she had finally told Dryden but it had been more than seven months. And yet so much had happened within that time, so much had changed that the days before he had met Hitomi seemed like a lifetime away.

"No, go." He grinned. "It's not like Millerna's going to have the baby within the next two hours."

"What?" Millerna had risen from where she had been seated in the ambulance and Dryden was unsuccessfully trying to get her to lie down again. "Be careful what you say, young man! I heard every word and I promise you I won't wait for you!"

"My mom once said that the first one is the worst one," he called out to her over the wind, mischief laced into his words.

"Just shut up!" Millerna yelled from inside the ambulance, her frustration audible. "I'm going to deliver right here on the sidewalk and nobody cares!"

"Why are you still here? Just go already! We'll be there later!" Van yelled over Hitomi's shoulder and over the wind before focusing his eyes back on her, one dark brow raised. "Once you're in the hospital, lock her up and throw away the key."

Hitomi bit her lip to stifle the laugh, her fingers caressing the nape of his neck. "You're evil." Her grin vanished when she frowned. "But are you really okay with this?" She wanted to be with Dryden and Millerna, the two people who had grown so close to her within these last months and yet she felt that Van should have the privilege to be by their side.

The engine of the ambulance roared and gravel crunched under the tires when it backed out of the driveway. Dryden stood on the sidewalk, watching it disappear down the street, blue lights flashing silently.

Van turned back around to look down at Hitomi and his eyes were dancing when he smiled. His arms encircled her waist, his hands resting comfortably on the small of her back. He pulled her close. "Yep, I'm okay with it. Don't worry. I'll join you in a bit. Merle and I, we'll take it a bit more slowly." Hitomi's lips twitched briefly when he leaned down and kissed her slowly, letting her taste his smile. "I should ask if you're okay with this."

She studied his lips, full and soft, tasting of ginger, turmeric and sunshine. "Why?"

"Didn't you say you had to leave for Pallas tonight? Creating plans of action for next year's fund raising with Yukari or something?" he asked against her mouth in a murmur.

"Ah, that." She grinned and shrugged, her hands sliding up his chest towards his face. His skin was cool and soft beneath her fingertips and she outlined the traces his smile left on his features. "I just decided to stay."

Van leaned away from her, the wind tousling his hair. "Oh, alright, now I'm hurt. You wouldn't stay because of me but you'll stay because of Millerna?"

She saw the laughter in his eyes and knew it was just one of their usual badinages. This time he was teasing her. There were other times when there was nothing of light-hearted bantering. They had argued about her new job, about their relationship, about commitment and compromises, about sacrifices and their future. She felt always drained after an argument, exhausted and frustrated. But then she noticed that Van looked just the same.

Her grin widened and she linked her hands behind his neck. "Jealous?"

He gave a loud laugh. "Of that mad woman? Are you kidding me?" He leaned back down and rested his forehead against hers, his hair brushing her skin. "But say, if I had been pregnant and had suddenly decided to start labour during lunch, would you have stayed as well?"

"You're such a goofball, Van."

His lips parted in a wide grin. She was so close that the outlines of her image were vague in front of his eyes like a blurred photograph. He smelled her skin and felt her warm breath on his mouth. It reminded him of waking up beside her. "And you like that."

She muffled her grin against his lips. Sometimes it seemed time passed too fast when they were together, too fast for him to savour it the way he wanted. Sometimes he lay awake at night and just watched her sleep, trying to carve her image into his mind, fearing there might be a time he could forget her. "Alright, you should go."

Hitomi pulled away and nodded, her eyes bright. "See you soon."

She went to join Dryden in his car. They would follow the ambulance to the hospital. Her hand resting on the door handle, she turned and smiled at him, the wind tossing her hair about her head. Her smile was wide and warm, infectious.

Sometimes he wondered what would have been. If he had not let Yukari bribe him into attending the benefit concert that one day in February. If he had ignored the sadness in Hitomi's eyes. If he had not been selfish. If he had given up.

He did not know. But he knew what would not have been. Hitomi would not be standing there, brushing strands of hair out of her eyes, smiling at him.

Van watched them until the car was out of sight, leaves chasing each other around his legs. A silence befell him, but not from the outside. There were all kinds of noises which the wind was tossing round him. People were talking on the other side of the street, children were yelling, birds wailing against a cornflower sky, the wind whistling along the bare branches of trees.

This silence was inside him. A feeling of calmness and peace, the end of a journey, the end of a search, a feeling of being home.

He turned around and went back towards the house, sunshine in his wake.

------------------

The End.

* * *


End file.
